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Default Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 11-29-2012, 06:25 AM

Greetings Christian Wives and Daughters

This morning I was reminded of an oh so common mistake made by women everywhere. My wife "bless her heart" neglected her wifely duties to put the seat up after using the commode this morning. Ladies, as men we don't have the luxury of sitting lazily on the bowl to do our business. Men need to stand, asking us to also reach down and lift up a toilet seat is just being cruel. As men we work VERY hard. We dont spend all day exchanging apple pie recipes with our friends and walking around barefoot. Have the common courtesy to LIFT the seat!

Ive decided next time to just "urinate" on it and have my lazy wife clean it up. My apologies for using such strong language but this Christian husband is fuming mad!

YIC Harold Law
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 11-29-2012, 06:38 AM

Tell your wife if she doesn't leave the seat up you will start pissing in the sink.


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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 11-29-2012, 10:04 AM

There is nothing worse than rushing out to do a hard days work than finding the seat is down. You end up having to go and change your suit and finding clean shoes to match.

This only happened once in my household. The missus only had to be told once. Now whenever I need to go, I find that the seat is always up and she has even put up a sign to remind my daughters to make sure once every hour that the seat is up. She has even put a little box to register the time and which one of the girls has checked.

1 Corintians 11:9
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.


Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 11-29-2012, 10:12 AM

As ever the Bible holds all the answers.

Leviticus 15:1-3 And the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, saying, 2*“Speak to the children of Israel, and say to them: ‘When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean. 3*And this shall be his uncleanness in regard to his discharge—whether his body runs with his discharge, or his body is stopped up by his discharge, it is his uncleanness"

One's aim here is to be clean and holy (Leviticus 10:10*that you may distinguish between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean,) and it is a wife's duty to attend to my body (1Corinthians 7:4 "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife."

By putting the seat up you wife would be just doing her duty.

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Maybe you are sparing the rod?

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-02-2012, 02:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas Taylor View Post
There is nothing worse than rushing out to do a hard days work than finding the seat is down. You end up having to go and change your suit and finding clean shoes to match.

This only happened once in my household. The missus only had to be told once. Now whenever I need to go, I find that the seat is always up and she has even put up a sign to remind my daughters to make sure once every hour that the seat is up. She has even put a little box to register the time and which one of the girls has checked.

1 Corintians 11:9
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
You truly lead by example sir! Ive just recently instituted your checkboard rule. My wife dutifully signs a form every time she uses the latrine.

Now when I see her going to use the commode I just point to my belt dangling on the doorhandle and nod. I think she gets the message.


Ephesians 5:22-24
22*Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23*For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24*Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-02-2012, 08:33 AM

It's a sign of how low our society has sunk that these basic values of respect and partnership in wedlock weren't already beaten into her by her father and exemplified by her mother. Toilet seat etiquette is surely one of life's basics.

I had a similar problem with which way round the paper was to be hung. She would insist on "tail to the wall" whereas any good Christian knows that this is a sign of having something to hide and keeping things from Jesus. The number of times we had to endure an evening of her shifting from one buttock to another at the dinner table over that one...



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-02-2012, 05:05 PM

You men are making me chuckle with memories from early in my marriage! My husband, of course, prefers a manly unscented soap. I had accidentally bought a soap that was slightly scented. It looked like regular, normal, unscented manly soap, but maybe it was intended for queers.

Talk about 40 lashes! I still laugh when I think about how foolish I was and how well he corrected me. Thank you Jesus for sending such a righteous man to my life!


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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-02-2012, 08:55 PM

Thank you for this timely advice. The Lord has not yet blessed me with a husband, but after reading this thread, I vow to leave the seat up in my own home in preparation and in faith of the day the Lord brings a man to my life.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-03-2012, 07:00 AM

Zeke leaves the seat up whenever he comes over for coffee or a personal bible study.

I have gotten up and gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night and have fallen in! Talk about teaching you a lesson. Cold water on the bum in the middle of the night is NOT pleasant.

It's my fault though for not checking to make sure the seat was down.




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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-03-2012, 07:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harold Law View Post
This morning I was reminded of an oh so common mistake made by women everywhere. My wife "bless her heart" neglected her wifely duties to put the seat up after using the commode this morning. Ladies, as men we don't have the luxury of sitting lazily on the bowl to do our business. Men need to stand, asking us to also reach down and lift up a toilet seat is just being cruel. As men we work VERY hard. We dont spend all day exchanging apple pie recipes with our friends and walking around barefoot. Have the common courtesy to LIFT the seat!

