[Martin J. Godeberht]

Chapter 1

Greetings from Paul

Most people sign their names at the end of a letter, Paul did it at the beginning. He wasn’t a fairy even though he kind of talks like one here; this was just the way things were done back then. Also, this reads like one long, drag-on sentence, but he was excited. (Ephesians 1:1-3)

4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

Jesus decided before time which ones of His human creations would be True Christians™, holy and blameless before Him. He did this by adopting us as children are adopted, intended to be raised and treated like legitimate children (Ephesians 1:5-6).

True Christians are perfect

7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

Because of the blood Jesus spilled on the cross, True Christians™ are a free people. We are free of penalties and punishments and any and all blame chalked up by all our misdeeds. In other words, True Christians are Perfect! God did this because it pleases Him to do it. There’s really no point in asking how this all works, how does blood make someone perfect, the question you should be asking is how do I get on board? (Ephesians 1:8-10)

11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:
12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.

People who actually trust Jesus inherit the same treasures as the legitimate child (in this case Jesus) because God decided it would be that way long before anyone else could offer ideas or advice. And this makes God happy, so we are happy. (Ephesians 1:11-12)

13 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

The holy Spirit of promise is the seal placed on our souls so God knows who has been chosen for perfection and who hasn’t. If you don’t have that seal, you’re screwed. Paul is super happy the Christians in Ephesus have this seal. He prays for them to also have the spirit of wisdom and knowledge of Jesus, and really understand what their inheritance means. The bible doesn’t say how some people can have the seal, have Jesus dwell inside them, and still not know what’s going on, but there it is. I guess the take away message is you don't have to know what's going on, you just have to believe the bible. (Ephesians 1:14-19)

21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:
22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,

God put Jesus at the top of all creation, higher than the most powerful kings here on earth, higher than all the angels in heaven, and especially over the church. For this reason, True Christian™ churches are the most important things in the world, more important than rulers or governments or celebrities or business tycoons or rocket scientists or medical geniuses or anyone or anything else. (Ephesians 1:20-23)

Chapter 2
True Christians have work to do

1 And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;

You used to believe the garbage the world, led by Satan, told you was true. Don’t deny it, we all did. We were spiritually feral children before Jesus took us in, and He did it because He is merciful and doesn’t want to see some of us damned for all eternity. (Ephesians 2:1-5)

6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.

Those of us God decided to spare eternal punishment will sit together with Jesus as rulers of the world. On a personal note, that will be awesome! (Ephesians 2:8-9)

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

We have responsibilities now, so get busy. And don’t let this promise of being world rulers get to your head because Jesus remembers when you were no better than the spiritual buffoons around you who are destined for eternal damnation. So be grateful that God chose you. (Ephesians 2:11-13)

18 For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.

God doesn’t care who you were before He called you, whether you were a greedy Jew or smelly Egyptian or ignorant goat herder. True Christians™ are one big, happy family now, a family made of members who are equally perfect. A family God is working through us now that Jesus has retired from His earthly ministry. We’re more powerful than the Medicis, more important than the Koch brothers. (Ephesians 2:19-22)

Chapter 3

1 For this cause I Paul, the prisoner of Jesus Christ for you Gentiles,
2 If ye have heard of the dispensation of the grace of God which is given me to you-ward:

Paul tells them they know who he is, and he’s writing this letter because he’s stuck in prison. He’s telling us that as True Christians™, we have to go out and work now, namely, convert sinners. It doesn’t matter who they are, everyone who isn’t a True Christian™ is a sinner. (Ephesians 3:3-7)

8 Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ;
9 And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ:

Paul doesn’t sound sanctimonious at all.

14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Paul’s prayer is that God would would give us supersized spiritual strength and understanding. God can do it, too, so praise Him. And here Paul finally finishes his sentence. (Ephesians 3:15-21)