WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke! |
|
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
|
|
A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
05-17-2008, 04:22 PM
I'm sorry, but I just couldn't bring my self to type Homosexual Weddings in the title thread . . . (recovering from a shiver) . . . Anyway, in order to keep our weddings pure and church approved, we must get this subject out of the way right now. Then we can move on the the fun stuff! YOUR THOUGHTS???
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
|
|
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
|
|
Posts: 22,742
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
05-17-2008, 07:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
I'm sorry, but I just couldn't bring my self to type Homosexual Weddings in the title thread . . . (recovering from a shiver) . . . Anyway, in order to keep our weddings pure and church approved, we must get this subject out of the way right now. Then we can move on the the fun stuff! YOUR THOUGHTS???
|
Well Sister Glendora, I suppose you are starting from the generous and humble proposition that any same-sex marriage is a vile, disgusting, abominable, travesty; a blasphemy of the highest order and a crime against God and that it is so unholy that you are surprised that the catick church isn’t making money out of it?
That said, we must ensure that homers and lezbeans do not soil Landover with their lisping, limp-wristed prancing or, respectively, their ugly fat-chick transvestism, whilst at the same time not offending same such that ACLU would cause us the expense of having to sick our expensive joo lawyers on to them.
I have a thought: First we do not advertise same-sex marriage, this will narrow the intake. Next in distinguishing between Godly, pure and True Christian™ man/woman applicants and these slimy morally bankrupt toads, bent on spreading disease, we must be careful that God does not bless any such festering “coming together”.
To that end I suggest that, as a security measure, we lower prices for “same sex marriages” (my apologies for this evil phrase) by ½% but insist on videoed proof of their perversions so as to qualify for the generous discount.
We will openly admit that all the videos will be placed on YouTube on the grounds that we wish to expose the video to a broad base of experts who can ensure that no trickery has taken place to obtain a cheap wedding and that the video is genuine.
In the few instances where the pornographic-scum applicants actually slither as far as this stage, we will only conduct the “ceremony” through a third party preacher outside of the State of Iowa. Zebulun has a contact in the Garbage Disposal business, a Mr Surprino, and he has a landfill site on the outskirts of Detroit – this would make a suitable setting.
|
|
Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
05-17-2008, 08:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
I'm sorry, but I just couldn't bring my self to type Homosexual Weddings in the title thread . . . (recovering from a shiver) . . . Anyway, in order to keep our weddings pure and church approved, we must get this subject out of the way right now. Then we can move on the the fun stuff! YOUR THOUGHTS???
|
What next, raging mobs of bigots beating people to death in the streets when the mode takes them? That's the kind of America the gays are creating with their disgusting agenda.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
|
|
Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
05-17-2008, 08:33 PM
I'm so grateful that it's only in Californicatia that this has happened. Well, and Masturbachusetts.
The good news is that Godly Californians (there are quite a few, it seems) voted overwhelmingly to ban same-sex marriages with the state law the court struck down, and are now organizing to amend their state constitution!
Californians by and large don't care what Gavin Newsome says; Sacramento is the capital, not San Fransissyco!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 7
Join Date: Jun 2008
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-03-2008, 10:02 PM
Im gay, and im proud... Ye are just jelous ye dont suck lovely ***** like me, yummy
|
|
Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-03-2008, 10:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AubreyO'Connel
Im gay, and im proud... Ye are just jelous ye dont suck lovely ***** like me, yummy
|
That kind of filthy language shouldn't even be ALLOWED anywhere NEAR this forum!
And please, who could possibly be jealous of sucking, well, whatever it is that you enjoy sucking so much, you hell-bound homo!
|
|
Farmer for Christ™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 736
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Corn Belt
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 02:52 AM
I thank the LORD that I live in the Midwest, where the homos are limited to having "commitment ceremonies". I wish it was still the 1950's, when homosexuality was still considered a mental illness. Then we could have proper commitment ceremonies...a celebration of putting homers in the psychiatric hospitals, where they belong!
|
|
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 03:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith
I thank the LORD that I live in the Midwest, where the homos are limited to having "commitment ceremonies". I wish it was still the 1950's, when homosexuality was still considered a mental illness. Then we could have proper commitment ceremonies...a celebration of putting homers in the psychiatric hospitals, where they belong!
|
This reminds me of an idea I had . . . a combination mental hospital for homers and a doily factory! Remember I thought of it first!
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
|
|
Farmer for Christ™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 736
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Corn Belt
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 03:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
This reminds me of an idea I had . . . a combination mental hospital for homers and a doily factory! Remember I thought of it first!
|
Great idea! It's an activity that they can enjoy and engage in in between their electro-shock treatments and group therapy.
|
|
Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 09:21 AM
This kind of thing is even worse than a Nigra Buck marrying a True Christian™ innocent Virgin.
It's there just to mock the Holy Union of a heterosexual white Man and a heterosexual white Woman, and adds to the persecution of Christians everywhere.
