[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Now I know that holidays are a tricky time to talk rationally, since emotions naturally run high and of course there is the annual drama-fest amongst believers and non-believers.

However, I have been moved to warn those among us of weaker faith of the dangers of celebrating this small yet dangerous holiday: the so-called Pi Day.

Now, as True Christians, we all know that Pi = 3.000.... In fact, that was one of my more proud moments, when I was able to prove this mathematically, which should put this issue to rest once the rest of the scientific community wakes up and smells the beans.

An of course, since mathematics is only a reflection of God's Creation, we turn to the answer key, the 1611 King James Bible, and we find the Biblical proof clearly defining Pi as 3.0:

Originally Posted by I Kings 7:23

23And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.

Well, my friends, the public schools still hold true to their outdated idea that Pi is a number that "never ends", 3.1415926.... forever Unfortunately this nasty little lie has been difficult to disprove, especially with public schools teaching this nonsense to innocent children. As such, the liberals believe that today is some cosmic holiday, Pi-Day, since it is 3-14.

I am here to caution you against this misappropriation of "logic"! We must stand fast against this travesty, taking something as American as Pie and turning it into a mockery of our Lord. In the same way that Easter has become an excuse for a pedophile in a bunny suit to fondle little children, we have all of society rejoicing in their so-called mathematics, which is surely a kick in the knickers for the One who clearly states that Pi = 3.

Perhaps you can do what I do: observe Pi day every 30th of the month. Enjoy some delicious warm Apple Pie and remember that the Lord has stated that Pi = 3, just as clearly as there are 7 days in a week, 365 days in a year and the earth is 6,000 years old.