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Default Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 04:44 PM



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Grammar Nazi Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 09:58 PM

Pastor, Do you still have that aging calendar girl - Miss June or something - working in the office. She's misspelled Brother Horace and Sister Mabel's name. Again. Please tell her for next time that 'Cunningham' has 3 'n's, not 2.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 10:39 PM

I regret my own failings in the paucity of my recent contributions. I fear that my congregation's funds have been frozen due to certain uncalled for actions by the Internal Revenue Service, the Treasury Department and the FBI. As a result, Church employees, like myself, have not been paid in some weeks. We have prayed over the situation and the answer has been that we are right, they are all wrong and we have been called to open a new bank account for tithes that the godless government doesn't know about. I hope to rectify my past due account in short order. God Bless!


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-25-2015, 11:12 AM

I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'. Then those green bar printouts, showing all income from all sources (Yes, even that dime grandma gave you when you were five) on one side and on the other, how much you gave to Jesus and how much you joo'd him out of.
Could you imagine being denied access to Heaven all over a dime? No one will ever fault you for over tithing. Spending money on your family is a temporary thing, spending it on God is for all of eternity. Stay the course, keep focused on the Brass Ring of Eternal Bliss©.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-26-2015, 02:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'.
Fine testimony, Brother Hutchins. Use of ChristPay™ has the potential to bring every member tithe up to date and the opportunity to add to the funds needed for Pastor Zeke's new Airbus.

We're just now at a turning point across the entire globe. The opportunity is there to convert all the Hindu, Islam and other fake faiths to Jesus. We need LBC funded to the max and Pastor Zeke on that Airbus preaching around the world.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-26-2015, 03:08 PM

I've been talking with my friends over at Mastercard/Visa Merchant services and I might be able to get them to up their process service fee 1%. The customers will not ever notice it but that 1% adds up. Of course it will be on the customer end and not the merchant. God knows how hard it is for a business to stay above ground in this Obama economy. If this works out, the funds will go into the Pastors discretionary fund and not the general fund.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: bebloggingaboutanything - 04-27-2023, 01:52 AM

Among them, the "Mount Fuji onigiri" with a high rate of check-in, the upper part is sky blue because of the addition of food coloring and butterfly pea flower water, and the middle is wrapped with mentaiko filling, which is very cute.


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Last edited by Basilissa; 04-27-2023 at 03:29 AM. Reason: John 11:35
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Default Re: bebloggingaboutanything - 04-27-2023, 06:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bebloggingaboutanyth View Post
Among them, the "Mount Fuji onigiri" with a high rate of check-in, the upper part is sky blue because of the addition of food coloring and butterfly pea flower water, and the middle is wrapped with mentaiko filling, which is very cute.

Link to midget porn site removed by a friendly moderator

Friend, what better medium to express yourself with than with ChristPay™ where you can schedule monthly payments in advance.

Why, why, why the midget porn though. Why are midgets doing porn linked in every single post to our Godly forum by Unsaved Trash members? Midgets ugh.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 04-28-2023, 11:39 AM

I'm at a bit of a loss here. We solved the delinquent tither problem in 2016 by making anyone more than 30 days behind on their tithe sit in back in the negro/hispanic section during Sunday services. So why is this thread suddenly active seven years later?


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Angry Re: Delinquent Tithers - 04-29-2023, 03:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
I'm at a bit of a loss here. We solved the delinquent tither problem in 2016 by making anyone more than 30 days behind on their tithe sit in back in the negro/hispanic section during Sunday services. So why is this thread suddenly active seven years later?
Avert your eyes brother, the midgets are back and hornier than ever.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 04-29-2023, 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Avert your eyes brother, the midgets are back and hornier than ever.
I've heard midgets are particularly bad in Summer especially in Scotchland.

Quote:
Midgets in Scotland?

We were just about to book a ferry to Scotland when my wife read an article regarding Midgets in Scotland being a huge problem.

We are in a Motorhome with 3 young kids (3/5/7). Trip was due to be the first two weeks in July.

Are the Midgets really that big a problem? Dont want a trip ruined by them. Our 2nd options is southern England (Devon/Cornwall) so changing to Rosslare wont be an issue.

Been to Edinburgh a few times so we wanted to see the hignlands / lakes / Skye etc. Thought it might be nice while the kids are small enough to be easily entertained and not looking to go to theme parks etc.

Any Tips?


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 04-29-2023, 11:52 AM

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Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
I've heard midgets are particularly bad in Summer especially in Scotchland.
Midgets are roughly the size of a tom turkey.


Quote:
MOSSBERG SA-28 TACTICAL MIDGET GUN
Whether you’re a first-timer or accomplished in the shooting sports, you can’t go wrong with Mossberg International sub-gauge autoloaders. Lightweight and quick-swinging, these versatile smaller-gauge shotguns provide maneuverability when hunting nimble upland and woodland targets, or when busting clays.
AMERICAN TACTICAL MIDGET 20-GAUGE OVER/UNDER 22-INCH
The American Tactical short barrel, over/under, 20-gauge in Mossy Oak Bottomland is a cool gun any midget hunter would want to have in their shotgun lineup. Also available in 12-gauge and 410.

CZ USA
The new CZ 712 G3 is at home in the field or on a clay target course. The gun’s gas-operated system reduces recoil and cycles 2¾- and 3-inch shotshells. Two pistons are included with the shotgun for light and heavy loads. Either piston accepts a wide range of shot shells within its designation. With the light piston installed, soft recoiling shot shells for target shooting can be cycled easily. While with the heavy piston installed, the CZ 712 G3 can take on even the hottest loads midget hunters use. The chrome-lined barrels of the 712 G3 hold up under extended firing and ensure consistent patterns with five provided extra-long Active-Choke tubes. The CZ 712 G3’s receiver and barrel utilize Mossy Oak® Elements Terra Camo.

APEX GREENLEAF MIDGET TSS BLEND
Apex Ammunition has introduced another ammunition specially for midget hunters, the Apex Mossy Oak Greenleaf Midget TSS Blend. Available in 3-inch 12-gauge 2 1/4 ounce loads and 3-inch 20-gauge 1 5/8 ounce loads, these premium “duplex” shells feature a combination of No. 9 and No. 10 TSS delivering an exceptional payload of 1,096 pellets in 12-gauge shells and 774 pellets in the 20-gauge. With a density of 18.1 grams per cubic centimeter, the Apex tungsten super shot loads hit with devastating energy. Each meticulously handloaded shell features clean-burning powder and Apex’s one-piece tungsten-grade wad system engineered to deliver the tightest patterns possible and maximum barrel protection
Selr-defense, of course.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 07-28-2023, 12:14 AM

Summer has arrived and that means you know what. Tithing increases - which due to inflation are +10% this year. Jesus died on the cross for our sins so the least we can do is pay him off in the form of tax exempt discretionary funds.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 07-28-2023, 01:57 AM

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Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Summer has arrived and that means you know what. Tithing increases - which due to inflation are +10% this year. Jesus died on the cross for our sins so the least we can do is pay him off in the form of tax exempt discretionary funds.
It makes Joe Biden angry when you give money to LBC and it reduces your taxes. And Satan, he's livid. Do your tithe and make them both mad.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Jesus' eternal love Re: Delinquent Tithers - 07-29-2023, 02:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
It makes Joe Biden angry when you give money to LBC and it reduces your taxes. And Satan, he's livid. Do your tithe and make them both mad.
Oh, yes, indeed, dear Brother Mayor Hold. And, not only does tithing to make Satan livid, but it makes Almighty very happy!

II Corinthians 9:7 "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."






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