[Pastor Ezekiel]

Hold your horses! I'm not gonna give up the only True Way™ to worship my Pal Jesus. No way! But the current pope, the Francis guy, is 84 and will die any day now. There's gonna be the next pope who will continue to spread altarboy sex, Mary worship and islam and evolution just like the current Messican guy.

We can change all that. I studied how the catlicks choose their leader. The cardinals form an electoral college of all the papal states, gather in the sixteenth chapel with their "aides" and vote until someone gets two thirds of the vote. Then they burn white incense and the next pope goes on to give a speech to the idiotic catlick mob.

What if that guy was me?! I found out that ANYONE can be the pope as long as he is a heterosexual male of good standing in the cult. I'm a heterosexual (definitely, the rumors are fake news) male of extremely good standing. Not yet a member of that cult but that can be fixed. We could reach billions of souls to Jesus, destroy the catlick cult from the inside, read all the secret documents of the Vatican and throw our own Father Mo to lifetime imprisonment.

What I need to do?

1. More tithes from you
2. I need to take a cathecist course. The Catholic Education Center, offers online catechist training and I need your help to fill in the exams. I mean, if I was to do them myself, my superior Biblical knowledge would be revealed and that could raise suspicions and no catlick knows the Bible by heart
3. I join the cult as a CHINO (catlick in name only)

I'll also need to do some extra work that is required of the catlick priests. I must mingle with the nuns and study their minges and probably make a few of them pregnant just like every catlick priest. I'll also need to pose in suggestive positions with my houseboys. This is extremely important as no catlick priest ever misses the opportunity to get some private time with houseboysaltar boys. I must also learn some Latin and Eyetalian phrases but that is not a problem for a man who knows not only American but also Jap, Tagalog, Cherokee and body language Veynee veedee veechee as they say!

I also have lots and lots of revealing photos of most of the cardinals and that will ensure their votes for me. As they always strive to ogle their altarboys, I'm also ready to show some skin, all in the service of Jesus. He'll forgive me all this as I'm doing HIS work and I'll pray the inevitable AIDS away!

This does not mean that the 2024 POTUS ticket would be cancelled. On the contrary, having both thrones in our hands would ensure the flow of billions of $ in tithes to assist us in our mission to save tens of souls and finally get me my jet. Ideas?

[WWJDnow]

Pastor Zeke,

I think you'd look great in the Ferrari Popemobile, but I'm not sure our nation will ever elect another Catholic President after the way Biden is screwing things up. COVID relief checks, vaccine distribution plans, listening to scientists, rejoining NATO, not calling the press the enemy of the people--Biden's making a mockery of our country with his ramshackle policies. Plus, do you really want to live in Gandalf's Castle?

Anyway, I think you might want to practice first by making a run at Mormon prophet or Grand Poohbah of Scientology. Those people are so gullible, they'll believe anything as long as you charge them enough for it.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Kuddos to you, Pastor Zeke, for your on-going work to save the world.

Being a politician myself, I see the election by the Cardinals as just another political deal. You have taken good first steps by accumulating "compromising" photos of Cardinals. I'd just suggest another strategic move.

Voters, in this case Cardinals, usually have something they are worried about and look to a political leader to solve. I think Cardinals these days are worried about their vast wealth. Every month there is another settlement with a victim of sexual abuse. Millions of dollars are just walking out the door.

I've heard Cardinals use a lot of profanity when they talk privately with each other. I'd suggest you call each one of them personally, introduce your intention to run for Pope and then add, "Under my rule, not one more eff'in penny for those sinners." They would believe you were sent by God to save their bacon.

[Dennis Lukes]

If only those cardinals had done the right thing centuries ago and made Martin Luther pope, we wouldn't still be dealing with this Catholic nonsense. Since then it's been a demented cavalcade of perverts, lunatics, gangsters, and Nazi sympathizers. As Pastor Ezekiel is clearly none of those things, he will have zero cardinals BUT Jesus on his side. That should be enough (Matthew 19:26). Glory! The world awaits its first Republican, non-Catholic pope!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I need to take a cathecist course. ... I need your help to fill in the exams. ...

Sir, we can definitely help you with that. If they ask you any questions, remember the answer always involves additional tithing and self-recrimination. Classic cult stuff - you'll know all about that from your time with the Japs... hari kiri solly I shame I kirr myserf

So for example if they say "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" you simply re-phrase it to involve some kind of blame on the inferiors and put them on the spot to take the heat. The Pope never takes the heat so everyone will fall in line quickly behind you. (Everything must be done quickly.)

Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Great question! Let's talk about the pin for a moment. The pin is hired specifically to support the dancing angels. If we're talking sheer numbers then I would hope the pin would want to dig deep in the middle of an angelic crisis. We need every pin to really ask themselves can I supply more head? My team is doing everything possible for that. Let's have a round of applause.

Never issue orders (details). Orders can be disobeyed. Instead express sentiment - Make Catholicism Great Again. Let others fail in the details. Last recourse, just pretend to mis-hear. Angels=managers, pin=PhD student, something like that. You'll figure it out.

[3rdClay]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Kuddos to you, Pastor Zeke, for your on-going work to save the world.

Being a politician myself, I see the election by the Cardinals as just another political deal. You have taken good first steps by accumulating "compromising" photos of Cardinals. I'd just suggest another strategic move.

Voters, in this case Cardinals, usually have something they are worried about and look to a political leader to solve. I think Cardinals these days are worried about their vast wealth. Every month there is another settlement with a victim of sexual abuse. Millions of dollars are just walking out the door.

I've heard Cardinals use a lot of profanity when they talk privately with each other. I'd suggest you call each one of them personally, introduce your intention to run for Pope and then add, "Under my rule, not one more eff'in penny for those sinners." They would believe you were sent by God to save their bacon.

looks like you guys are in a close group with Zeke. yet Zeke is too young to be a Pope of either group. what promoted his mind to be a man-made leader? what did Zeke want to achieve as a pope? If it was to expose what the falls of Catholics, what is good to shame other Christians? Oh yes, they believe in Jesus Christ died for their sins too. Although within their church, they are many problems and sins. But does evangelic org like yours have no sins or tons too?
I met several normal Catholics on the street preaching, I tried to share the good things of the Bible and share their blind spots too. But hurt must be avoided and respect must be given to each human being.
Stop bragging, stop scoffing others. None of these is in line with the true teaching of our Savior Jesus Christ.


Zeke, you are not mature in Love. ask and it will be given to you.


in His Love,

[Mary Etheldreda]

You sound gay for Pastor Zeke.

[James Hutchins]

Pastor, that sounds like a terribly insightful idea.

Back in my 'Nam days, we used to get the South gooks to infiltrate the North. Using fresh, 13 YO girls, we'd stuff their 'you-know-what" with LSD. Subvert from within. I do miss my youthful, care free days.

I think you'd be a wonderful Young Pope. I just hope the luxurious trappings of the Vatican do not offend you.

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda

You sound gay for Pastor Zeke.

I did not want to say anything in case it inadvertently upsets the Pastor. But I agree, Mrs. Etheldreda, it sounds like the typical queersexual 'come-on' I hear all the time.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

I am worried that Pastor has spent too much time in the Philippinos. 1 Corinthians 15:33.

[Dana723]

Originally Posted by 3rdClay

looks like you guys are in a close group with Zeke. yet Zeke is too young to be a Pope of either group. what promoted his mind to be a man-made leader? what did Zeke want to achieve as a pope? If it was to expose what the falls of Catholics, what is good to shame other Christians? Oh yes, they believe in Jesus Christ died for their sins too. Although within their church, they are many problems and sins. But does evangelic org like yours have no sins or tons too?
I met several normal Catholics on the street preaching, I tried to share the good things of the Bible and share their blind spots too. But hurt must be avoided and respect must be given to each human being.
Stop bragging, stop scoffing others. None of these is in line with the true teaching of our Savior Jesus Christ.


Zeke, you are not mature in Love. ask and it will be given to you.


in His Love,

You're one of the Hanson brothers? I had a brother Josiah who was gay for them back in the day. He had all their music. Bunch of long haired hippies. I heard that Mmmbop - which I'm sure must of been about gay sex - so many times that I didn't think I'd ever cleanse my mind of the lyrics. My father ended up sending Josiah to some gay camp to beat the gay out of him. Must not have worked because I haven't seen or heard from Josiah since. May you rot in Hell for corrupting my brother.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by WWJDnow

I think you might want to practice first by making a run at Mormon prophet or Grand Poohbah of Scientology. Those people are so gullible, they'll believe anything as long as you charge them enough for it.

This is a useful idea. They bathe in money like old unca Scrooge. Will oust their leaders too.

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

Being a politician myself, I see the election by the Cardinals as just another political deal. You have taken good first steps by accumulating "compromising" photos of Cardinals. I'd just suggest another strategic move.

