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Default Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 09:54 PM

Hello dear True Christians!
It has been a while since I've seen you all, I am the cat lady, but for some reason people call me crazy just because I have a big house to fit my kitty family of 230 precious kitties.

I remember some time ago I asked you wonderful people, please help me get my kitties into heaven! I know they might not have souls but there must be a way to get my kitties into heaven!
Please help me!

-The cat lady
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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:03 PM

i am sure cats go to their own heaven far from hate and dogs i have a cat named mr pickles and he is a beautiful creature full of love
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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:34 PM

230 cats? Yeeucchh, don't get me wrong, CCL, I happen to love cats but isn't 230 just a little unhygenic? Surely you don't need so many cats? I do hope that you aren't like the people here who love cats.......on their dinner plate.



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I do hope that you aren't like the people here who love cats.......on their dinner plate.
Just what is wrong with that?

Acts 10:9-16: On the morrow, as they went on their journey, and drew nigh unto the city, Peter went up upon the housetop to pray about the sixth hour: And he became very hungry, and would have eaten: but while they made ready, he fell into a trance, And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending unto him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth: Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air. And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat. But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean. And the voice [spake] unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, [that] call not thou common. This was done thrice: and the vessel was received up again into heaven.

God said it; you have to believe it; that settles it.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:46 PM

That does not mention eating cats. As a matter of fact, I don't think the word 'cat' even appears in the KJV1611.

I do hope you don't tell the cat lady that she needs to eat her cats!



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
That does not mention eating cats. As a matter of fact, I don't think the word 'cat' even appears in the KJV1611.

I do hope you don't tell the cat lady that she needs to eat her cats!
So cats aren't "fourfooted beasts of the earth"?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:49 PM

Sorry Crazy Lady, not even our most Senior Pastor can have any sway with Jesus. Don't get me wrong, I love Kitties, however Jesus'© word is final and if he says Hell and Damnation then so be it.

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Kittie about to go to Eternal Damnation



Sister Talitha

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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 10:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
So cats aren't "fourfooted beasts of the earth"?
They are hardly beast of burden. They are domestic animals, and what's more, they are good hunters and can help keep your house free of mice.

They are also very intelligent. It's just not right to eat an intelligent animal like that. And besides, look at their physical makeup. Their makeup does not suggest an animal designed to be eaten. They have more use as domestic animals than as food.

And besides, the bible is a load of hogwash!!!!



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
They are hardly beast of burden. They are domestic animals, and what's more, they are good hunters and can help keep your house free of mice.

They are also very intelligent. It's just not right to eat an intelligent animal like that. And besides, look at their physical makeup. Their makeup does not suggest an animal designed to be eaten. They have more use as domestic animals than as food.

And besides, the bible is a load of hogwash!!!!

Hogwash your mouth out you unholy trollope!

Intelligent or not, even domesticated animals are beasts that should be eaten.
I let my Kitties eat Squirrel meat as it adds to the flavour of the Cat. Gives them a "Nutty" flavour.
A Hazelnut in every bite you might say



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:28 PM

What's a trollope? Is that a cross between a troll and an antelope?

And would you stop it? You eat squirrels too? Does the monstrosity of the landover diet never end? Next thing you'll be telling me you eat endangered species like pandas that you kidnap from the zoo!



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:40 PM

Cat's are too food. Pastor Zeke LOVES Kitty Casserole with those lil crunchies on top. Crumbled potato chips on the top brown very nicely.



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Cat Lady View Post
Hello dear True Christians!
It has been a while since I've seen you all, I am the cat lady, but for some reason people call me crazy just because I have a big house to fit my kitty family of 230 precious kitties.

I remember some time ago I asked you wonderful people, please help me get my kitties into heaven! I know they might not have souls but there must be a way to get my kitties into heaven!
Please help me!

-The cat lady
As a senior pastor here, I would be thrilled to perform an en más baptism (en más meaning all at once, NOT anything to do with Cathylicking). But I feel our Lord Jesus Christ would be disappointed if the requester (Crazy Cat Lady) didn't take the baptism seriously. Perhaps the best way to show Jesus your commitment would be by paying a reasonable baptismal fee of say, $300 per cat. How does that sound???

