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Default Underoos - 10-07-2007, 11:56 PM

I visitied my daughter yesterday evening and performed my routine sin inspection, rummaging through closets and rifling through drawers. I came across a pair of Supergirl Underoos in my granddaughter's underthings drawer. Naturally I beat my daughter and granddaughter for this outrage and confiscated the vile underclothes.



Brethren, Underoos combine popular characters from the world of children's entertainment with underwear. It's an unholy union. Superman, The Incredible Hulk, Wonder Woman, He-Man, C-3PO, and Batman are just a few of the Godless characters that can be found on these despicable undies.



A child wearing Underoos becomes unruly and excited; consequently, the child makes a sick association between underwear and excitement for the rest of his or her life. Underoos teach children that underwear is fun. They are a gateway garment to leather, crotchless, and edible panties. Additionally, children may develop a fetish for the character which adorns their skivvies, becoming aroused by, say, Scooby-Doo or Aquaman.

Do not allow your children to wear Underoos, friends, lest they grow up to be like these "super" perverts:
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 12:10 AM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post

I visitied my daughter yesterday evening and performed my routine sin inspection, rummaging through closets and rifling through drawers. I came across a pair of Supergirl Underoos in my granddaughter's underthings drawer. Naturally I beat my daughter and granddaughter for this outrage and confiscated the vile underclothes ...
Oh this is not good news, OMH! I know my Godly son-in-law would slap me upside the head if he caught me wearing something sinful like that!


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 01:06 AM

Your tragic story has compelled me to take a break from my Christmas baking and spend some time behind the sewing machine making my new Landover Baptist Church Underoos. GLORY!


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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 01:11 AM

I completely agree Brother Hatchet. Those can only lead to Homerism or an overcharged libido.

These I can understand.
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 09:44 AM

I would have thought people like yourselves would like underoos? They do, after all, cover more than your average set of underwear.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 11:06 AM

I prefer the type made in America, with our Savior's image emblazoned upon the front. Quite comfy too.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 02:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I would have thought people like yourselves would like underoos? They do, after all, cover more than your average set of underwear.

A child wearing Underoos becomes unruly and excited; consequently, the child makes a sick association between underwear and excitement for the rest of his or her life. Underoos teach children that underwear is fun. They are a gateway garment to leather, crotchless, and edible panties. Additionally, children may develop a fetish for the character which adorns their skivvies, becoming aroused by, say, Scooby-Doo or Aquaman.
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-08-2007, 03:13 PM

Indeed Brother Hatchet,

This little homer clearly has an underwear fettish already.



I fear he will grow up to be like THIS.



Or THIS



These underwear are indeed a threat to our True Christianchildren. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention.


A VERY concerned, Sister Thumper




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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 05:55 AM

One day you're wearing these Satanic children's underwear and the next you're joining up with the Mormons and their horrific devil-worshiping cult of underwear.
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 06:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall View Post
I completely agree Brother Hatchet. Those can only lead to Homerism or an overcharged libido.

These I can understand.
I AVERT MINE EYES, OH LORD! THESE ARE THE SIN-DERWEAR of the mormonS who believe they are bulletproof while wearing them.

God in Heaven, never post anything like that again! mormon underwear. UGHHHH!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 08:51 AM

I must admit to having had quite a problem viewing this page with my eyes shut.
Praise Jesus I can put my Post here without actually seeing what's been written. I can only imagine the depravity
Well, actually, NO I CAN'T but I think It's disgusting anyway.
It's bad enough having to review new Books and Films with my eyes closed but I never realised such filth would appear on "Jesus' favourite Forum".

I'm glad It's our Men who have the duty of checking townsfolk are wearing proper Under things.



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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 08:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
I must admit to having had quite a problem viewing this page with my eyes shut.
Praise Jesus I can put my Post here without actually seeing what's been written. I can only imagine the depravity
Well, actually, NO I CAN'T but I think It's disgusting anyway.
It's bad enough having to review new Books and Films with my eyes closed but I never realised such filth would appear on "Jesus' favourite Forum".

I'm glad It's our Men who have the duty of checking townsfolk are wearing proper Under things.
Yes, it is awful, but someone has to do it. I don't recall YOU stopping at any of our checkpoints recently. I suppose it is time to do another search. As policy requires, there must be another female in the room while I am searching you. Bring that nice girl that came with you last time, ok?


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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 09:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Yes, it is awful, but someone has to do it. I don't recall YOU stopping at any of our checkpoints recently. I suppose it is time to do another search. As policy requires, there must be another female in the room while I am searching you. Bring that nice girl that came with you last time, ok?
If you call yesterday not being recent then of course you can do an inspection dear Pastor.

By the way, that wasn't a girl.
I was escorting a Drag Queen out of town after Pastor Bobby Joe had finished Ministering IT.



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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 09:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
If you call yesterday not being recent then of course you can do an inspection dear Pastor.

By the way, that wasn't a girl.
I was escorting a Drag Queen out of town after Pastor Bobby Joe had finished Ministering IT.
Ha Ha Ha! Dear Sister Talitha, always the little kidder! Just stop by my office, dear. I'll have nurse Ratchet in attendance.


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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 07:16 PM

Friends, I am utterly exhausted from researching Underoos. I just want to add that I noticed the phrase "heat resistant wasitband" on the back of the packaging. What sort of lewd, immoral, friction-based activity did the manufacturers have in mind when they designed these things?



Children who wear Underoos will discover that the underwear does very little in the way of resisting heat in the fiery pits of Hell.
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 07:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
If you call yesterday not being recent then of course you can do an inspection dear Pastor.

By the way, that wasn't a girl.
I was escorting a Drag Queen out of town after Pastor Bobby Joe had finished Ministering IT.
Curiously it was a she. It seems the plastic industry can do some pretty impressive things with simulated "limbs". You can imagine my shock and disgust when I found it she wasn't a guy in drag. There is nothing worse than looking into a pair of frilly lace panties and finding a cooter. She was one of these gay guys trapped in a woman's body so I had to spend the entire security search turning down her offers to have homer sex with me. What a sicko.

We ever did you find her/he/it Talitha?



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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 07:42 PM

Should the word "shrinkage" be on the package?

Do they resist the cold?
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-09-2007, 09:09 PM

When did the "hair shirt" ever go out of style? I'd imagine they came in a set, with "hair panties." Or was that just a style for catlicks?

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Default Re: Underoos - 10-10-2007, 09:36 AM

Yeah, I know, huh?

Liddow Johnny Smith sez you should only wear garmies, but you should wear 'em, like awe thuh time. He juss' came back from like a whow two years some place, an' now he says I gotta call him an Eldar. But he still lives at home wif' his Mawmy, sos I think that's silly. But like He says Underoos are bad too on accounta nuthin' good ever came from Ozzie-land on accounta Satanizerism. An' garmies.

What're garmies?
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Default Re: Underoos - 10-11-2007, 12:16 AM

You guys are freakin me out with all this shrinkage stuff. I haven't worn briefs in ages because of that rumour (or fact)!

And I know this is a little off topic, but I imagine it goes along with soiling underoos... but are you guys having the Hell House this year? When is it? I seriously want to come. All the secular haunted houses aren't even scary!
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