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Default Day 282. Malachi 3-4 - 09-22-2011, 05:00 PM

Malachi 3-4

Malachi 3

1 Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the LORD, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.

God is coming back, we don't know when, but he's coming back.

2 But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire, and like fullers' soap:

Fuller's soap is an alkali based soap that is used to clean wool before it is made into garments. It was usually urine mixed with some other chemicals, like potassium nitrate, or sodium carbonate. It's not a bar of soap, it's something coarse and caustic. It will clean you, it will burn you. When you get cleaned with either the refiner's fire, or with fuller's soap, you will be clean, but it won't be a fun process. Trial by fire includes burning.

3 And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness.

He's not just going to say, "all your sins are forgiven" He's going to get out the coarse luffa, and scrub you until most of your skin is gone.

4 Then shall the offering of Judah and Jerusalem be pleasant unto the LORD, as in the days of old, and as in former years.

Then, he'll be happy.

5 And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the LORD of hosts.

If you think being cleaned with caustic solutions is bad, wait till he has his judgement on the people he DOESN'T like!

7 Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return?

So, how does one get back in God's good graces?

8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.


Tipping. God wants his tip! Give him 10%, that's all he's asking for, just 10%. If you get a beer, tip a $1. If you get a mixed drink that costs more then $10, tip $2. If you run a tab, you can either count up your drinks at the end of the night, and leave a $1 for each, or you can go 10% or more. Remember, the bartender left customers who actually tip to go get you your beer.

God has given you much more than beer. He wants his 10%.

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

God is the same as any bartender. If you tip him real good, he just might give you a free drink. He might give you a couple of seconds extra on the pour. He might "accidentally" put your beer in a glass that's a couple of sizes too big. If you tip/tithe to God, he'll take care of his good customers.

12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.

All the other patrons will wonder why you get all the mistakes, "oops, I but a little too much tequila in that sunrise, I can't give the to anyone, would you like a free drink?" (the other customers say "man, that guy's lucky, why does he get all the free drinks?") Why? Because he tips/tithes!

13 Your words have been stout against me, saith the LORD. Yet ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee?

Not like Guinness, (a dry Irish stout), more like North Coast Old Rasputin, a Russian Imperial Stout. Guinness is thin and weak, Old Rasputin is thick, hearty, and will put hair on your chest (with chocolate, syrup, malt, vanilla, and if you look for it, possibly some licorice undertones). That's the kind of stout words that will be spoken.

16 Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

God knows his good customers. They are the ones who wrote the good review on Ratebeer and Beer Advocate. God takes care of them.

18 Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not.

Those that tip/tithe, and those cheap bastards who leave fifty cents on the cheap $1.50 beer.

Malachi 4

1 For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the LORD of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.

Global warming is prophesied in the Bible, KJV1611. So, because we know it's happening, we can say that Malachi (who ever he was) is at least a partly true prophet.

2 But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.

Odd, that they capitalized Sun. Of course it refers to Jesus. But, JESUS IS NOT A SUN CYCLE BIRTH/DEATH/RESURRECTION GOD LIKE ALL THOSE OTHER PHONY GOD'S THAT WERE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE JESUS EXISTED!!! JESUS IS REAL, NOT LIKE MITHRAS!!!

3 And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the LORD of hosts.

It's not really a victory, unless you get to trample over the burned corpses of your foes. Sure, they may have won all the other softball games that we played in the previous years, but this time WE WON! Not only did we win, but we 20 runned your asses! I don't care that you only had 9 people out there, and the right fielder couldn't run/catch/ or throw! You said you had a team, and you even kept your name TRICKY'S HIGH HITTERS!!! Don't be mad at me when we finally got our revenge. And it's not just that we got our revenge, we made your people want to quit! They stopped trying!!! We destroyed and demoralized your asses!!! We TREAD DOWN THOSE WICKED, they were the ASHES UNDER OUR CLEATS!!!

5 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD:

6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.


Remember Elijah in 2 Kings 2:11 was sucked up into heaven by a whirlwind.

When he comes back, that when all the good stuff is about to happen, like the trampling of the wicked under our cleats, I mean, under the soles of our feet.

And THAT ends the Old Testament.

So what have we learned today?

1. Tithe to the LORD, and he might give you a free drink.

2. Elijah is coming back, and you'll get to beat your nemesis.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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Default Re: Day 282. Malachi 3-4 - 09-22-2011, 08:21 PM

Interesting allegory Brother V. I never thought of looking at God like the bartender in life's bar. Bigger tips then.



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