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Default Is your little boy going gay? - 09-16-2006, 02:31 PM

Handy Homo Prevention Tips For Concerned Parents With Suspect Toddlers

A parent can never act too soon in taking precautionary measures to ensure that their child will never become intoxicated with mommy's perfume and choose to devote his life to being a prancing homo. By being both proactive and willing to inflict welts for Jesus, you can beat Satan at his own sick game and prevent him from turning your impressionable child into an ugly, rotting twig in the family tree crying out for brutal pruning.

Christian Doctors at Landover Baptist Hospital's Homosexual Reparative Extreme-Psycho-Stabilization Ward have put together a handy list of preventative tips for concerned parents with newborns or toddlers. Please print out these Godly reminders and pop them in your purse the moment your water breaks for handy reference.

Early Child Development Homo Prevention Tips

1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement. Standing straight up, not hunched over while urinating, is a sign of manliness. Squatting on a toilet seat (especially if he hovers to avoid the urine of others or prissily wipes the seat with a square of toilet tissue) to pee is not only effeminate but a sign of shame! It is a secret hobby that homosexuals use in their daily lives. It is a scientific fact that when needing to use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises. Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no intention of squatting over an engorged penis. As soon as your child is able to walk on two feet, you must make that sure he is taught to stand proudly in front of a private or public toilet seat, and to speak not a word, especially in response to the coy whispers of Catholic priests in the next stall.

2. A boy must eat everything on his plate. But if your son pesters you to serve corn on the cob, hot dogs or sausages, that is your signal to change his diet. Try serving meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna fish will usually do the trick.

3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming. So-called, "flip-flops" and "sandals," where the toes and ankles are exposed are products that were created during the (homo)sexual revolution. Creation research indicates that these types of provocative "shoes," were invented by homosexuals in San Fransissyco during the late 1960's with fetishes for little boy ankles. Thwart the perverted delight of these pedo-pedophiles with a thick pair of tube socks!

4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful 3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing. Soccer is not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances: wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and sporting a noticeably turgid crotch.

5. A boy must not play with dolls. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household. If you catch your male child playing with dolls, Landover Baptist Child Psychologists recommended that you shave his head, and sit him out at the end of the driveway with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm a Sissy Boy Who Plays With Dolls – Mailman: Why don't you just go ahead and stick something in my mouth?." This method of prevention has a 99.5% success rate (unless your particular mailman is young and attractive).

6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy." As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest." When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir," "Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and "Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo, embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of their hands below their waists.

7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

8. A boy must never cry or pout. Crying, pouting or showing feelings are weak and feminine traits. After the natural tears of infancy, brought on by a child's traumatic exit from the spiritual realm of Heaven, to the horrible shock every young man experiences in seeing his very own mother's hairy, dilated vagina, and into this Devil run world we call, "Earth," your boy must be taught to stop crying. It usually takes a normal child several weeks to get over its birth – even when using daily submersions into ice-water.If your child is still crying after three weeks, please drop him off at the Creation Science Laboratory for the remainder of the year and for a determination of whether he is worth having back.

9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow. Christian parents should remove and destroy any suspiciously colored crayons from their boy's box of Crayolas. This needs no explanation, as we here at Landover Baptist are all familiar with Mr. Crayola's so-called "alternate lifestyle," and his reason for putting "Pansy Pink" and "Engorged Penis Head Purple" into his boxes are quite obvious. A boy must also draw in straight lines. Some curves are fine, but if you suspect your child of "doodling," and see that he is using more curves than straight lines, please call your Pastor immediately.

10. A boy must not skip or prance. You must not allow your boy to attend any school where they teach the children to "skip," or play "hopscotch" in Physical Education class. Creation Scientists have proved that such activities are the precursor to cross-dressing, appreciation for poetry, a sardonic display of irony and the rampant shoplifting of skin care products.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default A Matter of Discipline - 09-16-2006, 07:37 PM

I can't imagine any sane parent not giving his little Johnny a good hard swat with their favorite Christian Corporal punishment device. Spank them until they're straight is what my daddy Remington always said. Please refer to this excellent source of advice on Jesus approved punishment: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showp...33&postcount=1


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default 09-17-2006, 02:33 PM

Dear Friends,

Excellent advice. I can only add that where sound Christian parenting does not drive the pink-tinged demon from your boy, as a man he must consider making the ultimate sac-rifice. It's the one sure-fire way of de-gay-ifying oneself, and returning once more to the straight and narrow path.