PS I'm pretty sure our Lord Jesus Christ won't let those long tailed rats into Heaven, but it doesn't hurt to ask

PS PS Long haired cats must wear a swim cap in the baptismal pool!
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Default 11-22-2006, 11:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
They are hardly beast of burden.
How is that passage limited to beasts of burden?

Quote:
They are domestic animals, and what's more, they are good hunters and can help keep your house free of mice.
We get wool from sheep and cashmere from goats. Are you opposed to eating lamb, mutton, and goat?

Quote:
And besides, look at their physical makeup. Their makeup does not suggest an animal designed to be eaten.
So you admit that animals were designed and didn't just evolve. We're making progress.

Quote:
And besides, the bible is a load of hogwash!!!!
Then why do you care so much what it says? Make up your mind.

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
And would you stop it? You eat squirrels too? Does the monstrosity of the landover diet never end? Next thing you'll be telling me you eat endangered species like pandas that you kidnap from the zoo!
When last I checked, cats were not an endangered species, and neither were tree rats squirrels.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:53 PM

I meant the MAKEUP of its body. The way EVOLUTION has designed it. I used that for lack of a better word. I do not believe in the intelligent design theory, sorry.



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I do not believe in the intelligent design theory, sorry.
Good Heavens! Neither would any one else if you were the poster child. (snicker)


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-22-2006, 11:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
What's a trollope? Is that a cross between a troll and an antelope?

And would you stop it? You eat squirrels too? Does the monstrosity of the landover diet never end? Next thing you'll be telling me you eat endangered species like pandas that you kidnap from the zoo!
Panda's.............Ah YES!!
A bit like Golden Eagle but a different colour meat!

YUMMY



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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-23-2006, 12:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I meant the MAKEUP of its body. The way EVOLUTION has designed it. I used that for lack of a better word. I do not believe in the intelligent design theory, sorry.
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This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-23-2006, 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
As a senior pastor here, I would be thrilled to perform an en más baptism (en más meaning all at once, NOT anything to do with Cathylicking). But I feel our Lord Jesus Christ would be disappointed if the requester (Crazy Cat Lady) didn't take the baptism seriously. Perhaps the best way to show Jesus your commitment would be by paying a reasonable baptismal fee of say, $300 per cat. How does that sound???

PS I'm pretty sure our Lord Jesus Christ won't let those long tailed rats into Heaven, but it doesn't hurt to ask

PS PS Long haired cats must wear a swim cap in the baptismal pool!
Why thankyou, Glendora, for being such a sweet lady and caring about saving my precious kitties.
Money is not a problem, I was left quite a bit by my dear deceased parents.
Would this baptism leave them ok? They wouldn't be harmed?
I really don't want to eat my precious kitties, so sorry to all the other lovely posters here, but I'd rather keep them alive.
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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-23-2006, 12:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Cat Lady View Post
Why thankyou, Glendora, for being such a sweet lady and caring about saving my precious kitties.
Money is not a problem, I was left quite a bit by my dear deceased parents.
Would this baptism leave them ok? They wouldn't be harmed?
I really don't want to eat my precious kitties, so sorry to all the other lovely posters here, but I'd rather keep them alive.
Of couse they would be OK. Once submerged in our unique and secret blend of special waters, those kitties would experience a radical shift in spirituality known only by Jesus' chosen few at LBC. As far as the eating part, I sure hope you aren't Chineeese. I have wondered about that Orange Chicken at Mr. Wong's . . . I don't recall pieces of meat quite like those at Mr. Wongs . . . at least not on a chicken.


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Default Re: Hello and help me save the kitties!! - 11-23-2006, 12:28 AM

No, I'm not Chinese, but I've heard they eat kitties

I'm glad to hear that you can help my precious kitties, I'll be most happy to take you up on your offer and arrange a kitty tithe ®.

Bless you, Glendora, Amen!!
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