[Old Man Hatchet]

The Pillsbury Doughboy, or Poppin' Fresh, has much to giggle about. Over the decades he has turned scores of decent American boys into depraved sodomites. He has made batch after batch of homosexuals for his master, Satan, and his secret ingredient is parental apathy.



No one can refute that the Doughboy is gay. His dainty little scarf, the effeminate way he swivels his hips, his girly voice--all of this makes him the most conspicuously gay icon in the history of advertising. He makes Little Debbie look like the Marlboro Man. In the seventies, advertising geniuses gave him a wife, Poppie. The idea was so laughable that Poppie was dropped quicker than a Negro's trousers when he has a white woman alone.



It's obvious the makers of Pillsbury products have a homosexual agenda even without taking their mascot into account. Their packaging is disturbingly phallic. They are as obsessed with tallywackers as Georgia O'Keeffe was with cooters.



Friends, I don't know what the name "Poppin' Fresh" means. It is probably gay slang, and it more than likely has something to do with the anus. I do know that at the end of Pillsbury Doughboy commercials, the little homer is typically poked with a giant finger, another phallic symbol.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=6

Brothers and Sisters of Christ, keep this insiduous product far from your homes. Don't let the Doughboy's next victim be your child.

[Deaner]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=6

There's absolutely no doubt he's a fat little queer; that "Funfetti" in the commercial was rainbow colored.

[Brother V]

So very true brother.

Looking through all the Pillsbury products, I don't see any that are unleavened.

Matthew 16:6 Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.

And of poppin' fresh!

YIC
V

[Old Man Hatchet]

Well observed, Brothers. Also note the sly use of product placement to reinforce their homosexual agenda:



How many children have hankered for weiners--particularly those belonging to boys named Nathan--after seeing this advertisement? I urge all True Christians™ to boycott stores where Pillsbury products and Nathan's Beef Franks are sold.

[lord warrior]

How bout there " hot,fresh cinnamon buns", if that ain't a refferance for for sodomy than what is?

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by lord warrior

How bout there " hot,fresh cinnamon buns", if that ain't a refferance for for sodomy than what is?

My wife calls me "hot buns." Are you suggesting she wants to sodomize me?

[Old Man Hatchet]

These lurid boxer shorts make me sick. Notice the proximity of the Doughboy to the groin area and how he positions his backside towards it. You can be certain that something is poppin' up under that perverted little homer's apron.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

That is such a vile disgusting image that it leaves me speechless, Brother Hatchet. The home made cinnamon buns my mother made growing up never had suggestive icing dripping like that during my youth.

Vance Packard ("The Hidden Persuaders") had stern warnings over a half-century ago that no one paid any attention to. Now we see the results as our nation slowly declines into depravity. The present "MySpace" generation is no longer interested in killing mooselimbs and defending our country to the threat of terror. Thanks to Pillsbury their "MySpace" is now centered in their anal cavities with their "fun buns" recreation.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

That is such a vile disgusting image that it leaves me speechless, Brother Hatchet. The home made cinnamon buns my mother made growing up never had suggestive icing dripping like that during my youth.

Vance Packard ("The Hidden Persuaders") had stern warnings over a half-century ago that no one paid any attention to. Now we see the results as our nation slowly declines into depravity. The present "MySpace" generation is no longer interested in killing mooselimbs and defending our country to the threat of terror. Thanks to Pillsbury their "MySpace" is now centered in their anal cavities with their "fun buns" recreation.

I share your indignation, Brother Bryan. Now, whom do you consider to be more gay: the Rice Krispies or Keebler Elves?

__________

I'm in the midst of listing all of the advertising mascots I find offensive, and I'm not sure which deserves the slightly higher ranking. Either way, they are going right before Charlie the Tuna and just after the Vlasic Stork.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

I share your indignation, Brother Bryan. Now, whom do you consider to be more gay: the Rice Krispies or Keebler Elves?

....
I'm in the midst of listing all of the advertising mascots I find offensive, and I'm not sure which deserves the slightly higher ranking. Either way, they are going right before Charlie the Tuna and just after the Vlasic Stork.

You present a bit of a conundrum, Brother Hatchet. I have a hard time assessing the level of fagotry between the Rice Krispies and Keebler Elves. One thing for certain, they both have contributed to debasing the public taste. We now have a reality TV show based on the perverse exploits of a family of dwarfs. They are all homers, I dare say.

I have always felt that Charlie Tuna presented a false Kantian dichotomy between "good taste" and "tasting good", leading to an instant oral gratification fixation in our culture. This has recently expressed itself in the bathroom toe-tapping headlines in Minnesota. People seem to be visiting that bathroom stall as if it were some sort of religious shrine.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

You present a bit of a conundrum, Brother Hatchet. I have a hard time assessing the level of fagotry between the Rice Krispies and Keebler Elves.

Indeed. They are like the Olsen twins: equally reprehensible and wholly indistinguishable.

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

I have always felt that Charlie Tuna presented a false Kantian dichotomy between "good taste" and "tasting good", leading to an instant oral gratification fixation in our culture.

