[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Robert Vaughn Young and I represent the Freewinds chapter of the Church of Scientology. My church, located in Freewinds, Iowa, is hosting a picnic open to the public on July 25 at Noon till 8 PM. There will be free food and drinks as well as free auditing for any who are interested. We will be exhibiting our newest E-Meter models including the EM512 and the very elegant EM120. There will be a special presentation on the benefits of joining the Church of Scientology, and it will include highlighting acts from bands such as the Insane Clown Posse and superstar rapper Vanilla Ice! We are expecting hundreds of attendees and we hope to get many new members. I welcome all members here to join us for a copacetic day of food and recognition!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

To be frank, as I usually am, I would rather share a band-aid with a leper; but thanks for the offer.

[Talitha]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Robert Vaughn Young and I represent the Freewinds chapter of the Church of Scientology. My church, located in Freewinds, Iowa, is hosting a picnic open to the public on July 25 at Noon till 8 PM. There will be free food and drinks as well as free auditing for any who are interested. We will be exhibiting our newest E-Meter models including the EM512 and the very elegant EM120. There will be a special presentation on the benefits of joining the Church of Scientology, and it will include highlighting acts from bands such as the Insane Clown Posse and superstar rapper Vanilla Ice! We are expecting hundreds of attendees and we hope to get many new members. I welcome all members here to join us for a copacetic day of food and recognition!

Son, I'm sure your Momma is right proud of you for getting an "Ology".
I'm afraid it doesn't impress us True Christians™.
Scientology is a False Religion which means you and your fellow Ologists are going to Hell.

[Shinigami]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Robert Vaughn Young and I represent the Freewinds chapter of the Church of Scientology. My church, located in Freewinds, Iowa, is hosting a picnic open to the public on July 25 at Noon till 8 PM. There will be free food and drinks as well as free auditing for any who are interested. We will be exhibiting our newest E-Meter models including the EM512 and the very elegant EM120. There will be a special presentation on the benefits of joining the Church of Scientology, and it will include highlighting acts from bands such as the Insane Clown Posse and superstar rapper Vanilla Ice! We are expecting hundreds of attendees and we hope to get many new members. I welcome all members here to join us for a copacetic day of food and recognition!

I would most likely call the FBI to report a CP ring meeting where you plan to have your event. I would either do that or I would get a bunch of protestfags (Project Chanology people) and have them do a raid. I might also mention the Xenu story in full as written by L. Ron Hubbard. That would really put you Out Ethics wouldn't it?

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Robert Vaughn Young and I represent the Freewinds chapter of the Church of Scientology. My church, located in Freewinds, Iowa, is hosting a picnic open to the public on July 25 at Noon till 8 PM. There will be free food and drinks as well as free auditing for any who are interested. We will be exhibiting our newest E-Meter models including the EM512 and the very elegant EM120. There will be a special presentation on the benefits of joining the Church of Scientology, and it will include highlighting acts from bands such as the Insane Clown Posse and superstar rapper Vanilla Ice! We are expecting hundreds of attendees and we hope to get many new members. I welcome all members here to join us for a copacetic day of food and recognition!

If you're going to believe in Scientology, you might as well believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Will you be serving any pasta dishes at your unHoly event?

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Hello and thank you for your prompt responses. I realize you all may not like the notion of our wonderful religion, but we are a recognized religion and we are here to stay. Our members have been converted from many sects of diffferent religions and they have mentioned they would not go back. If you would, just take some time out of your busy schedules to come celebrate Scientology with us on the 25th, you'll be sure to not regret it!

And I am happy to announce that we will be serving pasta dishes but I am sorrry, there will be no Flying Spaghetti Monster costume in attendance.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Hello and thank you for your prompt responses. I realize you all may not like the notion of our wonderful religion, but we are a recognized religion and we are here to stay. Our members have been converted from many sects of diffferent religions and they have mentioned they would not go back. If you would, just take some time out of your busy schedules to come celebrate Scientology with us on the 25th, you'll be sure to not regret it!

And I am happy to announce that we will be serving pasta dishes but I am sorrry, there will be no Flying Spaghetti Monster costume in attendance.

I'll be there, and I'll bring along a surprise treat to share!



Bobby-Joe, what would you recommend? Tear gas canisters, or shall I break out the 12-gauge?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

[...]Our members have been converted from many sects of diffferent religions and they have mentioned they would not go back. [...]

I think, if they could find their way back and the $$$ they've paid, they might.

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by JennyD

I'll be there, and I'll bring along a surprise treat to share!



Bobby-Joe, what would you recommend? Tear gas canisters, or shall I break out the 12-gauge?

I'm glad you will be attending. You will be able to learn more about our much insulted religion as well as meet new and interesting people. You may bring your own dish but please be sure to notify the proper staff of what the ingredients are. There may be people who are allergic to certain foods at this picnic. We also disprove of any weapons being brought but if you'd like to keep it concealed, there will be no concern.

