[upchucker67]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

Oh, my; how frightfully fascinating that sounds, Mr. Huckster. However, it is very possible that I will be preoccupied with other very important matters and, therefore, unable to view much of your enthralling video series. You see, my sister (Agatha) is painting a scene of my prize-winning hollyhocks, and I thought it would be a better use of my time to watch the paint dry. Have a lovely afternoon, Dear.

That's funny. I asked my wife to record the video for me, but she has to go feed her llama. I didn't know she had one.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Mierra

Preach it, Pastor Zeke! We should double the Sunday services in the next period so we can fit in many extra prayers.

Greetings to you, dear Miss Mierra, and may I extend to you a very cordial We are so terribly pleased that you have found your way to , in our blessed corner of the interwebs.

As is customary with all of our newcomers, we would like it if you would kindly make your way to our friendly Introduction Forum, to post an introductory message to the servants of Almighty, here at . We would so appreciate this, and it would give us an opportunity to get to know you better. You can find that forum page at this link:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=16

And whilst there, please ensure to respond to our requests, which I shall include here:

The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

With great anticipation, I do look forward to seeing your posting. May bless you, Dear.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Please come see me, Pastor Zeke. I might not have much longer.

I wrote everything down in a letter. A deathbed confession. Everything. For your own sake, you might want to come. Be a shame if this letter got into the wrong hands.

Still breathing? Y'know, I have actual duties in Washington with Donnie and the rest of the gang. I prayed for you, personally, used several milliseconds of my time and asked my Pal J.C. to "do with you whatever He feels is best". Maybe it's a ticket to heaven. Maybe you'll live to finally finish the cleansing of the cesspit. As a member of my congregation be assured of your place in Heaven but you might want to know that I can arrange septic tanks in need of scrubbin' to be delivered there, too! There are quite a few odd jobs to be done over the Firmament, for ever and ever and ever.

Hebrews 10:13
From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.

James 2:3
And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool:

My Joo lawyers will be paying a visit to you. Soon.

[Faith_Machine]

My dear, dear friend Ezekiel, I have no recollection of typing those words quoted in your reply!

Perhaps the Filipino in the bed next to mine got a hold of my phone and was having a little fun at our expense?

(I thought I was going to have a private room, but it seems the health plan I purchased through the church would not authorize that)

PLEASE forgive me for this unfortunate misunderstanding, my dear, beloved pastor.

How I long to hear your soothing voice and gaze upon your godly visage just one last time.

[upchucker67]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

My dear, dear friend Ezekiel, I have no recollection of typing those words quoted in your reply!

Perhaps the Filipino in the bed next to mine got a hold of my phone and was having a little fun at our expense?

(I thought I was going to have a private room, but it seems the health plan I purchased through the church would not authorize that)

PLEASE forgive me for this unfortunate misunderstanding, my dear, beloved pastor.

How I long to hear your soothing voice and gaze upon your godly visage just one last time.

Your wish will come true if he makes you his footstool and commands you to look up.

[LW1997 (On Moderation)]

I also need to believe we need to man up. It is a must. If big events are cancelled, like soccer, well, than that ain't that much of a big loss, who cares. But the fact that people won't go out any less (as if they hadn't prefered to stay inside already) is just shattering. If just everybody knew what I do, that this virus is a fraud, then this world would look different. But that's how it goes. Repeat a lie as often as you can, and it will eventually become true.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

My dear, dear friend Ezekiel, I have no recollection of typing those words quoted in your reply!

Perhaps the Filipino in the bed next to mine got a hold of my phone and was having a little fun at our expense?

(I thought I was going to have a private room, but it seems the health plan I purchased through the church would not authorize that)

PLEASE forgive me for this unfortunate misunderstanding, my dear, beloved pastor.

How I long to hear your soothing voice and gaze upon your godly visage just one last time.

My photo (a mightily handsome one) is right there in my signature. And the septic tank ain't gonna scrub itself!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by LW1997

I also need to believe we need to man up. It is a must. If big events are cancelled, like soccer, well, than that ain't that much of a big loss, who cares. But the fact that people won't go out any less (as if they hadn't prefered to stay inside already) is just shattering. If just everybody knew what I do, that this virus is a fraud, then this world would look different. But that's how it goes. Repeat a lie as often as you can, and it will eventually become true.

The corona ain't no fraud! It was designed by Jesus to rid the world of tedious spammers who flood His Favorite Forum with endless but useless posts.