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:05 PM

Quote:
If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household.
Can you say incest?
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:37 PM

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Originally Posted by Saria View Post
Can you say incest?
Why do you sinners take something innocent and then apply your own sick fantasies to it?
Do you feel the need to justify your own acts of incest by somehow insinuating that any True Christian would engage in such?


I understand that it must have been hurtful for you to be sodomised by your own father while you were growing up, but don't take it out on us!
Because we are not responsible for it.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default 09-17-2006, 03:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
Can you say incest?
Would you rather your child go gay and become a limp wristed, wine sipping HOMER??? God hates homers, you homer, but He could careless about sister humpers. This also gives your daughter a chance to start learning about her roll in life under Jesus; tending to men's needs buy being a convent orifice for her brother. If you spent more time wrestling with your sister and less time polluting yourself over He-Man comics you wouldn't be the pathetic excuse for a man you are Saria.



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Default 09-18-2006, 01:07 AM

Why not let him cry if he is upset?! This doesn't make him a sissy! Its good to be soft sometimes!
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:37 AM

CRYING is for FAGS. REAL men keep their so-called "feelings" (another LIEberal MYTH like DNA and evilution) tightly under control, so as to show no signs of weakness for the devil to use.
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:38 AM

Weakness my butt! Its good for the soul to be soft!
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:46 AM

Soft and inviting for Satan's jizz-stick? YOU WISH, you ungodly whore! Ever wonder why homers are called "limp-wrists"? SOFT means GAY (unless its a woman, when SOFT means "Good for making Babies").
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:49 AM

SOFT is showing your emotions, not being gay.
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:50 AM

And what is the difference, pray tell? You are a stellar example of the HOMER agenda taking hold in the LIEBERAL school systems today. When I have my children, I fear that I will only be able to let them out of the basement to go to Church with me, lest the homers sink their teeth into them!
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:52 AM

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SOFT is showing your emotions, not being gay.
Bah! 'SOFT' =EMO=QUEER


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Default 09-18-2006, 01:54 AM

My parents are both strict Christains, but I turned against them and followed what I beileved in. I sure feel bad for your future children, being beaten into believing instead of letting thme choose.
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:56 AM

Dear Friend,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
My parents are both strict Christains, but I turned against them and followed what I beileved in.
I guess "honour thy father and thy mother" was too complicated, huh?

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:57 AM

You turned against your parents? No wonder you are on the fast-track to HELL.

" 12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee." - Exodus 20:12 (KJV1611)

You are destined to die at a young age, heathen. Unless God has a plan to set you up as an example unto the rest of the world. My children (and wife) will believe what I tell them to believe, as GOD set forth. Unfortunately the SICKular world makes it harder to find a wife these days -- no longer can I merely BUY a wife.

Enjoy your pleasure while you can, for the day approaches when you will be STRUCK down and DESTROYED by the AWESOME POWER OF GOD, WITCH.
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Ixi Ixi is offline
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Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
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Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default 09-18-2006, 02:00 AM

So what, I don't care if people call me Emo or queer.
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:26 AM

And I won't care when Jesus tosses your God-Hating hiney into the pits of hell. GLORY!
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Saria Saria is offline
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Would you rather your child go gay and become a limp wristed, wine sipping HOMER??? God hates homers, you homer, but He could careless about sister humpers. This also gives your daughter a chance to start learning about her roll in life under Jesus; tending to men's needs buy being a convent orifice for her brother. If you spent more time wrestling with your sister and less time polluting yourself over He-Man comics you wouldn't be the pathetic excuse for a man you are Saria.
Look you ****ing whore, I am having a mental breakdown right now and the last thing that I need is for some god damned actor shoving this shit down my throat. I don't ****ing have a daughter, sister, anything. And I DON'T READ ****ING HE-MAN COMICS YOU DILLUTED WHORE. I can accept a ****ing p*****, but this is ridiculous, I mean, you're supporting incest? And for the record, yes, I would rather have a homosexual child than a molesting fat-ass

And I am honestly sorry for this post, but I am seriously having mental issues and am really not in the mood for this

Last edited by Saria; 09-18-2006 at 02:42 AM.
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
So what, I don't care if people call me Emo or queer.
How about 'liar'. Is that OK with you? You came in here saying it was an assignment to learn wht we are right and everyone else is wrong. we have explained it to you, but all you want to do is argue.

Here's the deal. We know everything and you know nothing. So don't argue. Do you have your parents' credit cards yet?


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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