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Reload this Page my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 08-08-2014, 09:29 PM

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Originally Posted by Danish Crusader View Post
You might consider flagellantism...
It's flagellation, and where in the Bible did you find support for it?


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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 01-12-2020, 03:00 PM

Women, effectively have two anuses, have twice the risk as men. They need additional support, perhaps with hidden recording devices and websites dedicated to monitoring women's bathrooms.
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Thumbs up Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 12:41 PM

I do not use toilet paper at all. Our ancestors who loved up to 4,000 years ago did not have it and we do not need it either.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Danish Crusader View Post
You might consider flagellantism to show dependence of this incident.
If you have a wife ore a daughter whom you can blame for not supplying your toilet with the needed amount of paper, they should also be severely punished.
Women are not supposed to defecate at all. (Non-whites by the way don't defecate either. Otherwise they were white.)


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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 01:07 PM

Women deficate all the time when they open mouth and move their lips. Sometimes I feel like wrapping Mrs. Hucker's mouth in toilet paper.
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 01:29 PM

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Originally Posted by upchucker67 View Post
Women deficate all the time when they open mouth and move their lips. Sometimes I feel like wrapping Mrs. Hucker's mouth in toilet paper.
I think you may have misidentified some of your wife's anatomy. There are some basic online tutorials to help sort out these sort of issues. Were you home schooled? Usually a good thing, but not always.


Phil


58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 01:48 PM

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Originally Posted by upchucker67 View Post
Women deficate all the time when they open mouth and move their lips. Sometimes I feel like wrapping Mrs. Hucker's mouth in toilet paper.
Mr. Huckster! For once, I am (almost) at a loss for words. It might be true that your wife is not the best cook in the world (according to certain things that you have said), but you have shown a great deal of disrespect to her here, and to women in general -- including those of us who are dedicated, devoted, loyal, caring members of !

Rather than getting myself in a dither, I think it is best that Almighty explain a few things to you, through :
Proverbs 16:28 "A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends."

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Exodus 23:1 "Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness."

Please pay close attention:

Proverbs 31:10-13:
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

Really, Mr. Huckster, it is of little wonder as to why the dear gave you those boils! I should think very carefully, if I were you, before uttering more nonsense -- and incurring more of wrath!

II Chronicles 21:18: "And after all this the Lord smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease."


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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 03:31 PM

[

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
I think you may have misidentified some of your wife's anatomy. There are some basic online tutorials to help sort out these sort of issues. Were you home schooled? Usually a good thing, but not always.


Phil


To fill you in, Phil, I was reading an article in Reader's Digestive that the human lips and anal sphincter are made from the same rubbery, puckered tissue. I'm not sure if the Bible mentions this, but I am keeping my eyes peeled. Maybe it will crop up in my journey with Jesus.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabella White View Post
II Chronicles 21:18: "And after all this the Lord smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease."

I certainly hope not. I don't want further indigestible bouts cropping up und my podcast.


Sent by my BlackBerry.
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 04:13 PM

Nay, I go a step further to say that my wife suffers from incredibly spicy breath, I wish she'd keep it closed. I cannot understand why her breath is like this. In our early foolish days of courtship, she was the center of a bukkake with me and some pals, and we were all left tending our members with aloe vera after experiencing scorching pains. I never understood this until I read this verse.

James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.


We together in Christ are seeking to repent of this sordid chapter. I fear she may still have demons housing in her digestive tube.
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 04:21 PM

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Originally Posted by upchucker67 View Post
...tl;dr...

We together in Christ are seeking to repent of this sordid chapter. I fear she may still have demons housing in her digestive tube.
Young man, How do you think women become inoculated with rectal demons?! The only plausible manner is through a homerman who inserts his tallywacker first into another man's anus and then penetrates his woman in the only manner he knows, by sodomy. Who is the person penetrating your woman? If it's not you, you are as limp as donut dough; if it is you, you are a lost homer. No other options, boyo.

Toilet paper won't save you. Only Jesus can and I'm the only reliable way to Him in these parts of space and time. And I ain't likin' what I'm seein', kid! I know a lost case when I see one after having saved dozens of Filipino houseboys to Jesus.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 04:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
The only plausible manner is through a homerman who inserts his tallywacker first into another man's anus and then penetrates his woman in the only manner he knows, by sodomy.

To be honest Zeke, I'm not sure which hole is which. I enter through her ***pornographic imagery removed by JesOS*** come from.
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Default Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay? - 03-18-2020, 04:48 PM

Anyway I thought it was all one big digestive, baby-making track. I don't think too hard on these things. She's making pie right now, I don't want to bug her over it.
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