[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by phucker67

I was hoping to omit this sullied chapter of my life from you all, but Jesus is telling me to open up and let it spill.

Mr. phucier67, on a related topic, you are the best authority we have on the Corona Virus. I noticed the other day that my smart phone was made in China. That is where the disease is spreading rapidly.

I don't know much about science so I have to ask you this. Should I wear a mask when I use my smart phone?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Should I wear a mask when I use my smart phone?

It's more convenient to put tape over the camera. The A.I. decides who to infect by using facial recognition software. (Thanks to Jim Cotton R-Arkansas for this update.)

It also helps to gargle bleach (Qanon), do whatever is done with colloidal silver(Televangelists), and avoid eating bats.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss

Now God has sent a new virus among the Chinamen and they are all going to die. It is called a Corona Virus and is apparently named after a popular Mexican beer.

You've been plagiarized:

Muslim cleric Ilyas Sharafuddin has stated that Allah has punished the Chinese by unleashing Corona virus on them for their brutal crackdown on Uighur Muslims.

In an audio address, Ilyas called the deadly Corona virus outbreak as a punishment of Allah on China for mistreating Uighur Muslims.

“Remember how they have threatened the Muslims and tried to destroy lives of 20 million Muslims. Muslims were forced to drink alcohol

[Johny Joe Hold]

I drive by a couple of Chinese restaurants just outside of Freehold. They look very busy.

Don't people know this Corona Virus is headquartered in China? I would not take the chance of eating at a Chinese restaurant.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond

It's more convenient to put tape over the camera. The A.I. decides who to infect by using facial recognition software.

(Thanks to Jim Cotton R-Arkansas for this update.)

It also helps to gargle bleach (Qanon), do whatever is done with colloidal silver(Televangelists), and avoid eating bats.

I read the response from Chinese Ambassador to the U.S., Cui Tiankai, who seems remarkably ill-informed for an oriental plenipotentiary; surely whether or not Chen Qiushi is a real person is secondary to appreciating what opinions are ascribed to him by the host nation? It's those opinions that will determine how your future statements are received.

Asked about Chen Qiushi, a citizen journalist who has covered the outbreak in China and has since disappeared, Cui responded "I have never heard of this guy, so I don’t have any information to share with you."

There's also the matter Li Wenliang. A doctor. OK, ok, a secularist physician subscribing to germ theory but remember China is advocating secular government and taking advice from lay experts rather than responding to diktat-from-on-high. Now maybe Li never existed either, never tried to warn the government, was never told to shut up and go boil his head, never died from exposure to the very thing he was warning about and the whole conspiracy theory is an imperialist plot cooked up by the running swine pig dogs of capitalism.

Cui also defended how the Chinese government had handled the case of Li Wenliang, the Chinese doctor who died last week after warning about the virus weeks before the government did, with the government eventually forcing him to retract his warnings.

“He was a doctor, and a doctor could be alarmed by some individual cases, but as for the government, you have to base your decisions on more solid evidence and signs,” Cui said.

Let's push the boat right out! The swine pig dogs cooked up a conspiracy in which Chinese doctors with critical information are told to boil their heads and journalists who report this fiction are fed to the crocodiles. All to make communism look bad, interrupt tourism, prejudice trade and dis China on a broader canvas. Surely the job of any ambassador, perhaps the only job, is to evaluate such conspiracies and respond to them in a meaningful way? Because saying “Never heard of him” or “A doctor could be alarmed by some individual cases but as for the government you have to base your decisions on more solid evidence” merely serves to reinforce the conspiracy. It's exactly what would happen if the conspiracy were true. And it's the ambassador's job to know that, too.

Way up there in their ivory tower, mandarins of The Party have no connection with reality – how could they? Where or how would they ever encounter it? In the best case scenario a peasant child despairs of progress and, showing some intelligence, decides the best way out is to climb up the ivory tower and become a god. Yes, it could happen but even if the journey avoids Obstinate and Pliable, bypasses the Slough of Despond, ignores Mr Worldly Wiseman (a well known idiot) and makes it to Celestial City the likelihood of improvement remains nil. Even Mrs Bat's-Eyes could see that. Which is where we came in. As a soup ingredient she is singularly lacking.

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond

It's more convenient to put tape over the camera. The A.I. decides who to infect by using facial recognition software. (Thanks to Jim Cotton R-Arkansas for this update.) It also helps to gargle bleach (Qanon), do whatever is done with colloidal silver(Televangelists), and

avoid eating bats.

[Alvin Moss]

During the late unpleasantness, every Yankee army that tried to invade Texas was repulsed with severe losses until the war was over and the Yankees finally landed unopposed at Galveston on June 19, 1865, a date that is celebrated by Yankees and Negroes to this day as Juneteenth. It is an empty holiday due to the fact that we let them land and there was no mighty victory to celebrate. This fact has been grating on the Yankees for more than 150 years. Now they are out for revenge.