[Baptists For The Win]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

I'm glad you will be attending. You will be able to learn more about our much insulted religion as well as meet new and interesting people. You may bring your own dish but please be sure to notify the proper staff of what the ingredients are. There may be people who are allergic to certain foods at this picnic. We also disprove of any weapons being brought but if you'd like to keep it concealed, there will be no concern.

I have heard this same sales pitch from a Demon peddling Amway.

Stay out of my house Demon! I command the Lord to send you back to Hell!

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I think, if they could find their way back and the $$$ they've paid, they might.

This is one of the many facets of our religion that the negative media coverage has overstated. While our religion does require money to be a member, does not every religion require some donation to keep maintained?

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by Baptists For The Win

I have heard this same sales pitch from a Demon peddling Amway.

Stay out of my house Demon! I command the Lord to send you back to Hell!

Please, there is no need for this. I am simply trying to gather interest for my church's picnic. I am sorry you feel this way, but have you ever tried Scientology? We are offering free audits at this picnic if you are interested!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

What a coincidence! We were planning on several hours of low altitude flying exercises in that very area on that very day and time. I'll make sure to wave as I pass by at just over 200 feet repeatedly with all of the other Landover AirJesus pilots in our G550s.

They aren't nearly as loud as our old planes, so you should hardly notice us as we speed past just over your heads at around 550MPH.

[Baptists For The Win]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

This is one of the many facets of our religion that the negative media coverage has overstated. While our religion does require money to be a member, does not every religion require some donation to keep maintained?

Do you still have Tom Cruise the Leopard in your church?

[Baptists For The Win]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Please, there is no need for this. I am simply trying to gather interest for my church's picnic. I am sorry you feel this way, but have you ever tried Scientology? We are offering free audits at this picnic if you are interested!

You are a Witch who is trying to trick and decieve true Christians.

I know what you are up to Witch! I will watch you from a distance. I do not want to be too close when the Satan comes to collect your soul at the picnic and cast you into the lake of fire.

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway

What a coincidence! We were planning on several hours of low altitude flying exercises in that very area on that very day and time. I'll make sure to wave as I pass by at just over 200 feet repeatedly with all of the other Landover AirJesus pilots in our G550s.

They aren't nearly as loud as our old planes, so you should hardly notice us as we speed past just over your heads at around 550MPH.

While that would be nice if you could do a couple pass overs to amuse our guests, multiple times may be too much and it could possibly ruin our carefully planned picnic. But thanks for the suggestion!

Originally Posted by Baptists For The Win

Do you still have Tom Cruise the Leopard in your church?

If you are referring to esteemed member, Tom Cruise, he is still part of our church. We have many Hollywood celebrities who have converted to our religion. With many of these icons converting, hopefully this will start to bring in more and more new members!

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

Please, there is no need for this. I am simply trying to gather interest for my church's picnic. I am sorry you feel this way, but have you ever tried Scientology? We are offering free audits at this picnic if you are interested!

Will there be free beer?


Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Dr. Robert V. Young

I'm glad you will be attending. You will be able to learn more about our much insulted religion as well as meet new and interesting people. You may bring your own dish but please be sure to notify the proper staff of what the ingredients are. There may be people who are allergic to certain foods at this picnic.

I'm sure nobody's allergic to arsenic. After all, there's so much of it in our water in Freehold, we've developed a tolerance.

Heck, we use extra for flavor . . . I keep arsenic shakers on the tables in the dining room at the Monthly Visitor!

We also disprove of any weapons being brought but if you'd like to keep it concealed, there will be no concern.

It wouldn't be much of a surprise if I were waving it about, now would it?

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by Baptists For The Win

You are a Witch who is trying to trick and decieve true Christians.

I know what you are up to Witch! I will watch you from a distance. I do not want to be too close when the Satan comes to collect your soul at the picnic and cast you into the lake of fire.

Please sir, I am not a witch. I am Dr. Robert Vaughn Young, I have been with the church for 15 years ever since my uncle enlightened me on the true path. As I said before, there is no need for such accusations. We are all intelligent adults here. We all know that the way to a quick buck is through religion. Please, just spend time at my church's picnic as it might help you make your decision about joining us!

[Dr. Robert V. Young]

Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus

Will there be free beer?


Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

I am sorry, Mr. Brother Lazarus, there will be no alcoholic beverages at this picnic. Children will be in attendance and our guests and staff despise it.

Originally Posted by JennyD

I'm sure nobody's allergic to arsenic. After all, there's so much of it in our water in Freehold, we've developed a tolerance.

Heck, we use extra for flavor . . . I keep arsenic shakers on the tables in the dining room at the Monthly Visitor!

It wouldn't be much of a surprise if I were waving it about, now would it?

There may be large quantities of chemicals in Freehold's water supply, but the guests and I would appreciate it if you did not introduce those substances into the dishes you will be bringing!

If you were to wave your weapon around at this picnic, it might cause some people to panic and I'd rather not have that. If bringing weapons becomes an issue, I will just have to refuse them.