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Reload this Page If you masturbate it means you're gay...
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Titus Templeton's Avatar
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Default If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-17-2015, 10:24 PM

Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 12:23 AM

This is what I keep telling my good-for-nothing nephew but I use more delicate terms. Maybe he needs to hear it spelled out plainly. Perhaps you can stop by one evening and yell this through the door at him next time he spends more than five minutes in the bathroom, or more than ten in the shower. I'm tired of telling him.


Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016

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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 02:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
I've heard that it could be done with fruits, vegetables, fluffy pillows or handheld showers. No hands.


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
I've heard that it could be done with fruits, vegetables, fluffy pillows or handheld showers. No hands.
i had a client used to do it to a couch and made me watch i he ask i told him it still gay
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 03:30 AM


All True Christians know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a homersexural. So just shut up about it and accept the fact that you are going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! "Fantasizing" about the "body parts" of female sluts is never an excuse! Since a boy is touching a male unmentionable member, that makes him HOMERSEXURAL!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 01:53 PM

I have never touched myself in that way.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 08-18-2015, 06:18 PM

I never understood how a man who masturbates can be considered heterosexual. Makes no sense. You mean to tell me that there is one penis in the world you can not only touch but stroke to orgasm and still be straight—and that this is in fact a rite of passage to becoming a normal, masculine man, and the more you think about touching and stroking this penis during your daily life, the more virile, healthy, and manly you are—but doing the exact same thing to any of 3,499,999,999 other, more or less identical penises means you are gay? Sorry, I don't buy that. It flies in the face of all logic. Giving a man a handjob, even if that man is you, is a fundamentally homosexual activity that cannot be performed non-homosexually (unless of course a woman performs it, which is still a gross perversion and a waste of seed). The same goes for female masturbation, but the less said about that, the better.


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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

Call yiur Pastor immediately. The gaywise mentality is such that your brother will no doubt attempt to seduce you.

Get out of the house and do not return unless you are in the company of an adult Christian.

Praying for you both.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

The efficacy of a thorough beating cannot be overlooked.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-01-2015, 03:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
The efficacy of a thorough beating cannot be overlooked.
Temporarily removing the hands' ability to enjoy touch, say through scalding water or near-crushing stone placed on top for many hours helps reinforce one's attention. I remind my children they cannot hold Jesus' hand if they're m***********, and a throbbing hand serves as a constant reminder of who has the right to that hand, and who gets to determine how it is used (Romans 9:21).



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-02-2015, 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonArizona View Post
I'd found out that my brother is masturbating in the living room, and he is now having homosexual tendency, I have repented my homosexual desires, but my brother is rebelling, what shall I do?

Jason you've clearly been traumatized. Would you be so kind as to make an introductory post in the INTRODUCTIONS section of the forum? Tell us about yourself, your family and the Church that your daddy takes you to. Let us welcome you True Christian(m) style.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 01:17 PM

I have been wondering about Micah 2:1, which teaches this:-

Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand.


I see no reference to homosexuality, even though the Lord is talking here about the power of your hand to masturbate. Brothers and sisters, this tells me gay masturbation is a myth. Otherwise, wouldn't the Lord send more earthquakes
? As far as I can tell, masturbators abound whereas earthquakes do not. I feel the Lord may have sent me a delusion here to stop me from seeing the connection between self pleasuring antics and whether or not people are sodomites. I have been searching scripture fruitlessly and require guidance.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 01:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1liesalot View Post
I have been wondering about Micah 2:1, which teaches this:-

Woe to them that devise iniquity, and work evil upon their beds! when the morning is light, they practise it, because it is in the power of their hand.


I see no reference to homosexuality, even though the Lord is talking here about the power of your hand to masturbate. Brothers and sisters, this tells me gay masturbation is a myth. Otherwise, wouldn't the Lord send more earthquakes
? As far as I can tell, masturbators abound whereas earthquakes do not. I feel the Lord may have sent me a delusion here to stop me from seeing the connection between self pleasuring antics and whether or not people are sodomites. I have been searching scripture fruitlessly and require guidance.
If you ply your penile member to tumescence and thence culmination you are proving that you chose to be me turned on by a man's hand than your wife's lower Venusian furrow.

What part of that does not mean you are gay?

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 11-05-2015, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
If you ply your penile member to tumescence and thence culmination you are proving that you chose to be me turned on by a man's hand than your wife's lower Venusian furrow.

What part of that does not mean you are gay?

YIC
Nonewhatever!! Praise be and glory.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-01-2016, 10:27 PM

Well, you thought and talked about masturbation.

You're gonna burn in hell :^)
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-01-2016, 10:34 PM

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Originally Posted by AtheismTheBest View Post
Well, you thought and talked about masturbation.

You're gonna burn in hell :^)
Scripture, or it did not happen.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-02-2016, 12:13 AM

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Originally Posted by AtheismTheBest View Post
Well, you thought and talked about masturbation. You're gonna burn in hell :^)


I think about sinning all the time. I think about how poor losers like you are masturbating like rabbits all over your sticky keyboard. Inhaling the smell of your sinful seed with every breath.

This is the severe suffering I have to endure to earn my entry to Heaven. By thinking about your sins I am figuring out ways to get you to STOP sinning and get you to go to Heaven instead of burning in Hell for all eternity.


5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Jesus Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-02-2016, 01:28 AM

The very last thing I'd ever do is touch a male organ just as I'd never let a man ever touch my organ.
I can only imagine how strange it would be to a male hand grasp it firmly, squeezing it with authority and perhaps pulling on it with the desire to provide an animal like reaction. The very idea that another male with whom I'd have no control over forcibly caused my member to grow fully erect with his turgid stimulation is completely appalling to me. To have him continue to stroke me until ejaculation is something I'll never, ever think about.
The Homersexialistiac Agenda is foreign to me, like Greek boys in a bath. Something I simply cannot fathom.
God has His grip on my soul and in Him, I'll arrive at the Rapture, throbbing in joyous pleasure at His penetration.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: If you masturbate it means you're gay... - 02-07-2016, 06:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton View Post
Wanna know why?

Because when you masturbate, its a MANS hand jacking you off. It doesnt matter that the hand belongs to you, its still a mans hand. Fact is you're getting off at the feeling of a mans callus covered hand touching your dink.
Its gay to masturbate.

Very insightful post Mr.Templeton. I would also like to point out that masturbating doesn't only make you a homosexual. It also makes you a lust filled, adultering, murderer.


I will back up my claims with Holy scripture.


Exodus 20:13 "Thou shalt not kill." Millions of sperm babies are killed every single time you "yank your chain"


Exodus 20:14 "Thou shalt not commit adultery." ANY sexual act aside from sex with your wife for the sole purpose of procreation is adultery!


Most of the time when people defile themselves they lust after another person. Lets see what the Holy Bible has to say about lust shall we!


James 1:15 "Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.


Matthew 5:28 "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath commited adultery with her already in his heart"


After I get married, and have as many children as physically possible (Genesis 1:28) I plan on having my penis removed so as to avoid temptation. Matthew 18:9 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hellfire"
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