The Yankees have been bringing airplane loads of Americans who were in China to an Air Force Base in San Antonio so they can be quarantined. Some of them have the Corona virus, which they want to spread among us. They are trying to get rid of the godly people of Texas with disease since they were unable to best us, imagining that San Antonio, where we keep the Alamo, is full of Texans. But the joke is on them! San Antonio is full of Mexicans and Yankee tourists. The Texans have all moved outside of town, where we have them surrounded.


As usual, the Devil's people are up to no good, but their scheme will fail because we Christians are armored by the Lord and proof against all Yankee borne diseases. God instructed- "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil"- Ephesians 6:11. I expect San Antonio will be a ghost town within the next few weeks and there could be some prime real estate available at attractive discounts.

[upchucker67]

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss

As usual, the Devil's people are up to no good, but their scheme will fail because we Christians are armored by the Lord and proof against all Yankee borne diseases. God instructed- "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil"- Ephesians 6:11. I expect San Antonio will be a ghost town within the next few weeks and there could be some prime real estate available at attractive discounts.

Hold onto your hats, it gets battier when you consider the very real implications the Asian offensive has put over our heads. It's dark web, Illuminati, it's all rigged when you wake up and see the very plot China has to wipe out the geriatric protectors to abduct our daughters for their Army of Satan.


Consider this


Corvid19 seems innocuous right? Now think of it like this.


Chinese
Ovulating
Vaginas
Incubating
Demons
1+9×111=
999 /= 666




It's all there, do the math! Chinese pushing out American men to impregnate our daughters with Devil's seed!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond

It's more convenient to put tape over the camera. The A.I. decides who to infect by using facial recognition software. (Thanks to Jim Cotton R-Arkansas for this update.)

The plot thickens: you know those robochink calls, where you pick up the phone and a sexy female robot says "wing wong fing fong" or whatever? They're scouting. People who listen to the sexy voice are added to a database of yellow-fever candidates, which is forwarded to ACORN, who will decide who FEMA will hire to be guards at their concentration camps.


TL;DR if listen for long enough and make heavy breathing noises, they might even let you fly the black helicopters.

[upchucker67]

I have some Good News for once. My corona is finally subsiding. The disease had culminated to a sickly boil the size of a plum on my buttocks which the doctors have lanced to drain the plasma. The ship's surgeon has informed me this boil was a result of bedsores from my lethargic stage of recovering. All the white blood cells conglomerated to my fatty folds congealing in a singular pustular growth which had to be controlled by a trained expert.
I thought I would like to share with you all this lasting souvenir of my ordeal onboard this ill-fated voyage.



[Picture of back parts removed. If Jesus wanted us to see pictures of your back parts, there would be pictures of your back parts in the Bible.] -Jeb

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

I see that false "christians" (I deliberately did not use a capital C there!) are responsible for the spread of this plague in South Korea.

A religious group in South Korea has been identified as a coronavirus hotbed, officials say, amid a sharp rise in confirmed cases in the country.
The infections among members of the Shincheonji Church of Jesus, the Temple of the Tabernacle of the Testimony (Shincheonji) are linked to one woman.
The sect in the city of Daegu accounts for 30 of 53 new cases, with officials warning of an unprecedented crisis.

Galatians 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

[upchucker67]

I would like to quickly apologize for the intimate photo I recently shared. Understand, I am still coming down from the morphine and thus I was filled with tingly feelings that affected better judgement. Moving on.

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by phucker67

I have some Good News for once. My corona is finally subsiding.

How is that good news?

The disease had culminated to a sickly boil the size of a plum on my buttocks which the doctors have lanced to drain the plasma.

If Jesus want's you to have a sickly boil the size of a plum on your buttocks, why ask Satan to remove it? Did it not occur to you that you deserve a sickly boil the size of a plum on your buttocks? Did you not realize a sickly boil the size of a plum on your buttocks is exactly what Jesus wanted for you? Did you even consider the deeper meaning of a sickly boil the size of a plum on your buttocks? Do you even know Jesus died for you and removing a sickly boil the size of a plum on your buttocks is a direct insult to Jesus?

white blood cells

Are you blind? Blood is red, not white.


I smell a Mini Mike Bloomberg voter...

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by phucker67

I have some Good News for once. My corona is finally subsiding. The disease had culminated to a sickly boil the size of a plum on my buttocks ... the ship's surgeon has informed me this boil was a result of bedsores from my lethargic stage of recovering. All the white blood cells conglomerated to my fatty folds congealing in a singular pustular growth which had to be controlled by a trained expert.
I thought I would like to share with you all this lasting souvenir of my ordeal onboard this ill-fated voyage.

Dear in Heaven! Mr. Hucker, what on Earth made you think that you needed to "share" this "souvenir" with us? "Fatty folds" -- please. I was not ready for that! As for blaming this skin condition on bedsores, might it be that the has caused that condition for another reason?

I Samuel 5:9 "And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the Lord was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts."

And, dear have mercy, please do not fib to us and say that bedsores really are the reason why you had that unsightly condition. knows a lie when He hears it, and if you don't want more punishment, then I should think twice if I were you!

Proverbs 19:5 "A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape."

[upchucker67]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

Dear in Heaven! Mr. Hucker, what on Earth made you think that you needed to "share" this "souvenir" with us? "Fatty folds" -- please. I was not ready for that!