Jesus Weeps.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
|
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 02:05 PM
I thin even Satan threw up in his mouth a little bit when these homely faggits got "married".
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-11-2008, 02:16 PM
And to think some sinners still contemplate voting for that Baraaaaaaaack! after he done did this (that's him on the left, as usual)
These demonrats will do anything to get votes, I Swear Jesus:
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-18-2008, 04:24 PM
True Christian™ men may wish to preview this post to determine whether it is suitable for the women and children over whom they have headship.
Since the lezbertarians have booted men out of their lives, they now have to get uppity with one another. Behold the lezbianese Bridezillas!
Quote:
Saying ‘I Do,’ Making History, Planning a Party
HAILE HAYDEN didn’t grow up eating bland chicken breasts and steamed vegetables, so she certainly wasn’t going to feed them to the 120 people coming to her wedding in July.
Ms. Hayden, who is from New Orleans and lives in northern California, plans to serve food that fits her rustic-chic theme. She wants bold dishes that guests can eat standing up. She wants tapas.
“Like appetizers?” the caterer asked her at a recent menu meeting.
“No,” she recalled telling him. “Something more substantial. Tapas.”
“Right,” he said. “Like appetizers.”
Ms. Hayden fumed, at which point the other bride-to-be jumped in. “You don’t know my wife,” said the other half of the couple, Jill Benson. “You have to call them tapas.”
|
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
|
Christ's Battle Axe
|
|
Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 01:31 AM
I'm not aware of a single decent argument for allowing sodomites to "marry." Not one. In the end, it all comes down to the emotionalist appeal of hurrrrrrrrrrrr they love each other! Yeah? A lot of people say they love their cars. Should I be able to divorce Gary and tie the knot with my Lexus IS 200?
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 01:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton
I'm not aware of a single decent argument for allowing sodomites to "marry." Not one. In the end, it all comes down to the emotionalist appeal of hurrrrrrrrrrrr they love each other! Yeah? A lot of people say they love their cars. Should I be able to divorce Gary and tie the knot with my Lexus IS 200?
|
Excellent point, Sister. I don't lightly quote unsaved Hellyweird entertaineresses, but what's love got to do with it?
Exodus 21:7-8: And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.
Deut. 22:28-29: If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
Does anyone imagine that the woman who is bought as merchandise loves her purchaser or that the rape victim loves her rapist? God doesn't care. Their marriages are sacred in God's eyes, and the sacred institution that encompasses those marriages must be protected from homer "marriages."
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
|
Helping boys become upright model citizens
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,293
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Columbus, Ohio
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 04:50 AM
Quite possibly that homer in NYC was married to the homer dog that God dispatched with the street sweeper, which would account for his weeping like campfire girl on international television.
The sin of homosexuality is caused by Satan's influence and demons who push otherwise handsome and strong young men to prance about and to commit the most unspeakable acts against nature itself and against some of God's most explicit injunctions. These demons, with prayer and touch, and can be REBUKED and CAST OUT and gays CAN be turned away from choosing these attractions. The possibility of marriage just encourages them not to make the effort.
Instead, the law should require these young men to come to me or other Godly church members and allow us to get on my knees and pray with them and cast out these devils, thereby winning another soul for God. THAT is socially responsible legislating.
"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
|
|
SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 3,054
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here, right now
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 04:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton
I'm not aware of a single decent argument for allowing sodomites to "marry." Not one. In the end, it all comes down to the emotionalist appeal of hurrrrrrrrrrrr they love each other! Yeah? A lot of people say they love their cars. Should I be able to divorce Gary and tie the knot with my Lexus IS 200?
|
Your Lexus can't enter into a legal agreement. Marriage is for consenting adults.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
|
|
SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 3,054
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here, right now
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 04:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters
Excellent point, Sister. I don't lightly quote unsaved Hellyweird entertaineresses, but what's love got to do with it?
Exodus 21:7-8: And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.
Deut. 22:28-29: If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
Does anyone imagine that the woman who is bought as merchandise loves her purchaser or that the rape victim loves her rapist? God doesn't care. Their marriages are sacred in God's eyes, and the sacred institution that encompasses those marriages must be protected from homer "marriages."
|
If a forcing a woman to live the rest of her life with the man who violated her is sacred to your god, but a loving relationship between adults is vile simply because they have similar anatomy, then your god is not worthy of worship.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
|
|
Unsaved trash
|
|
Posts: 37
Join Date: Jun 2008
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 04:58 PM
I'll be praying for you, Lumpy... You're going down a bad path with this...
Anyways, California is truly the Devil's State. I'm sad to say I live there...
|
|
SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 3,054
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here, right now
|
|
Re: A Comment on Homosexual We__ings -
06-19-2008, 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Converter
I'll be praying for you, Lumpy... You're going down a bad path with this...
Anyways, California is truly the Devil's State. I'm sad to say I live there...
|
Pray all you want - it won't change my mind.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|