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Default The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-25-2022, 03:06 PM

I get so many questions about LBC as I go about Freehold every day. While we are a Christian community, I can assure that tucked in among our Jesus-loving citizens are some skeptics.

When I stopped by the Senior Center for coffee yesterday one of the skeptics, an older woman, raced over to challenge me with her newest bogus argument that the Bible is not the True Word of God. It was, "If there really was a Noah's Ark, with animals of every kind on board, why didn't the beavers gnaw through the wall of the ark and make it sink?"

She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-25-2022, 03:43 PM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.
Good one, Mr. Mayor! You should warn her joke that someone might pull her teeth out if she asks any more silly questions.


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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 04:02 AM

Excellent Biblical exegesis Mayor Hold. I often find that atheist try to challenge our faith by attacking the idea that there were really two of every animal. They simply can't accept that one ark contained a pair of pandas/unicorns/Australian Aborigines/giraffes/polar bears/llamas/velociraptors and so on. I even had one Darwinist ask me where Noah fit the humpback whales - fish didn't need to get on the ark dumbass.


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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 05:51 AM

I always wondered why the dragons didn't burn the Ark. Apparently Noah fed them a lot of Alka Seltzer.


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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 08:15 AM

I always thought that Noah kept the beavers and unicorns above the waterline. I didn't realize that the beavers had a dedentition process. It should have been obvious to me that this was the case as a workplace safety issue on The Ark. Were the 2 unicorns dehorned to prevent inadvertent damage and punctures to the sides of The Ark when they swished their heads? Or were the unicorns thrown overboard to prevent more damage to The Ark? Maybe that's why there is a severe lack of unicorns these days, compared to all the other animals on The Ark. There's still plenty of beavers, depending on where you look.

Phil


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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 02:03 PM

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Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
I always thought that Noah kept the beavers and unicorns above the waterline. I didn't realize that the beavers had a dedentition process. It should have been obvious to me that this was the case as a workplace safety issue on The Ark.
Phil
I think you are right, Brother Phil, in that Noah would have planned carefully and would have considered putting destructive animals above the water line. But when he considered holes in the side during rain 24/7 for over a month, he would have decided against it.

The unicorns remain a mystery. Perhaps they were eaten by Noah and his family or fed to the lions. They would have presented a safety problem for sure.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 06:52 PM

The marsupial beaver has venomous fangs, conveniently (for it) located on the hind legs. Scurrying for the day's ration of worms or bamboo, how easy it would be for an innocent creature to be jabbed and die in horrible agony! There were more of the clean animals taken on board so that Noah would have some to kill for God after they landed safely as a thank-you sacrifice. If any of those perished, the numbers would come up short – and God is very specific on which and how many animals need to be sacrificed. Carrots are not an acceptable alternative and, if offered, would necessitate a stern response.

So I imagine, perhaps I'm being foolish, that God would have calmed these things so that nothing got envenomed. Perhaps, since there seem to be plenty surviving the flood, opium poppies could have been used?
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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 07:13 PM

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Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The marsupial beaver has venomous fangs,
The Good Lord made most things in Australia venomous. It was a hint to avoid the place which was only suitable for sinners as an introduction to Hell.





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Sinner Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 09:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
I get so many questions about LBC as I go about Freehold every day. While we are a Christian community, I can assure that tucked in among our Jesus-loving citizens are some skeptics.

When I stopped by the Senior Center for coffee yesterday one of the skeptics, an older woman, raced over to challenge me with her newest bogus argument that the Bible is not the True Word of God. It was, "If there really was a Noah's Ark, with animals of every kind on board, why didn't the beavers gnaw through the wall of the ark and make it sink?"

She did not know I have been asked that question before and consulted our pastors. I told her, "Noah pulled some teeth before the beaver pair went on board." Seeing the defeated look on her face made my day.
While I'll never question the inerrant Word of God as transcribed in the Holy Bible (fools folly) I have to wonder why the obviously senile old bat was not dealt with for making such inflammatory comments,


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Default Re: The Beavers on Noah's Ark - 09-26-2022, 11:24 PM

I never liked beavers. They're hairy and smelly and wet and full of diseases. Disgusting!


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