This will sound kind of crazy, but I had it in my head you people are the sort who appreciate the facts of life in raw; give me a visceral depiction of Jesus flayed, whipped, beaten, broken and dangling as a bloody mass from the cross, over some namby-pampy sanitized depiction any day. In this same vein, I wanted to show you my boil in a no-bones, fact of life fashion. I see I erred in judgement on this one.

Originally Posted by Cranky

I smell a Mini Mike Bloomberg voter...

Oh no, good sir. MAGA all the way with me!

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by phucker67

give me a visceral depiction of Jesus flayed, whipped, beaten, broken and dangling as a bloody mass from the cross, over some namby-pampy sanitized depiction any day... I see I erred in judgement on this one.

Indeed. That sort of imagery was certainly popular in Baroque art style, especially in Spain (complete with pieces of bone showing on the knees where the skin and flesh was torn off), but we True Christians™ know that all of these images of bloody Jesus go against the Second Commandment.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

True Christian™ Brothers and Sisters, I have found a simple guide to dealing with people who cause embarrassment to others through their inappropriate behavior. I hope it may help us here.

1. Think about why they're acting in a certain way. For example, if they start to undress in public, are they too hot? If so, a bucket of iced water may be the solution.

2. Distract their attention. "Oh look, a bunny rabbit!"

3. If others are present, explain to them that the behavior is because of a mental deficiency. Encourage them to pray with the perpetrator and apply appropriate scripture (Deuteronomy 28:28-29, perhaps).

4. Keep notes to see if you can find a pattern in the behavior. For example, is it more likely to occur in particular situations, among the same people, or at certain times of the day/night? (The behavior in this case seems to occur when posting on these forums. I can only think of one solution to that.)

YiC
JL-V

[upchucker67]

Excellent suggestions. I noticed there's a lot of philistines who come here, and maybe this is what is needed to winnow out the truly perverted.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by phucker67

This will sound kind of crazy, but I had it in my head you people are the sort who appreciate the facts of life in raw; give me a visceral depiction of Jesus flayed, whipped, beaten, broken and dangling as a bloody mass from the cross, over some namby-pampy sanitized depiction any day. In this same vein, I wanted to show you my boil in a no-bones, fact of life fashion.

Isaiah 1:18 " Come now, and let us reason together, saith the ".

Yes, let us reason, Mr. Hucker. I cannot imagine why anybody would dare to compare an unsightly boil on his backside with the great suffering and sacrifice that was made when our blessed, beloved spilled precious on Calvary's cross.

Originally Posted by phucker67

I see I erred in judgement on this one.

Matthew 27:22 "Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let him be crucified."

Yes, Mr. Hucker, you most assuredly did err in judgment on this one!

For one thing, the was crucified through no fault of own, but as a symbol of great love for all mankind. As I've referenced to you earlier, it is very likely that had sent you that boil as a punishment for some hidden sin (of which we have no need to learn; so -- please -- spare us from the details!)

For another, comparing a skin condition to a Holy Sacrifice is, as far as I am concerned, blasphemous. Kindly refrain from making statements of mockery on . Decency prevails!

And, lastly, the photo that you thought that you must "share" was simply hideous! Have you any idea of how repulsive it was to look at that with the dinner hour approaching? I was just about to mix the batter for my sticky toffee pudding when the computer chimed with the arrival of your message. I'm afraid that that signaled the end of my pudding preparation.

I do so hope that you will understand. It's not that I am being fussy or unnecessarily persnickety; it's just that we must maintain the highest of standards here at and, as a servant of the , well, I feel that I must uphold my duty in service and devotion to Almighty.

[upchucker67]

Originally Posted by Nymphadora White

For another, comparing a skin condition to a Holy Sacrifice is, as far as I am concerned, blasphemous. Kindly refrain from making statements of mockery on . Decency prevails!

I was presenting it hypothetically, I didn't mean to insinuate that the lumpy growth on my butt cheek compared to the might and glory of Sweet Jesus' Torment on the Cross, no ma'am. I'm sorry about the loss of your toffee pudding, I never imagined what damage my photo could do, but my wife has recently prepared some chicken agar, and I'm sure she'd be happy to mail you a sample to composite for your loss.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by phucker67

I was presenting it hypothetically, I didn't mean to insinuate that the lumpy growth on my butt cheek compared to the might and glory of Sweet Jesus' Torment on the Cross, no ma'am. I'm sorry about the loss of your toffee pudding, I never imagined what damage my photo could do, but my wife has recently prepared some chicken agar, and I'm sure she'd be happy to mail you a sample to composite for your loss.

Dear Mr. Hucker: I mean this in the nicest possible way: unless you wish to find yourself mingling with the likes of Miss Nettles and Miss Chubsy-Wubsy, then you should use caution when addressing servants of Almighty -- particularly to this elderly lady. And, you must remember: you have had a number of "red blocks" on your profile page already.

Now, then, as for most generous offer of the agar, thank you, but no, thank you. Whilst I am sure that this is just as lovely as your wife's raspberry vignette accompaniment, I do have a number of Julia Child's books that shall keep me actively engaged for the next little while.