Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper
Reload this Page Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids
The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Ofc. Don W. Richards's Avatar
Ofc. Don W. Richards Ofc. Don W. Richards is offline
True Christian™ Officer of THE Law
True Christian™

True Christian Provider™ award Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tin Tither The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Justice of the Peace Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Ribfest '09 Teabag Patriot Punched the most queers Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Eats the Most Pork True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 490
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Freehold Iowa, God's Favorite City!
Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-24-2013, 07:50 PM

I know a lot of you have been hearing rumors all afternoon about the Portway family, and I think it's time that somebody should come forward and address your concerns.

Today, I received an anonymous tip from Billy Bob Jenkins that Aaron Portway's wife, Naomi, had been spotted downtown playing with some kids her own age. Knowing that Naomi's husband is a True Christian man who enforces Ephesians 5:22, I became greatly concerned that Mrs. Portway was out of the house without any supervision. I made a point to go investigate, as soon as my lunch break ended.

After I finished my pork chops, I called Aaron up on the phone and asked him where he was. He told me he had flown Pastor Ezekiel down to Florida because the good pastor did not want to get any of this snow on his shoes, and they wouldn't be home till it passed. I asked Aaron if he had given Naomi permission to leave the house while he was gone, and he told me, "No, absolutely not."

I relayed Billy Bob Jenkins' anonymous tip to Aaron, and told him I was headed to the playground to see if it really was his wife Naomi who was down there, or if it was just some other little girl who resembled her.

When I arrived at the playground, I saw a group of kids playing in the snow, and I immediately took up my megaphone, poked my head out the window, and announced, "Attention, children playing the snow: Is one of you named Naomi Portway?"

The group of kids stopped, and they all turned to look at me. Then, a familiar little girl stepped forward, and cast her eyes down to stare at the ground. I engaged the megaphone again, and announced Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." I could tell she was feeling guilty, and she looked like she was about to cry, so I added, "What kind of rebellious whore of a wife leaves her husband's home unattended while he is away on business trips earning a living? Aren't there some dishes at home that need washing? A carpet that needs vacuuming? A pot roast that needs roasting? You march yourself right over here, young lady!"

Naomi trudged towards me through the snow and came to a stop right outside my cruiser's window, which I rolled half way up because it was getting cold in there. I spoke to Naomi through the window, "Are you out of your kitchen for a reason?"

At first she didn't say anything, but when I threatened to use my tazer, she started talking. Apparently, some of these kids had made contact with her on prior occasions when she had been out of the house on wifely errands, such as grocery shopping, and when they found out that her husband was out of town, they lured her down to the playground for foolish games. Being a lowly female, Naomi was too weak to heed her husband's instructions to stay home to cook and clean. Now I had to clean up the mess.

"You take this megaphone and tell your friends you can't see them anymore," I said, sticking the megaphone out the window. She was starting to cry, but I forced the megaphone into her hand. "Now tell them!" I demanded again.

Through her tears, she put the megaphone to her mouth and bade her friends goodbye, and then I made her point the megaphone up to the sky and announce a public prayer for forgiveness up to Jesus in Heaven.

Once she was in the cruiser and we were on our way back to Aaron's house, I gave her quite a lecture on the importance of wives obeying their husbands. And since she is only 15, Aaron is quite a few years her elder, and so she was also found in violation of the Bible's orders that children obey their elders.

I hope she has learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

Aaron, you will find her handcuffed to the stove when you get back. The key is on the dining room table, if you want to unlock her.

Over and out.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-24-2013, 08:02 PM

Ofc. Richards, did she have her baby with her? It may not of looked like a baby though. If you felt sick to your stomach, you may of seen it.

Not a big deal. Just was curious.

YIC
JH


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Ofc. Don W. Richards's Avatar
Ofc. Don W. Richards Ofc. Don W. Richards is offline
True Christian™ Officer of THE Law
True Christian™

True Christian Provider™ award Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tin Tither The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Justice of the Peace Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Ribfest '09 Teabag Patriot Punched the most queers Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Eats the Most Pork True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 490
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Freehold Iowa, God's Favorite City!
Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Ofc. Don W. Richards is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-24-2013, 08:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Ofc. Richards, did she have her baby with her? It may not of looked like a baby though. If you felt sick to your stomach, you may of seen it.

