WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke! |
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
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Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-14-2008, 01:15 PM
This is a a common folly at many weddings. The bride accidentally throws the bouquet towards a Divorcée or even worse, a lesbian. YOUR THOUGHTS?
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-14-2008, 01:26 PM
The bridal bouquet is supposed to give hope to the youth of the party. Any old spinsters or divorcees (and lesbos) should be sitting in the back and watching.
Hopefully the recipient of the bouquet is inspired by the thought of marriage and should be less likely to go down the path of homoism.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-14-2008, 01:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
This is a a common folly at many weddings. The bride accidentally throws the bouquet towards a Divorcée or even worse, a lesbian. YOUR THOUGHTS?
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The Bride should lace the bouquet with hot cayenne pepper, then purposefully throw it towards the divorcee or lesbian!
Of course no one ever invites these Creatures to a Christian Wedding anyway, but it's good to have one of these bouquets on hand should any of the sad-sacks sneak in the door in an attempt at basking in True Christian Fellowship.
Same goes for messicants, the un$avED, cat-lickers, et al.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-14-2008, 08:33 PM
Without a shadow of a doubt, the new husband should firmly approach the bouquet holder, take it from her and loudly call for silence. He should then denounce the bouquet holder’s folly in a loud, yet well modulated voice. He should rebuke her calmly but firmly and in front of the assembled multitude (giving Bible chapter and verse where necessary) and ask if she thinks that she has been particularly clever.
A divorced woman, or similar, in these circumstances will be grateful to the man for pointing out her impetuous ways and smile and accept the rebuke without question. This will settle any awkwardness or embarrassment that the multitude might have experienced.
The husband should then return the bouquet to his wife and privately rebuke her for her failure to aim the bouquet amongst ELIGIBLE women – a slap to the head or punch to the abdomen should be sufficient – and then instruct her to see that the custom is dealt with properly.
Once the bouquet has been thrown again and caught by a nubile True Christian lady, the matter will be seen to be completely over and the bible readings, quite contemplation and such jollity as quizzes on being a True Christian can continue as if nothing at all has happened.
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Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-14-2008, 08:42 PM
My suggestion is that a few weeks before the big day, the bride and one or two of her more desperate better-looking bridesmaids get together and practice this move, in the same way in which basketball teams practice their plays. It would also help immensely if the intended receipient(s) would wear basketball sneakers discreetly dyed to match their dresses, both for ease of movement and comfort at the crucial moment.
Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.
1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .
A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 52
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Location: Bible belt, USA
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-15-2008, 12:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
This is a a common folly at many weddings. The bride accidentally throws the bouquet towards a Divorcée or even worse, a lesbian. YOUR THOUGHTS?
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This happened to me last summer. It was heartbreaking. I so wanted to catch the bouquet, but instead it went to a TWICE divorced mother of 3 small children
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justina Thyme
My suggestion is that a few weeks before the big day, the bride and one or two of her more desperate better-looking bridesmaids get together and practice this move, in the same way in which basketball teams practice their plays. It would also help immensely if the intended receipient(s) would wear basketball sneakers discreetly dyed to match their dresses, both for ease of movement and comfort at the crucial moment.
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that is a WONDERFUL idea! I second this!
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
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Re: Who Should Catch the Bridal Bouquet? -
06-19-2008, 09:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
Without a shadow of a doubt, the new husband should firmly approach the bouquet holder, take it from her and loudly call for silence. He should then denounce the bouquet holder’s folly in a loud, yet well modulated voice. He should rebuke her calmly but firmly and in front of the assembled multitude (giving Bible chapter and verse where necessary) and ask if she thinks that she has been particularly clever.
A divorced woman, or similar, in these circumstances will be grateful to the man for pointing out her impetuous ways and smile and accept the rebuke without question. This will settle any awkwardness or embarrassment that the multitude might have experienced.
The husband should then return the bouquet to his wife and privately rebuke her for her failure to aim the bouquet amongst ELIGIBLE women – a slap to the head or punch to the abdomen should be sufficient – and then instruct her to see that the custom is dealt with properly.
Once the bouquet has been thrown again and caught by a nubile True Christian lady, the matter will be seen to be completely over and the bible readings, quite contemplation and such jollity as quizzes on being a True Christian can continue as if nothing at all has happened.
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Brother Bathfire, your True Christian™ compassion wins the day again.
I'll be performing a ceremony at my church this very weekend, and will go over your comments with the bride and groom in advance, to be sure that such issues do not arise.
If the groom is unwilling to slap his bride, I'm more than willing to handle the situation for him. Of course, if he's not manly enough to slap her, I may have to step in for other duties as well!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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