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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Jesus Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 09-09-2017, 04:19 AM

Praise Jesus!

It came recently to my attention that there is a product called a "butt-plug" that is apparently used to avoid any contamination of the anal cavity by demonic entities. This is a wonderful invention, because we all know that the principal obstacle to Salvation during these sad times is homosexual gay sex, the unnatural fornication among same-sex males.

1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;


Jesus is Gracious and Merciful (Jonah 4:2). He has many anatomical inventions to prevent the violation of the rectum with the male organ but for the lust-filled generation Y this is not enough. They still wish to experiment with fornication and male-to-male copulation. More drastic measured had to be taken, so Jesus endorsed the design of a physical barrier, not unlike the Wall that will soon arise between the Godly US of A and the Papist Swarm.

The Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Probably the most practical way to prevent penile entry.



Imagine the horrors Sweet Jesus must be experiencing! His feet feel the constant pounding of the penis trying to break through the Wall while His head in buried in the deepest and most revolting recesses of the cesspit that is the gay man's bowel. But there can be no stronger guard against this the secondmost destructive of all sins. Again, Jesus comes to the rescue when the aspiring gay youth has a moment a weakness, just as He promised.

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.


Jesus will help with this nice product so that you, any sinners who may be reading this, can bear the temptation. Glory! Jesus can keep you from evil!

2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.




Of course, no True Christian™ will ever need this but the sinners must be introduced to this device, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, to help them during the difficult time of Insecurity and Doubt. No demons nor tallywhackers dare enter when Jesus is guarding the Strawberry Gates. In addition, I have discovered that Jesus is not alone. He has recruited quite a few of His Bestest Friends to participate in this Godliest Endeavor of All Times. Mr. Putin has been recruited and he will protect the emerging Christians during the time when Jesus is firmly established in the bowels of a man but some temptations still linger.



Let us thank Mr. Putin for His Good Work. Of course, our own Sweet President Donald Trump did not hesitate to answer God's Call for some Anal Action!



Thius will give the sinner a nice continuum of Godly Butt Plugs to choose from until the day when He becomes sin-free and can reside forever in Christ! These technological marves can easily be carried on your person during our street preaching events and distributed to Catholics, Evolutionary proponents, and high school kids. They will find that the Real Pleasure™ is in Christ!



Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 09-09-2017, 04:59 AM

Unlike the feminazi hoax about "rape culture", there has been no time like the present when the male rectum has been under often overwhelming assault. I only hope that Trump can find a way to make the homers pay for these "barriers" in the same way that the Mexicans will ultimately pay for the border wall. Perhaps a special tax on homerism is in order.


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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 09-11-2017, 09:41 PM

<<<sexual reference deleted>>> y'all lol this is hilarious butt plugs are there for <<<another word for happy>>> people so that it feels like a <<<reference to a pervert sexual act removed>>> so actually they <<<reference to a pervert sexual act removed>>> with baby Jesus xD

Last edited by Basilissa; 09-11-2017 at 09:51 PM. Reason: This is a family-friendly forum, sweetie
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 09-13-2017, 02:49 AM

I introduced these thingies to my houseboys a couple of years ago and they soon became habitual users. I've personally administered the release of many youths from the demons by educating them in the practical use of the plugs. It takes lots of effort and hardcore experience initially but they soon get the hang of it. You're all welcome to order my educational videos about the spiritually correct usage of these things at reasonable prices.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-19-2017, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I introduced these thingies to my houseboys a couple of years ago and they soon became habitual users. I've personally administered the release of many youths from the demons by educating them in the practical use of the plugs. It takes lots of effort and hardcore experience initially but they soon get the hang of it. You're all welcome to order my educational videos about the spiritually correct usage of these things at reasonable prices.
Gay....that's gay wearing a plug up your ass. You know people use them for sexual pleasure right? The mere fact that your using this prevent rape....well that's ineffective.
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Guns Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-19-2017, 11:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan1993 View Post
Gay....that's gay wearing a plug up your ass. You know people use them for sexual pleasure right? The mere fact that your using this prevent rape....well that's ineffective.
Not surprising you are against personal protection. No doubt you have your doors open all night and sign on your porch saying "Slut available inside'.
I keep my rectum protected at all times against unwanted rectal sodomization and a 1911 on my hip at all times, even when in the bath house.
With my boys, I learned a neat trick. After insertion of the plug, I take one of their hairs and apply it over the cheeks and crossing the plug. At the evening inspection, I confirm the hair is still there and that lets me know the plug has not been removed. It instills a level of trust that rectal padlocks do not provide. I want my boys to think I have faith in them


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 01:18 AM

These ones are my personal picks. I'm a big Game of Thrones fan, so dragons are a must in the bedroom.

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Rebuke Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 04:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring View Post
These ones are my personal picks. I'm a big Game of Thrones fan, so dragons are a must in the bedroom.
Miss Whoring,

I am afraid that you have misunderstood the efficacy of these devices. Their power is not in the physical manifestation but in the Spiritual Infestation by Jesus. Considering your proposal, we have to assess what God says about dragons as potentially protective entities. The results are disappointing.

Malachi 1:3
And I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness.

As you can see, God uses dragons to enforce His punishments on the people He hates (such as Esau, as re-enforced in Romans 9:13). We can also clearly see that dragons cause havoc instead of protection:

Isaiah 13:22
And the wild beasts of the islands shall cry in their desolate houses, and dragons in their pleasant palaces: and her time is near to come, and her days shall not be prolonged.

