[Pastor Ezekiel]

I've been in communication with my bestest Pal Jesus and He's promised to visit His favorite Forum this Christmas and answer your questions, however stupid and uneducated they might be. Don't let Him down and remember to keep them tithes a-comin'. I NEED the jet NOW!



My question to Him this year: How and when did you choose me as Your favorite?

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

Hey Jesus - thank you for answering my prayers and sending a man in my life - you gave me exactly as I asked. Cute, black-haired and younger. But for some reason, I still feel unfulfilled. I know I'm going to have to break it off and settle for the homely Jewish boy next door, but should I at least bake him a cake to say no hard feelings?

[Dennis Lukes]

Oh Lord, why in your wisdom did you create Asians?

[MitzaLizalor]

How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]

Sister Mitza, I think I can field this one and save Lord Jesus some time. Gender is a SYNONYM for sex. Whatever else you may have been told by linguists, grammarians, and above all, feminists, is a LIE.


Of course, if the Almighty still wants to weigh in, I'll be waiting with bated breath for the glory of His answer.

[Jesus]

Me F. Me! So few questions and so little Praise for ME!
I'll check again on Memas Night but it could just turn out that I'll be binge watching The Crown Season 4 with Dad instead of answering your puny questions (except Zeke ). For the moment, I'll concentrate on being as fabulous as evah and start planning my Memas Dinner.




YIM,

Jesus

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Sorry Sir. Rumor is that faith in You is at an all time low in the US. It doesn't help that Joe Biden is handing out money to poor people like it's loaves of bread. Disgusting.

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

I have faith.

[Prayer Warrior]

Thank You for once again blessing us with Your holy and divine presence! We are all better for it!

Originally Posted by Jesus

In January 2020, we were busy watching the final season of GoT (again)

Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior

Why did You allow Joe Biden to win the presidency?

Originally Posted by Jesus

Gotta go. Dad's streaming "Cuties" on Netflix.

Originally Posted by Jesus

I'll check again on Memas Night but it could just turn out that I'll be binge watching The Crown Season 4 with Dad instead of answering your puny questions (except Zeke )

It seems You've been preoccupied with streaming and entertainment a lot lately. I was under the impression that these shows were well.. not the most holy of shows to watch.
Why have these entertainment shows taken up such a great deal of Your attention lately?

And if they are acceptable viewing now, what would You recommend?

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

How and when did you choose me as Your favorite?

Zeke

I made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Fear not, O Zeke, my servant, whom I have chosen.

Before I separated the waters above from those below I had decided to make you my sidekick. You are the one who knows the perils of the female cooter almost as well as I do. Not quite as well, though as I am the only person in history who deflowered his own mother. I gave you your dazzling good handsome looks and the skills to guide your Filipino houseboys to your manly bosom. You are my True Love™, baby Zeke and we're gonna have a jolly good time in Heaven.

Such a good question! Blessed be I.

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen

Hey Jesus - thank you for answering my prayers and sending a man in my life - you gave me exactly as I asked. Cute, black-haired and younger. But for some reason, I still feel unfulfilled. I know I'm going to have to break it off and settle for the homely Jewish boy next door, but should I at least bake him a cake to say no hard feelings?

I strongly suggest that whatever cake you bake you won't eat it yourself. BTW, as my future task is to feed all those who gain access to Heaven (see Revelation 7 for details, I wrote it but dunno when Dad talked me into this feeding business for f**k's sake), you have absolutely no chance to get into eternal bliss. No mortal nor immortal being could ever satisfy that appetite and I'm not gonna be feeding you 24/7 for eternity. But think of all that adipose glory gory of yours sizzling on hot lava in Hell.

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Oh Lord, why in your wisdom did you create Asians?

The FOOD, the FOOD! There are some but only some palatable western dishes, caviar, foie gras, freedom fries, a decent burger now and then, but I made the Asians to COOK. Holy shit they can cook. A nice biryani, some chapati bread, dal, Beijing Duck, carved watermelons on a beach in Pattaya while frequenting the bar scene. My Dad they can cook!

Of course, they will still go to Hell to accompany Jen the glutton. They are wicked but I was a-makin' all these things for meself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil. And once they enter Hell, they can continue to provide me with a nice curry now and then. For Dad's sake, I've gotta get some deliveries to feed y'all once this earth is recycled (see Revelation 7, I wrote it etc. etc)..

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]

Please call your friend asap, he with all her confused pronouns will be smitten very very soon because of their stupid questions. Anyways, Of course I created the sinners and they (free will, free will) came up with genders. The genderbenders are wicked and reserved to the day of destruction. They shall be brought forth to the day of wrath. At the moment, I've allowed exactly 1252 genders to appear but there'll be no man nor woman nor Shetland-pony-with-high-heels-enfatuated genders in Satan in Hell. They'll all taste the same in curry paste and ghee.

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Sister Mitza, I think I can field this one and save Lord Jesus some time. Gender is a SYNONYM for sex. Whatever else you may have been told by linguists, grammarians, and above all, feminists, is a LIE.

Of course, if the Almighty still wants to weigh in, I'll be waiting with bated breath for the glory of His answer.

This question is awfully bad formulated, isn't it? Free hint -> Add just a tiny bit lemongrass to your gravy and it'll be purrfect. BTW, I've watched Mandalorian season three and shall be giving spoilers unless the questions become less insane.

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Sorry Sir. Rumor is that faith in You is at an all time low in the US. It doesn't help that Joe Biden is handing out money to poor people like it's loaves of bread. Disgusting.

I'll tell you something that is NOT disgusting. Fetal veal cooked in yoghurt with mint and kaffir lime leaves and coconut cream and served with steaming hot easy peasy pilau rice. If you get your act together, I just might feed you some of that stuff in Heaven (see revelations 7 for details, etc. etc. etc.). Have you watched the Great British Bake Off latest season?

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen

I have faith.

And I have ten fingers. Here's one of them.

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior

Thank You for once again blessing us with Your holy and divine presence! We are all better for it!

It seems You've been preoccupied with streaming and entertainment a lot lately. I was under the impression that these shows were well.. not the most holy of shows to watch.
Why have these entertainment shows taken up such a great deal of Your attention lately?

And if they are acceptable viewing now, what would You recommend?

Gotta keep abreast of the latest sinner antics and is there a better way to do that than watching how their innermost cravings are displayed on pay TV? BTW, guess who did the Holy Ghost Writing for GoT season 8!? That took y'all sinners by surprise and no-on realized that Bran was my alter ego. Still whining about the burning of the Iron Throne (I HATE fucking Iron Chariots and chairs) by Drogon (Dad's alter ego)?

Of course viewing them will be disastrous for the common man. I'm streaming Hawkeye now and tasting some explosively good samosas filled with Samoans or vice versa.

[Jesus]

So it has come to this? I AM now supposed to post my own Birthday wishes? Dafuk? This will lead to some global warming and overpopulation of Hell, capische?!

[Dennis Lukes]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)

[handmaiden]

Oh, Jesus! Have some cake.