Not a big deal. Just was curious.

YIC
JH
No, there was no baby. I didn't even think anything about the baby.

I figured that babies are like dogs, you just set out a dish of food and water and they're good for at least a weekend. That should be sufficient for her to avoid a child neglect charge, if any liberals out there wanted to push the issue.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Capt. Aaron Portway's Avatar
Capt. Aaron Portway Capt. Aaron Portway is offline
One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
Salvation from Above
God's Favorite Pilot™
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Ribfest '08 Bronze Tither Saved 1 Year Real American™ Christian Love Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Mission to Japan Porn Resistant Mission to Las Vegas God's favorite pilot True Republican Special Mission (North Korea) True Christian Provider™ award Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Divorcee Prayer Warrior Anti-sodomy Iceland Mission to Messico Gunfest '07 The Hatchet Child Rearing Award The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Long service medal, 3rd class F1 for God

 
Posts: 6,282
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Flying the Friendly Skies for Jesus!
Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-25-2013, 12:48 AM

I'm down here in Sarasota while Pastor Zeke ministers to some of these poor unfortunate unsaved Cuban boys that they got down here. That man sure is committed to saving souls! He was up all night with three very troubled youths last night and he looked like he'd gone ten rounds with the Devil himself first thing this morning.

As for my wife, I wish I could say I was surprised.

There's gonna be heck to pay when I get home, I can tell you that.

As for that baby of hers, it's back in the hospital for yet another round of tests. Those doctors are vampires, I swear, sucking my bank account dry.

I mean, your baby coughs up a little blood and suddenly everyone's having a tizzy! They said they wanted to "observe it" for 72 hours. I'm not sure how I feel about that, seeing as how I can hardly stand to look at it, much less "observe" that hairy little thing for three straight days.




Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Mrs. Naomi Portway's Avatar
Mrs. Naomi Portway Mrs. Naomi Portway is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian Homemaker True Christian Beauty Protected by JESUS A for Effort Cleanest Kitchen Most Obedient Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Heaven Bound Persecuted Home Schooled Beautiful on the Inside

 
Posts: 123
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: In Freehold at my husbands house.
Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 01:57 AM

Aaron got home from Florida and told me to tell everybody that I'm sorry that i caused all that trouble by leaving the house with those kids. When officer Don brought me home, I called Aaron on his celphone and told him what i did. He told me I was on restriction and not to use the computer, or the phone, or to take a bath, and to only eat canned radishes until he got home.

My other punishment is that i can't wear shoes for a whole month, since that might keep me on the property. This morning, i stepped on some rusty wire out by the hog pen. I barely felt it on account of the snow. It really hurts now though, but it serves me right for being so uppity.


YIC

Mrs. Aaron Portway


Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.

"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Pat Robertson
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 02:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Naomi Portway View Post
Aaron got home from Florida and told me to tell everybody that I'm sorry that i caused all that trouble by leaving the house with those kids. When officer Don brought me home, I called Aaron oh his celphone and told him what i did. He tod me I was on restriction and not to use the computer, or the phone, or to take a bath, and to only eat canned radishes until he got home.

My other punishment is that i can't wear shoes for a whole month, since that might keep me on the property. This morning, i stepped on some rusty wire out by the hog pen. I barely felt it on account of the snow. It really hurt now though, but it serves me right fir being so uppity.


YIC

Mrs. Aaron Portway
I swear your husband is a limp-wrist. He let's you get away with murder. It must be those big black eyes you have.

How's that project going, were you were copying down the Holy Bible word-for-word? What book are you up to, girl?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is offline
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Sons of Liberty Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 12,118
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 03:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I swear your husband is a limp-wrist. He let's you get away with murder. It must be those big black eyes you have.

How's that project going, were you were copying down the Holy Bible word-for-word? What book are you up to, girl?
I don't know how you feel, Pastor Zeke. But, when you married the Captain and Naomi I thought it was the Freehold Christian marriage of the year. I must now admit Naomi and the marriage have not turned out as well as I had hoped.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Mrs. Naomi Portway's Avatar
Mrs. Naomi Portway Mrs. Naomi Portway is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian Homemaker True Christian Beauty Protected by JESUS A for Effort Cleanest Kitchen Most Obedient Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Heaven Bound Persecuted Home Schooled Beautiful on the Inside

 
Posts: 123
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: In Freehold at my husbands house.
Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.Mrs. Naomi Portway has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 04:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I swear your husband is a limp-wrist. He let's you get away with murder. It must be those big black eyes you have.

