Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you). |
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 05:51 PM
I am an adult and a college graduate so I don't go back to school.
I am an entrepreneur business owner and I am in my office working 7 days a week!!!!!
The only thing imaginary is what people keep putting in my profile that I did not put there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
I don't think anyone here hates you, dear. From the tone of people's replies, I'd guess that (like me) they are mostly just rather bored by your endless, repetitive whining.
For someone who claims to be an adult male with two imaginary jobs and a practically full-time masturbation habit, you seem to have a lot of time to waste. When do you go back to school?
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 05:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
...Why do you hate me?...
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If they hated you, why is everyone taking so much of their time, voluntarily, to try to explain this to you?
Especially when they could just, oh yeah, ban you and be done with it.
As for trying to get you to see just how much sin you engage in, THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE TELLS THEM TO DO:
2 Timothy 4:2 " Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine."
Read the blessed thing, would ya? Please? 66 books in the KJV, read two a day, about an hour on average, and you'll be done in about a month. Then you could discuss it from a position of knowledge, instead of trying to spread your ignorant bullshit everywhere.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 05:59 PM
Okay, I am wrong.
They don't hate me.
I apologize. I do appreciate everyone's time and patience. I guess I just need some guidance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
If they hated you, why is everyone taking so much of their time, voluntarily, to try to explain this to you?
Especially when they could just, oh yeah, ban you and be done with it.
As for trying to get you to see just how much sin you engage in, THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE TELLS THEM TO DO:
2 Timothy 4:2 " Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine."
Read the blessed thing, would ya? Please? 66 books in the KJV, read two a day, about an hour on average, and you'll be done in about a month. Then you could discuss it from a position of knowledge, instead of trying to spread your ignorant bullshit everywhere.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 09:35 PM
The entire logic of this premise is absolutely crazy.
Where does it say "if you masturbate it means you are gay"
If you masturbate, it means you masturbated, it doesn't make you gay!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Figures. You gays like to stick together.
... <---- You gays in Hell
. <---- Satan
<--- Happy Jesus
Glory!
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
The entire logic of this premise is absolutely crazy.
Where does it say "if you masturbate it means you are gay"
If you masturbate, it means you masturbated, it doesn't make you gay!!!!!
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First, it really doesn't matter how you call it, the important point is that God hates it (remember Onan?). Two, I remember saying it already, but here is the logic for you, again: by doing "it" with yourself, you obviously do it with person of the same sex. That's what's homosexual about it.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 09:50 PM
I think Onan was having relations with the girl, stopped and spilled his seed on the ground, hence he was actually not masturbating. I don't think Onan has anything to do with masturbation.
So if I somehow pleasure myself, then I am actually a homosexual. So you are telling me that the next step is to have gay sex, is that it?
Not sure I can follow the reasoning on that concept.
So what is the punishment for masturbation?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
First, it really doesn't matter how you call it, the important point is that God hates it (remember Onan?). Two, I remember saying it already, but here is the logic for you, again: by doing "it" with yourself, you obviously do it with person of the same sex. That's what's homosexual about it.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 09:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
I think Onan was having relations with the girl, stopped and spilled his seed on the ground, hence he was actually not masturbating. I don't think Onan has anything to do with masturbation.
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The point of that story is that God does not approve your seed ending anywhere else than your wife's lady part.
Quote:
So if I somehow pleasure myself, then I am actually a homosexual. So you are telling me that the next step is to have gay sex, is that it?
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Well, if you don't stop doing it, you'll end up in Hell one way or another, it doesn't really matter how many different sins you commit.
Quote:
So what is the punishment for masturbation?
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Hell.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 10:07 PM
Basilissa,
That's my problem, I don't have a "wife's lady part" for that purpose and even if I did I am permanently limp and impotent so I doubt very seriously I could accomplish that task without spilling "seed"on the ground like Onan anyway, since I am so impotent anyway.
The issue is that at times it just HAS TO COME OUT some way, that's all.....everyone knows that and it's not GAY to have that problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
The point of that story is that God does not approve your seed ending anywhere else than your wife's lady part.
Well, if you don't stop doing it, you'll end up in Hell one way or another, it doesn't really matter how many different sins you commit.
