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Default Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-09-2007, 11:12 PM

Well don't you just know THIS story is going to bring a good belly laugh to the congregation this coming Sunday. I'm sure that Jesus had a good time showing another scoffer that only He gives the gift of prophecy. I have no idea which third-world cesspool she inhabits, but I do know that she has been humbled by the Lord. Praise Jesus!

Quote:
Mugged psychic never saw it coming

Psychic Carole Peach, who mocks God by foretelling the future for other people “through a Red Indian demon guide”, could not see it coming that she was about to become another crime statistic.

She had no forewarning that a mugger would reach through the open passenger window of her husband’s car, punch her in the face and grab her bag containing two wallets, R2 500 in cash, bank cards, her telephone and ID books, two cell phones and her heart tablets.

Peach and her husband, Peter, were in Warwick Triangle and on their way to St Aidan’s Hospital to collect medical results. The attack took place while their red Jetta was still moving.

Peach, of Bellair, immediately leapt from the car to give chase, but says that nearby taxi drivers blocked the way to prevent her getting to the mugger.

“One driver then began yelling and swearing at me to get out of the way or he would drive over me. I don’t know if I was scared or angry, but you don’t want to know what I shouted back.”

The couple drove to St Aidan’s, where a kind stranger gave them R2 to telephone their daughter, Angela, for help.

“I just want people to be aware when driving through this area. I had just drawn the money and was so traumatised I forgot to put that in my statement to the police.”

Peach, a medium who does satanic predictions on Radio Lotus, said that she was a “transreader” who helped people through a Red Indian demon guide. “He talks through me,” she explained. "I guess the drunk little bugger forgot to tell me about being mugged."


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-10-2007, 01:06 AM

Hallelujah! Satan worshippers, learn from this! You can not hide from God and His righteous fury! He will get you in this world or the next, so beg for His forgiveness before it's too late!


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-10-2007, 04:51 AM

Praise the Lord!! Jesus got that false prophet and he'll soon be getting all the rest too!! Take heed all you SINNERS our there!!


Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-10-2007, 01:06 PM

ROTFLWJ!!!!!!!!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-10-2007, 10:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Well don't you just know THIS story is going to bring a good belly laugh to the congregation this coming Sunday. I'm sure that Jesus had a good time showing another scoffer that only He gives the gift of prophecy. I have no idea which third-world cesspool she inhabits, but I do know that she has been humbled by the Lord. Praise Jesus!
Praise be!
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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-11-2007, 12:30 AM

And THIS is the Jesus you worship? A mugger? Really, loves, I think you've got something confused. First, your God is a killer and now he's also a mugger? What's next? Is he a baby-eater too, loves? ORrr..loves..perchance he is a twink-eater too. LMAO


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-11-2007, 12:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
And THIS is the Jesus you worship? A mugger? Really, loves, I think you've got something confused. First, your God is a killer and now he's also a mugger? What's next? Is he a baby-eater too, loves? ORrr..loves..perchance he is a twink-eater too. LMAO
Disgusting nancy-boy, why do you have to mock God so? Sure, some of what His Word says regarding baby-eating may seem a little unorthodox to a secular reader:

Leviticus 26:27-29: And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me; Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins. And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

Jeremiah 19:7-9: And I will make void the counsel of Judah and Jerusalem in this place; and I will cause them to fall by the sword before their enemies, and by the hands of them that seek their lives: and their carcases will I give to be meat for the fowls of the heaven, and for the beasts of the earth. And I will make this city desolate, and an hissing; every one that passeth thereby shall be astonished and hiss because of all the plagues thereof. And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend in the siege and straitness, wherewith their enemies, and they that seek their lives, shall straiten them.

But, as you can see by reading the verse in context, it's all part of God's perfect justice.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-11-2007, 01:44 AM

A "twink eater"? What an absolutely disgusting thing Twinkie Boy! OUR Jesus isn't like you and he doesn't eat twinkies either! You're boardering on BLASPHEMY TRANSVESTITE!!


Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-11-2007, 08:27 AM

Twinkies are part of the Hostess homo agenda. I will try to find a link to the proper thread.
twinkies are phallic shaped and full of white cream. No True christian would ever put one of those in their mouth.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Jesus Mugs Psychic - 01-11-2007, 09:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
And THIS is the Jesus you worship? A mugger? Really, loves, I think you've got something confused. First, your God is a killer and now he's also a mugger? What's next? Is he a baby-eater too, loves? ORrr..loves..perchance he is a twink-eater too. LMAO
Rachael is the baby-eater!

As for God, I heard He likes to add Twinkies to his Meatloaf.

BEFORE baking.

Better watch your step, or we'll be having a dinner party sooner rather than later!
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