Voters, in this case Cardinals, usually have something they are worried about and look to a political leader to solve. I think Cardinals these days are worried about their vast wealth. Every month there is another settlement with a victim of sexual abuse. Millions of dollars are just walking out the door.

I've heard Cardinals use a lot of profanity when they talk privately with each other. I'd suggest you call each one of them personally, introduce your intention to run for Pope and then add, "Under my rule, not one more eff'in penny for those sinners." They would believe you were sent by God to save their bacon.

More good ideas. This time, and this time only, Mayor, you may come over and we'll have some Taittinger 1959 from MY wine cellar! Obviously, you'll pay for your dose.

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

Pastor, that sounds like a terribly insightful idea.

I think you'd be a wonderful Young Pope. I just hope the luxurious trappings of the Vatican do not offend you.

You forgot to mention my exceptionally good looks BUT you may still join me and the Mayor for a night of Cosmopolitans. Bring your own crystal.

Anyways, I've been busy studying. I started with the nun-lore of yore. It's fascinating. I found lots and lots of of old VCR films that depict the everyday life of those abbeys (as well as housewives and boyohboy I'm happy my wedding's been postponed) and YOU CANNOT GUESS WHAT TAKES PLACE THERE! Most interesting. I will have to infiltrate those places in disguise to get my hands dirty. Once that is covered, I'll start looking into the altarboy business, again at grassroot level. If there are any good VCR materials that you can recommend about that, you can send them discreetly to Flint Mansion.

I must tell you that there's a lot more to cat lickism than meets the eye.

I also agree that two catlick Presidents in a row could be too much for the God-fearing QAnon public. But. I'll start praying for the Biden guy not to be too obvious a failure and advice him discreetly about Jesus, write some sermons and speeches etc etc and the road will be paved for the combined popecidency/grand vizir of the Mormon cult.

[Dennis Lukes]

The problem with popes nowadays is they live way too long. Pope John Paul George Ringo or whatever his name was sat on the dark throne for 26 years. Darth Benedict XVI hasn't been called home to his punishment yet, so he'd still be pope today if he hadn't quit like a little bitch. And Ber-ugly-o looks like he could go another 20 years at this point. Ah, for the good old days when the so-called sacred, infallible Vicar of Christ got murdered every few years.

[Unfalsifiable]

Pastor Zeke a Catholic? Now I've seen it all.


Can I apply to be the main man at Freehold after you don your dress and shepherd's hook?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

Pastor Zeke a Catholic? Now I've seen it all.

Oh, for Heaven's sake dear, do grow up! Everyone knows that the answer to the question "Is the Pope a Catholic?" is "No."

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Hold your horses! I'm not gonna give up the only True Way™ to worship my Pal Jesus. No way!

THIS was plain 'Merican! Gonna be a CINO. Great plan! Yuge plan! The mayor and even TC women got it. How about the anally-fixed unsaved?

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

Pastor Zeke a Catholic? Now I've seen it all.
Can I apply to be the main man at Freehold after you don your dress and shepherd's hook?

Your comment is falsified! You're just another unsaved too lazy to actually READ the OP. Or too incompetent. Probably both. Who are you anyway? I need to know as once in Heaven I'm gonna go to the lookout spot and ask Jesus specifically to point at you on the hotter side of the Gulf and enjoy watching your torment.

[Unfalsifiable]

I do apologize, I meant to think that, not post it.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

I do apologize, I meant to think that, not post it.

Dear Sinner,

You are ignorant of the Bible. If you had actually studied the KJV you would know that, as sins, thoughts are exactly as bad as actions.

Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Matthew 15:19-20
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are [the things] which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

As you can see, mere thoughts have defiled you. And you actually deliberately meant to think that! Everyone can understand how Pastor Ezekiel's manly demeanor and good looks can lead the thoughts of a vile sinner to sodomistic interludes, but your blatant wanton "meaning to think that way" is very disturbing. I'll try to find the strength to pray for you but you also need to do some heave repenting yourself. Ignorance is common but that's no excuse.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

It's tremendous how certainties are downgraded by popes and Romish priests.

[Uncle Rutherford]

M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel, I read your post thoroughly and saw that spending time with “Altar Boys” is a requirement. No doubt the TC status will protect you from catching the homer disease by spending time with them. I did, however, want to ask if a safer workaround would be to convince some of your Filipino houseboys to join you in the undercover journey to be Pope. Induct them into that Catlick cult and sign them up as altar boys. The color of their skin would make it easy for them too. That way, you’d be spending time with altar boys you can TRUST as opposed to the risk of coming into contact with a homer.