Thus, putting dragons in the "pleasant palace" is not efficient. It is not the material structure but the presence of Jesus that provides the benefit. You should really do some basic Bible Study to help you along, Miss Whoring.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 04:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan1993 View Post
Gay....that's gay wearing a plug up your ass. You know people use them for sexual pleasure right? The mere fact that your using this prevent rape....well that's ineffective.
Typical LIEberal response - and what are you supposed to do when you're being anally raped, call the police? By the time they get there your rapist done and in your fridge making a sandwich, having a beer, and smoking a cigarette.

The NRA should be promoting these plugs right up there with the Second Amendment, and our God given constitutional right to self defense.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 10:01 AM

Remember that this device might get pushed out if u have to poop.
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 11:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
Typical LIEberal response - and what are you supposed to do when you're being anally raped, call the police? By the time they get there your rapist done and in your fridge making a sandwich, having a beer, and smoking a cigarette.

The NRA should be promoting these plugs right up there with the Second Amendment, and our God given constitutional right to self defense.
Well if I take my bdsm expertise....what you need is a Chastity belt. A locking kind..a plug won't do unless if you lock it.
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 12:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring View Post
These ones are my personal picks. I'm a big Game of Thrones fan, so dragons are a must in the bedroom.

Beware beware the dragon born comes...


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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-20-2017, 03:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Remember that this device might get pushed out if u have to poop.


I wouldn't expect less from the Original coprophiliac. (Ezekiel 4:15) (Isaiah 36:12) (Judges 3:21-22) (Deuteronomy 23:12-13) to name a few.
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-21-2017, 07:26 AM

Is it just me, or the does the word Deuteronomy sound like a kinky punishing sex-position?
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Megan1993 Megan1993 is offline
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-23-2017, 07:00 PM

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Originally Posted by GaleWhoring View Post
Is it just me, or the does the word Deuteronomy sound like a kinky punishing sex-position?
Yeah it kinda does
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-30-2017, 11:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Praise Jesus!

It came recently to my attention that there is a product called a "butt-plug" that is apparently used to avoid any contamination of the anal cavity by demonic entities. This is a wonderful invention, because we all know that the principal obstacle to Salvation during these sad times is homosexual gay sex, the unnatural fornication among same-sex males.

1 Timothy 1:10
For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;


Jesus is Gracious and Merciful (Jonah 4:2). He has many anatomical inventions to prevent the violation of the rectum with the male organ but for the lust-filled generation Y this is not enough. They still wish to experiment with fornication and male-to-male copulation. More drastic measured had to be taken, so Jesus endorsed the design of a physical barrier, not unlike the Wall that will soon arise between the Godly US of A and the Papist Swarm.

The Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Probably the most practical way to prevent penile entry.



Imagine the horrors Sweet Jesus must be experiencing! His feet feel the constant pounding of the penis trying to break through the Wall while His head in buried in the deepest and most revolting recesses of the cesspit that is the gay man's bowel. But there can be no stronger guard against this the secondmost destructive of all sins. Again, Jesus comes to the rescue when the aspiring gay youth has a moment a weakness, just as He promised.

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.


Jesus will help with this nice product so that you, any sinners who may be reading this, can bear the temptation. Glory! Jesus can keep you from evil!

2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.




Of course, no True Christian™ will ever need this but the sinners must be introduced to this device, the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, to help them during the difficult time of Insecurity and Doubt. No demons nor tallywhackers dare enter when Jesus is guarding the Strawberry Gates. In addition, I have discovered that Jesus is not alone. He has recruited quite a few of His Bestest Friends to participate in this Godliest Endeavor of All Times. Mr. Putin has been recruited and he will protect the emerging Christians during the time when Jesus is firmly established in the bowels of a man but some temptations still linger.



Let us thank Mr. Putin for His Good Work. Of course, our own Sweet President Donald Trump did not hesitate to answer God's Call for some Anal Action!



Thius will give the sinner a nice continuum of Godly Butt Plugs to choose from until the day when He becomes sin-free and can reside forever in Christ! These technological marves can easily be carried on your person during our street preaching events and distributed to Catholics, Evolutionary proponents, and high school kids. They will find that the Real Pleasure™ is in Christ!



Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Why is there no Mary?
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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-30-2017, 12:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati View Post
Why is there no Mary?

I have one of Mary in my collection, but it's not designed for the butt.
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Rebuke Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 10-30-2017, 06:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GaleWhoring View Post
I have one of Mary in my collection, but it's not designed for the butt.
Of course it is not! Of course you would use it to block entry into that cavern of horrors that is yet necessary as it is the exit path for the new Soldiers for Christ.

Genesis 1:28
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.


While baby Jesus prevents the entry of the male organ into the rectal depths that should remain unviolated, the Papist device blocks the phallic entry into the one spot where it is supposed to go to fulfill God's plan as outlined in Genesis 1:28. Once again, an example how the false goddess Mary opposes everything that is precious to Jesus and shows the depravity of the Papist cult. While Jesus saves male sinners from the fate worse than death, the idol Mary casts women into the bottomless pit.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Baby Jesus Butt Plug: Another Self-Sacrifice by Jesus to Save the Homos! - 02-11-2020, 09:51 AM

Thank you Brother White, Brother Hutchin, and Pastor Ezekiel for sharing your wisdom. I had not considered that my rectum as an open entry to the demons of the world. I shall keep it forever closed with a Baby Jesus Butt Plug. It will only be removed to allow that which must come out and will immediately be reinserted for Christ’s enduring protection. Christ is truly sacrificing for us.


Yours in Christ,

Cage
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