Speaking of indistinguishable, I scribbled some notes next to my entry of Charlie the Tuna on my list, and they read, word for word, as you wrote above. We are both clearly inspired by the Holy Spirit, my fellow Brother-in-Christ.

[Marshall]

Overtly homosexual food makes Jesus puke. This is almost as bad as "Tootsie Rolls" and "Tootsie Pops". Obviously Negroid in nature and definitely phallic. Imagine your kids sucking on these brown things!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet

....We are both clearly inspired by the Holy Spirit, my fellow Brother-in-Christ.

Yes Brother, the power of the Lord is with us. Jesus sent a wake-up call to the only "normal" member of that family of heathen homer dwarves by bashing him in the head:

http://www.tvgasm.com/newsgasm/news/...ity-star-n.php

Nine-year-old Jacob Roloff, a full-size boy whose parents and older brother are dwarves, underwent surgery for a dented skull after a 25-foot medieval trebuchet (or catapult) misfired on the family farm over the weekend. Viewers of the TLC series might remember back in April when the family built the 25-foot wooden war weapon for the cameras.

The catapult is used to hurl pumpkins, not dwarves (this is TLC, not Fox, after all).

Jacob was cocking the Pythonesque device when its 2000-pound counterweight slammed into his head and repeatedly smashed into Mike Detjen, a local engineer who was loading the contraption. Mike needed 200 stitches.

Jesus is also warning the unsaved about celebrating the upcoming Haloween.

Glory!

[SUV]

The Pillsbury Doughboy has always sickened and disgusted me. And to have named this vile little piece of fluff after Our Manly and Heroic Men who fought so bravely during World War I, too!

[Sister Noddy]

Originally Posted by SUV

The Pillsbury Doughboy has always sickened and disgusted me. And to have named this vile little piece of fluff after Our Manly and Heroic Men who fought so bravely during World War I, too!

So right Sister SUV! I can't wait for the day Jesus butt-kicks its fat squishy repulsive little body into satan's Lake of Fire!

... marshmallows, anyone?

[Marshall]

Pudgy little Homer makes kids hate Jesus.

[Sneaky Hippo]

Why would Pillsbury have a gay mascot? In fact, why would a real humanoid piece of dough have a sexual orientation at all? The reason he has a high voice and laughs when he is poked is because people find it cute. Think about it, babies are cute, babies have high pitched voices, and if you poke their belly (not too hard) they will giggle. By associating the pillsbury doughboy with a baby people will be more attracted to it and more likely to buy the product.
The term "Poppin' fresh" has to do with the fact that the dough is trying to rise in the container but it doesn't create enough pressure to break it. When you open it the pressure releases all at once making a popping sound. The "phallic" shape of the container is also due to the pressure. A square box would have weak points at the corners and edges making it more likely to pop open during shipping. A sphere shape would be the best for containing the pressure but it would be impractical to ship and store and difficult to produce. A cylinder shape is the most practical alternative.

[One-eyed Jack]

Goodness me! A logician has infiltrated our Godly forum.

About rings and circles and donuts and sodomite imagery: I will not post G0at$e, and in my exalted role as board idiot I forbid you to do so (of course you wouldn't but I must be clear, you understand of course). But if you would, visualize that very common image...urgh. Ewwww! Never mind. Do NOT visualize it.

Let us just say that topologists view the vertebrate body plan as a donut, the digestive system being the hole in the donut. Or if you are Hawaiian, the haole in the donut. </jest>

The reproductive system of the female, of course, is not topologically equivalent to a hole at all. This may startle many teenaged boys, but it is true.

Now, not all rings symbolize ungodly introcoarse with the nether digestive tract. You are quite right in that. That is where Christian insight comes into play.

Christians are people of faith. (Lately I have become fond of writing that. I think I will write it again!) Christians are people of FAITH! Christians will pick faith over logic every time. Logic plays a nice fiddle, but it is second fiddle. Faith is the first chair; faith is the concertmaster.

And so (having come the long way about) we have faith that we can recognize the unrighteous and unGodly efforts of liberal-dominated cereal companies to corrupt Christian youth. Our faith leads us to recognize the wedding ring as a symbol of Christ's never-ending love and the circular logic of Biblical infallibility, and the circular cereal bits promoted by Toucan Sam as a thinly veiled visual metaphor for homosexual rump-lust.

One can present a whole symphony of logic, but to the faithful logic is meant only to harmonize with faith...and never to take over the main theme.

That is why you should vote Huckabee for President. He is of the Faithful, and you can be sure that his national policies will not be guided by anything as flawed as human logic and reason.

Praise ye the Lord...but not Toucan Sam!

~~ OEJ

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

I am shocked and apalled people actually pay MONEY to bring these demonic creatures into their homes. This is clearly Satan's World as even the food we eat is infested with evil.

I will never buy a box of cereal again. Only people who want burn in HELL would!

[JennyD]

Even Life Cereal isn't safe!