How's that project going, were you were copying down the Holy Bible word-for-word? What book are you up to, girl?
I keep making mistakes, and then Aaron makes me start over, since any mistake alters God's perfect word. The farthest I've gotten is half way through Exodus, but that was three months ago. Now, i'm being really careful and checking what I write real close, but it's taking a really long time.

Also the last time i was clumsy and fell down the stairs I hurt my wrist. It's still swollen which makes writing harder. It hurts too.


YIC

Mrs. Aaron Portway


Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.

"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Pat Robertson
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 03:16 PM

Mrs. Portway, do you do anything but complain? You are never praising Aaron for all his hard work and tolerance. I know Mrs. Hutchins would not think twice about saying anything but 'Yes James".


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
Fourm Member
Forum Member

True Christian™ Heaven Bound True Christian Caucasian True Christian Homemaker True Christian Lady Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Cleanest Kitchen Best stoning bucket Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Bronze Tither Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Persecuted The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pro-Life Punched the most queers True Republican

 
Posts: 9,266
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
BelieverInGod is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.BelieverInGod is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 06:16 PM

You know, I'm starting to see why Seth chose an "older woman" as a wife. Someone with the schedule that Seth or Capt. Portway just doesn't have the time to babysit and constantly be checking on things. In fact, as long as the house is running smoothly, Seth doesn't pay much attention at all.


Naomi,

You're a woman now, you have a child, and are therefore no longer a child.

1st Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Although written from a mans point of view, has just as much truth in it for women. You're a married woman, it's time to put away childish things.

Instead of whining about cutting your foot, go soak it in some Dettol for 15 minutes, say a prayer and carry on. YOUR HUSBAND DEPENDS ON YOU! Look at it this way, Captain Porter has a very busy schedule flying the Pastors around, he's on call 24/7. Don't you think that's stressful? Now this man has provided you with a nice home, nice clothes, and a child, the least you can do is give him a place where he can decompress on his down time.

But no, he comes home and has to worry about the fact you fell down the stairs (would you please fix them!) or you're whining about your foot, or not doing your writing properly, or the baby screaming. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't go sleep on the plane just to get some peace.


Drama queen
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Esther B. Esther B. is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Quiverful

 
Posts: 582
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Under the watchful eye of my husband
Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 08:04 PM

Mrs. Portway, I have a suggestion for you.

You shouldn't complain so much because I've learned from experience with my chores that complaining only makes things harder and more unpleasant. If you spent less time complaining, the thing that you're complaining about will be much easier and smoother.

It's just a suggestion, nothing more.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
Capt. Aaron Portway's Avatar
Capt. Aaron Portway Capt. Aaron Portway is offline
One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
Salvation from Above
God's Favorite Pilot™
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Ribfest '08 Bronze Tither Saved 1 Year Real American™ Christian Love Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Mission to Japan Porn Resistant Mission to Las Vegas God's favorite pilot True Republican Special Mission (North Korea) True Christian Provider™ award Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Hatchet Child Rearing Award Divorcee Prayer Warrior Anti-sodomy Iceland Mission to Messico Gunfest '07 The Hatchet Child Rearing Award The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Long service medal, 3rd class F1 for God

 
Posts: 6,282
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Flying the Friendly Skies for Jesus!
Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Capt. Aaron Portway will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sherrif Richards Rescues Wayward Wife from the Influence of Evil Neighbor Kids - 03-27-2013, 08:47 PM

Thanks everybody, at least you all understand what I'm dealing with here. Let me say a special apology to Pastor Zeke for letting Naomi get away with being such a whiner. I can assure you that in the future, things are going change at the Portway house.

The honeymoon is officially over, it's time for me to get tough with my lazy wife and whip her into shape. With the help of the Lord, we may yet make a decent wife out of that goldbricker Naomi. Praise!




Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved