Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
It just burns me up when I see wild accusations made about Republican politicians. In October, the fighting conservative freshman Congressman from Florida was rung up for having some white powder in his possession.
White powder!! That could be laundry detergent. Or, if it was cocaine, he might have found it somewhere and was on his way to the Police Department to turn it in.
When he goes to court this week, I'm sure it will turn out to be much todo about nothing.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/...bstance/?clsrd
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Thank you for raising yet another important talking point, Brother Johny. You are absolutely right that it could be laundry detergent. The TSA (which is run by company thanks to a secret privatization program) in fact has a policy of confiscating any crack or cocaine that they find in passenger's luggage. If the passenger is a Republican, we just substitute some harmless laundry detergent, and sell the cocaine to help fund our awesome security operations. We don't bother to tell the air passengers that they now possess only laundry detergent, and they probably won't know the difference until they snort it. Hopefully they won't inject it, but if they do - well, it's just a little collateral damage in the
War on Drugs.
Anyway, this "drugs-to-detergent" policy has a long history. America's greatest president Ronald Reagan used it to finance the
freedom fighters in Nicaragua back in the 1980s. The extra cash we earn from selling confiscated drugs is one of the best ways to pay for our black ops, plus a few extra well-deserved CEO bonuses.
The fact that Republicans aren't charged with a crime is so obviously beneficial to society that it needs no explanation. Ditto for the fact that we
do charge liberals (we do confiscate their drugs and sell them, but only
after the trial and sentencing). Another great benefit of the program is that my company manufactures the laundry detergent (in China) and the government pays us for it - thus, we create jobs for needy Chink prisoners as well as enhancing shareholder value. Plus it actually does a good job of washing clothes, and we're about to launch a new marketing campaign in Mississippi:
Cocaine detergent: "Gets your sheets whiter!"
As for why Rep. Trey Radel was charged with drug possession, it obviously was a mistake. As soon as Trey changes his policies and supports larger tax breaks and bailouts for my company, I'm sure we can get the charges dropped and make a donation to his re-election campaign.
Aside from Drugs-to-Detergent, we are also working on a plan to raise funds by selling photos from those
porno scanners. In the past, the image quality wasn't good enough, but we've made recent advances in the technology. This involves some automatic touching up of the x-rays with Photoshop, plus increasing the radiation dose about 3000-fold, but the results are clearly worth it.
Just wait till you see the "pat-down" photos!
Anyway, just want to let y'all know that this perceived "crackdown" on Republicans using drugs is nothing to worry about. It's just the liberal media making nose, but let me assure you that behind the scenes it's just business as usual.