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Default More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-09-2022, 06:41 PM

Representatives from Landover Baptist University were summoned to the Middle East recently to look at the most recently discovered scrolls. Archaeologists read them first and recognized the perfect match between the scrolls and Landover's theology.

The surviving scrolls give license to husbands to check on wives to determine faithfulness. They point to the importance of faithful wives to a marriage.

There was also input from the very early Landover scholars and scribes. Some early Christian in name only wrote wives should have authority to investigate and meter our punishment to wayward husbands. This was wisely omitted in later copies reflecting Landover's clear understanding of God's intentions regarding the superior status of men.

Lost Bible Fragment Recovered Among Dead Sea Scrolls | Lost Bible Fragment Recovered Among Dead Sea Scrolls (patheos.com)


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-10-2022, 07:08 PM

Brother Mayor, I'm suspicious of this new scroll. Firstly, of course, it's not in the KJV so, obviously, it's not the word of God. Then at the end the article says:

Quote:
Starting Feb. 14, 2022, we’ll launch another 12-week session of Square 1, an online course and thriving community of people [just like you] who are going through spiritual Deconstruction.
Register today for 75% off. Limited seats available.
A-ha! So there is a financial motive at play. I would hate any potential future Christians to limit their tithing capacity by spending dollars on just some stuff someone wrote.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-10-2022, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Quote:
...people [just like you] who are going through spiritual Deconstruction...
I got your spiritual deconstruction right here:





Dunno about 75% off tho. If you hear of a deal, lemme know.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-10-2022, 08:32 PM

Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink, and shall drink no vinegar of wine, or vinegar of strong drink, neither shall he drink any liquor of grapes, nor eat moist grapes, or dried.

Sigh. Some days I doubt the atheist even knows what the Holy Spirit really is. I suppose he also recommends Sleep Time 5mg THC capsules such as here or psilocybin capsules similar to these.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-10-2022, 08:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink,
Erm, context?

Numbers 6:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When either man or woman shall separate themselves to vow a vow of a Nazarite, to separate themselves unto the Lord:

Or have you also stopped cutting your hair, as verse 5 directs those who are doing the Nazarite thing?

Counter 1 Timothy 5:23 "Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities."
Quote:
...Sigh. Some days I doubt the atheist even knows what the Holy Spirit really is. I suppose he also recommends...
Any drugs from the internet? Oh, he** no.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-10-2022, 08:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink, and shall drink no vinegar of wine, or vinegar of strong drink
My husband has always taken this to mean that one should drink only high quality wines and spirits. In our house, any bottle that tastes of vinegar is considered fit only to clear the drains.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-11-2022, 12:25 AM

We are having so many wonderful Christian archaeological discoveries. It's fun to speculate of what might be come along any day now. I would like to see written records that destroy today's sinners.

Wouldn't it be great to find a scroll that told of Jesus using his famous bull whip on homers? That would end the homer thing forever.

Maybe in a cave somewhere is a photograph of Jesus ascending to heaven. With so many atheists not believing true history this would convert then on the spot.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-11-2022, 12:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
It's fun to speculate of what might be come along any day now.
As someone who has undergone more than 16 weeks of rigorous scientific training to obtain a doctorate degree in chiropractic, fun and speculation are the lowest of my concerns.

Nevertheless I do enjoy studying holy relics to look for investment opportunities. It feels a bit like wandering the ruins of an ancient city, as a friend once said. You never know when you might scoop up a tiny fragment of indeterminate biological material that someone will purchase if you call it Jesus' foreskin or a fingernail, perhaps. That's what makes it so appealing.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-11-2022, 05:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
[...] In our house, any bottle that tastes of vinegar is considered fit only to clear the drains.
I keep opened red wine on my kitchen top. It gets vinegary and it is good for cooking. It is great for making red wine reductions. If I want to clean the drains I will use NaOH.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-11-2022, 05:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
If I want to clean the drains I will use NaOH.
I presume that is some kind of baloney chemistry theory. Red wine is good for cooking because duh, it's tasty. For drains use Draino.


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Default Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church - 02-11-2022, 05:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Wouldn't it be great to find a scroll that told of Jesus using his famous bull whip on homers? That would end the homer thing forever.
Yes! And maybe a scroll that discussed how important it is for women to get married as soon as they are of useful age so they can reap the blessings of the LORD. That would certainly put an end to the whole argument that millenials have against starting families because they can't afford housing and children and medical care and blah blah blah all my needs. Jesus didn't say anything about a cushy bank account, mental health or nuclear family cutting away from the crazy ones. He said give unto the LORD generously and the LORD will invest your gift wisely and pay you out in blessings so grand you won't be able to count them all! And one thing the LORD wants is more babies! Besides, someone has to outnumber the Muslims. Might as well be us.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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