Ive decided next time to just "urinate" on it and have my lazy wife clean it up. My apologies for using such strong language but this Christian husband is fuming mad!
Diddo for the lid. My daughter heard in school that if you flush with the lid up it's unhygienic or something because fecal matter splashes all over the bathroom, so she started leaving the lid down after flushing. It drove me nuts. I tore off the lid and spanked my daughter with it. If God doesn't want us to get sick, He won't let us. If we do get sick, we can always pray for healing. You don't need to put the lid down. Anyway, when I tore off the lid, I accidentally pulled the seat off as well. Believe you me, it's coming out of my daughter's allowance. And she can install the new seat when it arrives, too.


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Red face Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-03-2012, 06:43 PM

We have a very simple solution in our household: Mr. Keeper does not allow me to use his toilet.

I go to the little house in the backyard.

I like to think that the time I spend on my knees cleaning Mr. Keeper's commode is akin to worship time.


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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-04-2012, 08:24 PM

I'm thankful to God for giving me a daddy that taught me well. The last time I forgot to put the seat up, I was 7. Daddy took me to the bathroom, showed me what I did wrong, then proceeded to correct me with his leather belt. I didn't sit right for a week. Guaranteed that I didn't do THAT anymore!

Now it's just a habit. Just like someone would turn the light off in a room they're not in, or brushing their teeth regularly.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-04-2012, 09:01 PM

If a woman goes to the toilet and looses her unborn eggs that is a great sin.
If that happens and the egg is swimming in the toilet I don't want to pee on it. That would be very rude in front of Jesus. Because of that my wife uses the toilet in the basement.
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-04-2012, 11:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
If a woman goes to the toilet and looses her unborn eggs that is a great sin.
If that happens and the egg is swimming in the toilet I don't want to pee on it. That would be very rude in front of Jesus. Because of that my wife uses the toilet in the basement.
The basement is an area that none of my wives were ever allowed to enter.

YBIC
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-04-2012, 11:35 PM

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Originally Posted by Matthew Hopkins View Post
The basement is an area that none of my wives were ever allowed to enter.

YBIC
Men keep all kinds of secretes from the their wives down in the basement. Basements are like closets. Some men keep their wives shoes down there with the heels cut out. You can usually find them in front of a basement mirror.
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Matthew Hopkins Matthew Hopkins is offline
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Angry Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-05-2012, 12:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Simone View Post
Men keep all kinds of secretes from the their wives down in the basement. Basements are like closets. Some men keep their wives shoes down there with the heels cut out. You can usually find them in front of a basement mirror.
I don't want to hear about your wife's secretions, Simone, and as for cross dressing, that is a mortal sin:

"The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." Deuteronomy 22:5

Shame on you! You need to mend your transvestitic ways, Simone, else Jesus is going to hand you out such a can of whup-ass you will think that heaven must be a soft cushion and pint of rye.

Don't back slide on me, Simone, I felt we were making progress here.

YBIC
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-05-2012, 01:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matthew Hopkins View Post
I don't want to hear about your wife's secretions, Simone, and as for cross dressing, that is a mortal sin:

"The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God." Deuteronomy 22:5

Shame on you! You need to mend your transvestitic ways, Simone, else Jesus is going to hand you out such a can of whup-ass you will think that heaven must be a soft cushion and pint of rye.

Don't back slide on me, Simone, I felt we were making progress here.

YBIC
Yes, Mr. Hopkins. Excuse my brief relapse. When pondering about on the couch I became absorbed in the mind of a dirty boy. I'll clean out the basement, wipe the mirror clean, and then comb straight the frizzy hair. This puckered brown eyed lad reassures you with a smile that this type of behavior will not happen again.
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Matthew Hopkins Matthew Hopkins is offline
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-05-2012, 01:57 AM

Well, I'm glad that's settled, young man. I find this sort of talk upsetting at my age.

I will pray for you.

YBIC
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-05-2012, 03:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimei View Post
Yes, Mr. Hopkins. Excuse my brief relapse. When pondering about on the couch I became absorbed in the mind of a dirty boy. I'll clean out the basement, wipe the mirror clean, and then comb straight the frizzy hair. This puckered brown eyed lad reassures you with a smile that this type of behavior will not happen again.
You talk like a fag.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Ladies, dont forget to put the seat up! - 12-26-2012, 05:15 PM

These are our God Fearing neighbors. She never disobeys.



Are you Washed in the Blood of the Lamb?
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