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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
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Location: San Francisco, California
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Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
07-03-2011, 10:12 PM
Here's yet another example of how the secular, New Age nutjobs have completely turned our world upside down:
"Magic Penis" Killing Set for Trial Date
Quote:
Malalane - A trial date is expected to be set on Thursday for 12 people arrested in connection with setting a pastor alight after accusing him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.
The nine men and three women, aged between 28 and 50 will appear in the Boschfontein periodical court in Mpumalanga on charges murder and arson.
The villagers, among them a community induna (headman), were arrested on February 24 after Albert Malwane, a pastor of the Izwi Zion Christian Church, was burnt to death a day before.
Mpumalanga police spokesperson Leonard Hlathi said that Malwane had been dragged from his one-roomed house in the Etitandini informal settlement near Jeppes Reef south of Malalane and taken to a hill, where he was set alight.
Malwane's house was also burnt and his wife and daughter went into hiding.
Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.
They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community.
The villagers also complained that Malwane's family had used muti to make then sick after Malwane's death.
One of the accused had to be carried into the Boschfontein periodical court when the 12 appeared in court on April 8.
Timothy Malwane, the father of the deceased, believes a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral.
The 12 accused have not been asked to plead.
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Yes, you read that correctly: A community of God-fearing people, upon being abused and terrorized by a phony preacher wielding a demonic penis, took the appropriate corrective action called for in the Bible...
Quote:
Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
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...and now they're the ones on trial!
Welcome to the 21st century, friends, where down is up, wrong is right, evil is acceptable, and using your invisible, magic penis to rape innocent women and children is just one more perfectly valid way of expressing yourself.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
07-03-2011, 10:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
using your invisible, magic penis to rape innocent women and children
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I wonder if it is rape if the tallywhacker is invisible.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
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Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
07-03-2011, 11:47 PM
The Devil is cunning and evil! His devious plans are beyond the knowledge of man. Who would have thought that he could give out invisible penises or have a woman turn into a giant snail and terrorise people.
We do not hear of this in America because God protects us.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
07-04-2011, 12:26 AM
Satan is truly working overtime, and this case of a woman turning into a giant snail is by no means an isolated incident. Here are horrifying images from Godless Japan:
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
07-04-2011, 12:35 AM
I can think of no form more suitable for a terrorist to assume than that of a giant snail. Imagine the havoc that she could have wreaked!
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-23-2011, 10:23 AM
As if being punished by a secular court isn't bad enough, those villagers now have a curse to contend with!
Villagers accused in magic penis killing now fear they are cursed
Quote:
A village mob in South Africa, accused of burning a pastor to death for using an invisible magic penis to sleep with women in the community, now believe they have been cursed by the dead man's family.
Earlier this year, 12 people from a shantytown near Malalane, South Africa, were charged with murder and arson for setting Pastor Albert Malwane of the Izwi Zion Christian Church on fire and burning down his house, the African Eye News Service reports.
Community members had accused the pastor of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the area. They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorizing the community.
One of villagers charged in Malwane's death, Sunnyboy Mthalala, died in May after vomiting blood and complaining of swollen feet, according to the news service.
Now, the 11 remaining accused — nine men and three women, between the ages of 28 and 50 — believe the pastor’s family used “muti,” or traditional medicine, to place a curse on those charged in his death and make them fall ill.
Pastor Malwane’s father “confirmed that a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral to haunt his son's killers,” the African Eye News Service says...
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It's a darned shame those villagers haven't clothed themselves in Christ's protection. Getting saved means never having to fear voodoo curses!
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
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Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-23-2011, 11:07 AM
One has to wonder if this invisible penis was circumcised or not? Would satan follow God's commandments or would he present this taliwacker in an unchristian way?
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Forum Member
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Posts: 189
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Location: Sept-Îles, Québec
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-23-2011, 06:12 PM
I had the boyfriend with the invisible penis once. He was pretty sensitive about it.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-23-2011, 08:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis
One has to wonder if this invisible penis was circumcised or not? Would satan follow God's commandments or would he present this taliwacker in an unchristian way?
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Since it's invisible, I suppose the only to check would be to inspect it by feel. Or maybe you could pour some paint on it or something.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-24-2011, 03:01 AM
See, this is what happens when you join some idiotic superstitious cult run by coons. Christianity is much better.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-24-2011, 08:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
See, this is what happens when you join some idiotic superstitious cult run by coons. Christianity is much better.
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I bet their answer to the idea they're a superstitious cult is that you couldn't make this stuff up because it's so far out therefore it must be true.
This is why when you read it the Bible makes such sense; it's because it actually is the inspired word of God.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Wacko South African Court says having a magic penis is OK! -
09-24-2011, 11:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
The Devil is cunning and evil! His devious plans are beyond the knowledge of man. Who would have thought that he could give out invisible penises or have a woman turn into a giant snail and terrorise people.
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Are we sure she turned into a giant snail? From the article, I thought she just turned into a regular snail, and those folk were just uncommonly easy to terrorise. Still, giant or not, it's pretty scary to think that snail's still out there.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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