Hell.
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 10:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
...I am permanently limp and impotent...
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Claims the chronic masturbator?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 10:13 PM
It is a long and complicated story and I am sure it is not appropriate for a FORUM such as this, but I am telling you the truth.
I will not get graphic or go into any further details, but it is the truth.
You have to have an erection to have intercourse, but an erection is not necessary to masturbate. Okay, now are you happy?
Mary says she will be happy when I post a picture wearing lipstick and a sexy skirt with high heels.
So what's next for me here?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much
Claims the chronic masturbator?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 10:50 PM
Gays like to stick together?
There again, where is the evidence that I am gay?
Just like all of you stick together that enjoy the thought of us burning in hell forever I guess?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Figures. You gays like to stick together.
... <---- You gays in Hell
. <---- Satan
<--- Happy Jesus
Glory!
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,451
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-16-2018, 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
...Mary says she will be happy when I post a picture wearing lipstick and a sexy skirt with high heels.
So what's next for me here?
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If you were atheist, and actually believed in medicine and doctors and stuff, I'd say, before posting the picture in question, to get someone to adjust your present medication schedule.
Anyone.
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-17-2018, 12:17 AM
I have read the many posts in this thread both with a little amusement and a little sadness. Sad because you choose to have such an obsession with your special naughty place and amused because you fail to take GOD ALMIGHTY at His Word.
"I can do ALL THINGS through Christ..." (Philippians 4:13)
"I am the LORD, the GOD of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?" (Jeremiah 32:27)
If you have prayed asking GOD to help you through your filthy habit and you continue to do it, you are the one to blame, not God. Oh, Praise Jesus' Name, I once was caught up in sins of the flesh, but I placed my trust in Jehovah God, and GLORY! He removed my desire for lustful things INSTANTLY. He placed a burden on my heart for the gaywise, with whom I now spend the vast majority of my time. I no longer need to commit the sin of Onan, brother.
The Baby Jesus weeps when He watches men grunting and contorting in the throes of self-abuse. His tears fall on His Throne and into the River of Life - that beautiful River where we shall one day fish and swim and frolic with Christ. Do you want that river to be full of the tears of the Savior or would you prefer that the water just miraculously appears at a perfect temperature for our frolic?
Stop whining, man. Give every part of your body to the Creator and allow Him to heal you COMPLETELY. I urge you to allow Jesus to have His way with you.
BrotherLarry
Rev. 22:12
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-17-2018, 12:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchas77
Gays like to stick together?
There again, where is the evidence that I am gay?
Just like all of you stick together that enjoy the thought of us burning in hell forever I guess?
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Friend, unlike you, we 'stick together based on our unwavering concern regarding Christianty. You stick togther due to the thick coating of Gaysexual Man Seed® coating your limbs and torso. Quite foul and disgusting.
Do we want to see you burn in Hell for all of eternity? No, though with all that jit on you, I doubt you will burn at all to begin with. More like float on top of the glowing pile of skulls simmering in the brimstone.
Consider this:
You're once again, mindlessly yanking your crank, all proud because your mom put clean sheets on the bed and the Sears Men's catalog arrived. A Good Humor truck comes and runs over your gut, causing your body to burst and spray entrails all over the street.
You're dead
Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begins falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save© your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.
Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-17-2018, 03:37 AM
Very sobering, frightening, of course I respect that. But how does that help me control myself in time of temptation?
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-17-2018, 04:04 PM
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 185
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: In my mum's basement
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-17-2018, 08:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor
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Thanks for that you are very nice and extremely helpful to me
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 11
Join Date: Jan 2018
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
10-13-2018, 07:46 PM
Don't most god fearing men hire prostitutes for this sort of thing?
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
07-29-2020, 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by redwhiteblue
Don't most god fearing men hire prostitutes for this sort of thing?
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Nonsense. God fearing men make a contract with each other to procure a newly pubescent bride, as Jesus Likes It.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 14
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Texas
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Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... -
08-02-2020, 03:33 PM
I am very very glad that I found salvation in jesus by giving up masturbation.
I'm also thinking of cutting my arm if any thought of sin occurs to me again, what do you think about this?
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