[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Ladies,

I am distressed by the low quality of cooking good Christian men are having to suffer these days. I have even heard, on good authority, that a certain wife (whom I will not name) has even been caught trying to feed her husband tofu. TOFU!

Since I don't know anything about recipies or how to find them, I have instead decided to hold up restaurant dishes as an example of what a proper day's cooking should be:

(I've even included nutritional information so you ladies can work out your weight-watchers calculations)

Breakfast:

Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes:


Nutritional Information:
1,540 calories
77 g fat
(9 g trans fat)
198 g carbs
(109 g sugar)

Coffee:

Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz):



I know, it doesnt actually have coffee in it, but I'm using this as an example of what Coffee should be like.

Nutritional Information: 900 calories
10 g fat
183 g carbs
(166 g sugar)

Lunch:

Quizno's Chicken Carbonara (large):

Nutritional Information: 1,510 calories
82 g fat 3,750 mg sodium

Appetizers:

Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing:


Nutritional Information:
2,900 calories
182 g fat

Chili's Awesome Blossom:


2,710 calories
203 g fat 194 g carbs
6,360 mg sodium

Main Course:

Lonestar 20 oz T-bone with baked Potato and Lettuce Wedge:


Nutritional Information: 2,700 calories

Salad:

On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef:


Nutritional information: 1,450 calories
102 g fat 78 g carbs
2,410 mg sodium

Dessert:

Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream:

Nutritional Information: 1,600 calories
78 g fat

[tLakota]

Are you aware that would be a grand total of 15,310 calories!?!?! OMG!!! You'd die of heart disease in three years! Well, that's a guess... But still, human fat is valued at 3300 calories per pound. That would mean that if you got used to eating like that without exercising you could gain almost 5lbs a day!!! That's ridiculous. Even if you shared half that food with you're wife you'd both get mega fat within a year. How about something less fattening. Like eggs toast and fruit for breakfast, turkey on sourdough with veggies for lunch, and steak or chicken with veggies and iced tea for dinner. My daddy always liked sweets on special occasions like birthdays, parties, and celebrations. Not every night. He was also a prolific body builder, and won Mr. Arkansas 6 times. Don't encourage women to kill their husbands through food. That kinda of junk is bad for you. I'd suggest you leave cooking and meal planning to the women since all you have to do is eat it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Well you've got me smacking my lips, Brother. I think I'll have sister Thumper come over and whip that dinner up for me tonight.

[Nobar King]

YUM!! I think I'll have breakfast again today!

I wish I didn't have to go to In'n'out to get my animal fries. The name in'n'out carries sexual innuendo which makes me nervous, and if you remove a couple of letters you can add 'urge' to the end. Terrible.

Anyway, on to the fries:


That's 600 calories and 300 mg. sodium.
Heart attack on a plate? Yes. Amazingly good? Yesssss!

Smothered in cheese, diced caramelized onions, and secret sauce, these are a great substitute when you aren't anywhere near Ben's Chili Bowl in Washington, DC. The fries are kind of weighed down by all the toppings, though, so it kind of makes you wish for a thicker-cut potato . . . .

Or how about a 20x20 burger? There's a slice of cheese between each patty to keep them from slipping around. How do you eat that?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

Ladies,

I am distressed by the low quality of cooking good Christian men are having to suffer these days. I have even heard, on good authority, that a certain wife (whom I will not name) has even been caught trying to feed her husband tofu. TOFU!

I hope she lost a few good-behavior days for that. Both the Old and New Testaments contain dietary instructions, and they don't mention tofu, so how could even a mere female get the outlandish notion that we're supposed to eat it?

[Dr Clifford Ross]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

Wow, that looks correctly cooked. I love a nice plate of E Coli.

[Nobar King]

You Australians need to learn how to cook your meat.

[Dr Clifford Ross]

Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.

Of course, it is totally up to personal opinion when your steak is deemed done. I was being sarcastic. You were being condescending.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Originally Posted by Dr Clifford Ross

Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.
.

thats funny.

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by Dr Clifford Ross

Nobar, that animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.

ewww...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by VictoryOS

Yum, cheeseburgers! Does anybody else typically get two orders of fries at a time? I love fries!

I am quite partial to those chili cheese fries they serve at the "Heap Big Ha-Ha-Hee-Hee Injun Cheif Diner" down on Coon Avenue in Freehold.

Originally Posted by Dr Clifford Ross

Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.

You might want to take a look at THIS thread, miss feminazi loudmouth. Only men know how to deal with meat.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Only men know how to deal with meat.

I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy

I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.

You probably think that's funny, huh? Making jokes about real Christian men's 'meat'? You should be learning how to do a woman's work, so when *if* a man is ever captured by you there will be someone to take care of him.

Real Christian men go hunting and provide REAL meat for their families. Look at this buck, it will feed a family for a month! We'll have steaks and ribs, and other parts will go in the smokehouse to make some real mountain jerkey.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

You probably think that's funny, huh? Making jokes about real Christian men's 'meat'? You should be learning how to do a woman's work, so when *if* a man is ever captured by you there will be someone to take care of him.

Real Christian men go hunting and provide REAL meat for their families. Look at this buck, it will feed a family for a month! We'll have steaks and ribs, and other parts will go in the smokehouse to make some real mountain jerkey.

I have a man, and we take care of each other.

And I agree with you that venison is delicious.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy

I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.

I handle all Pastor Zeke's meat. I know just how it likes it done.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

I handle all Pastor Zeke's meat. I know just how it likes it done.

I'm sure you do.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

I handle all Pastor Zeke's meat. I know just how it likes it done.

And she gets the back of my hand if she overdoes it too. Praise God.

[Justina Thyme]

Amen, Pastor Zeke and Sister Thumper. I just don't understand why some people cannot grasp the natural order of things as outlined in the Holy Bible.

[lilpentecostalgirl (Quarantined)]

Ok lets see how this would be...............
Breakfast 3 meat omelet, biscuits, gravy, and bacon
Lunch Fried chicken, mashed taters, homemade mac and cheese and rolls
Dinner meatloaf, fried taters, brown gravy and homemade banana pudding.
Snack before bed homemade hot chocolate and homemade pound cake

[VictoryOS]

Do the mashed potatoes at lunch have gravy on them?