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Larry Lee's Avatar
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Default Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 12:22 AM

Here at Landover Baptist Church we're often portrayed as being judgmental white males who love Jesus, Toby Keith, Kanye West and the drool we slurp as we "grab'em by the pussy". Ha ha ha ha Our Lord is good… But we have a softer, more liberal side that comes out in a manly way to our homes and communities when times get tough. AND WE WHITE MALES UNDERSTAND! that in the wake of the Supreme Court's ruling making abortion illegal, there'll be boat-loads of poor women suddenly forced to drop their spawn. We can't have that! ....Which is why we’ve prayerfully decided -- with the Lord's gracious blessing -- to spend a huge chunk of Church capital sending home abortion lovebaskets to women in need. Our ministry will extend our compassionate love to those women who live in the typhus-infested border towns of the Rio Grande, the rural – and practically inaccessible, to anyone with a working sense of smell -- parts of Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina and Tennessee, and to the most blighted areas of Detroit, New Jersey, the Los Angeles tent cities, and all of Boston and New York. We will make our love baskets available to women on demand -- with no questions asked -- and we'll assume they want to assert their colored freedom of choice and control their supple, tawny bodies. Our abortion-inducing love kits will include the following, with complete instructions on aggressively using these abortion aids to induce benign results.

insertion of leeches or cayenne pepper into the vagina
swallowing gunpowder
throwing oneself down the stairs
hitting oneself in the stomach with a meat pulverizer
consuming turpentine
spending a night in the snow
consuming opium
consuming tansy oil
using the fungus ergot

Will no one shout Hallelujah with JESUS!!


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 02:40 AM

Hallelujah!

The main moral objection to abortion still remains; how does it materially differ from spilling male seed? Protections must be put in place to stop it hitting the ground.


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 04:38 AM

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Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
...spilling male seed? Protections must be put in place to stop it hitting the ground.
Are we re-opening the "kleenex vs. sock" debate again?


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 04:39 AM

I seem to remember that "scientists" had determined that ergot was responsible for producing witches.


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 06:59 AM

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Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
I seem to remember that "scientists" had determined that ergot was responsible for producing witches.
What about flying carpets?
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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 12:10 PM

Remember, it's not abortion if God decides to kill the baby.

Stress, pollution, malnutrition and other FAKE PROBLEMS are blamed for the miscarriages that kill 3/4 of babies in the womb, but really it's just God smiting some sinners while the smiting is easy.

Here's one way to save your baby from stress and poverty: get rich by grabbing a good business opportunity. Wire clothes hangers are going to be selling well, and the machinery that makes them is about the same size and complexity as a typical laundry room:



Why does God choose to kill a baby after it's been poked with a coat-hanger? The LORD works in mysterious ways, that's just how it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
, there'll be boat-loads of poor women suddenly forced to drop their spawn.
Not to mention potential parents of autistic and disabled kids:



Host 1: "abort the autistic" Host 2: "It's complicated" Host 3: (silent).

I'm amazed to find myself agreeing with CNN, yet here we are. Imagine where we would be Bill Gates and Elon Musk had CNN-watching, autist-aborting parents. We would still live in the good old days, calculating with slide rules and driving gas-burners the way God intended.


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 02:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
What about flying carpets?
As usual, scatterbrained ladies are changing the subject to interior decorating.

This is not the time or place for lady issues. This an important men's issue for important men.


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 05:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
This is not the time or place for lady issues. This an important men's issue for important men.
Thank you for cutting to the point, Brother Harvey. There are some loop holes than need to be bunged up to make this new pro-life law work in practice - after all, if ladies can travel between States unaccompanied, what's to stop them driving to California and murdering babies there? They even have drive thru abortion clinics called In'n'Out (don't eat the food!). Either we ban California, or ban travel to California, or install faith inspectors at border crossings with ultrasound probes to discreetly scan suspects.




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Bible Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 08:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
As usual, scatterbrained ladies are changing the subject to interior decorating.

This is not the time or place for lady issues. This an important men's issue for important men.
And how I do thank the good in Heaven above, dear Brother Harvey, that there are some women in powerful places who share the same, very important views as your own dear self!





(Mrs.) Isabella White

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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 06-25-2022, 04:56 AM

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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
insertion of leeches or cayenne pepper into the vagina
Gwyneth Paltrow has a candle for this.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Jesus Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 07-28-2022, 08:14 AM

You are right sir. Personally I think women have NO right to kill a baby, I had 8 children with a 9th on the way. I love my children, AND these women will love there children.

God made these children to grown and LOVE god. These libs and coms don’t know what us women and men (mostly men) have been through to make them.

Now there dye their hair blue, and raindow (yuck the gays) and now want to kill the babies of America! It’s crazy!!

We white people need to stand up! And not let them slay us down.
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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 07-28-2022, 10:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenLovesGod View Post
You are right sir. Personally I think women have NO right to kill a baby, I had 8 children with a 9th on the way. I love my children, AND these women will love there children.

God made these children to grown and LOVE god. These libs and coms don’t know what us women and men (mostly men) have been through to make them.

Now there dye their hair blue, and raindow (yuck the gays) and now want to kill the babies of America! It’s crazy!!

We white people need to stand up! And not let them slay us down.
Pure poetry! Your love of Jesus shines as brightly as your perky smile.


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Default Re: Landover CARES! - Landover's response to the abortion crisis - 08-01-2022, 12:08 AM

When you need to protect the Right to Life against the evils of abortion, you need don't want to bring a mere knife to a gun fight.


A “preacher” armed with a semiautomatic rifle showed up at Beto O’Rourke’s townhall in Hemphill, Texas, to challenge O’Rourke’s position on … abortion, calling it murder. A month after 20 people were murdered with an AR-15 in a Texas elementary school. This is America.



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