[Santa Claus]

Ho ho ho! Yes, it's the all-time everyone's favorite and the most popular supernatural being in the whole world! It is I, Santa! My extended vacation is over and the elfs are working on overdrive to fulfill YOUR requests for this Christmas.

Don't cry or pout, cause them elfs they're a-chekin' your antics. But my deal is a simple one. No just gotta be nice! I don't care if you believe in me or not - faith is overrated anyways - I cast righteous judgment based on your behavior. Be nice and you'll get nice things. If you have no faith in me, I'll still deliver. And if you wanna have proof you can just look and see me on the telly and I'll be there and on quite a few catalogs online and on paper. The Jesus guy can never top that!

Some basic rules remain. I don't deliver people. I don't deliver abstract concepts, such as love or eternal torment for someone who showed you a bikini ad without a trigger warning. I don't deliver body parts of endangered species including the rapidly decreasing populations of Baptists. Plastics are the most certain bid. Just get 'em Christmas Wish lists a-rollin', kids! This WINTER! Santa is COMING!! To a Chimney near YOU!!



Ho ho ho!