[Faith_Machine]

too...

i am too weak to scrub tank


won't be long now, i don't think

[Johny Joe Hold]

Faith has not posted for several hours so it might be wise to move on here.

I want to remind you of something concerning our pastors. It is about the money President Trump will soon be sending us.

Each member of Landover Baptist must tithe from the money he receives. The tithe needs to be sent to Pastor Zeke. There are those in our country who are made worse off by all the closures. Our Pastors cannot be made to suffer from these shortfalls. They did not cause Coronavirus and must not be penalized for China's failures.

[tkwhite]

I have a question for the True Christians™ in here (sinners, don't bother responding), I have been hearing talk and I found it very disheartening......A lot of the so called pastors here in America have turned to using video as a means of spreading their feel-good messages as a substitute for regular church services. they are using the Covid-19 as an excuse for doing this. Does anyone care to comment?

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by tkwhite

I have a question for the True Christians™ in here (sinners, don't bother responding), I have been hearing talk and I found it very disheartening......A lot of the so called pastors here in America have turned to using video as a means of spreading their feel-good messages as a substitute for regular church services. they are using the Covid-19 as an excuse for doing this. Does anyone care to comment?

Oh, my, yes, dear Mr. White; of course, this is such a matter of concern. This is no time for anybody to shirk their responsibilities unto the Ministry of the beloved . I am sure that some of our members will be more than happy to verify this.

And, what a blessing it is for you to have found at -- just in time! Why, what else would you have done, since your own church in Hoover, Alabama is now resorting to online services?

"We hope you enjoyed worshiping with the GV family online yesterday! We look forward to being back together in the future; however, we will be gathering online only the next two Sundays, March 22 & 29 at 10:30 a.m. In addition, there will be no on-campus meetings or events until further notice. To read the full Green Valley Update from Pastor Jeff, visit https://gvbc.org/covid19/"

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9z0W7Zhox3/

https://gvbc.org/covid19/

[tkwhite]

Miss White,

You're exactly right! It's a slap in Jesus' face that fake churches would vacate Jesus' house like this. I have to question where it says in the KJV 1611 Bible that you can congregate via the internet for Church services? I didn't think so. It's a sad shame that internet has corrupted these fake preachers. When I found out that services would still be held despite all that has gone on, It's interesting how something like this can make people show their true colors. God Bless LBC for doing the right thing!

[Dennis Lukes]

If those damn Chiners had bothered to go to church in the first place instead of worshipping some morbidly obese statue, they wouldn't be in this mess. I'll be praying that the body count over there increases exponentially and that this encourages the survivors to repent of their heathen ways. If all 1 billion Chinamen perish save for one, and that one gives himself over to Christ, it will all have been worth it.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I'm amazed at some of the famous preachers who are closing up their megachurches over this little illness. Now, Joel Osteen of the Lakewood Church has folded to liberal pressure.

Atheists and liberals want churches closed. They do not want the truth of the gospel heralded from pulpits across the country. That is why Pastor Zeke will not back down. If a few old people in the church go down because of the virus it is a small price to pay for saving thousands of souls.

https://www.christiantoday.com/artic...eak/134436.htm

[tkwhite]

I agree Mr. Hold. Which is why I wanted to come here to begin with. I know of Pastor Zeke's no nonsense reputation and I think if we had more pastors like him, I believe in my heart that this sinful world would be better off. no cherry picking scripture or anything like that. I love good old fashion tell it like it is preaching. To Mr. Lukes I couldn't agree more. Blessings on both of you for your insights!

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

I'm amazed at some of the famous preachers who are closing up their megachurches over this little illness. Now, Joel Osteen of the Lakewood Church has folded to liberal pressure.

Atheists and liberals want churches closed. They do not want the truth of the gospel heralded from pulpits across the country. That is why Pastor Zeke will not back down. If a few old people in the church go down because of the virus it is a small price to pay for saving thousands of souls.

https://www.christiantoday.com/artic...eak/134436.htm

Amen, dear Brother Mayor Hold -- Amen!! And I do thank you for standing so firmly in your convictions here. Truly, we can give thanks to Almighty for your mighty leadership as Mayor.

Thankfully, not all of the preachers of the Gospel of the are shutting down the churches. I am encouraged that people are reminded of the importance of their devotion to the work of the , such as Brother Copeland who reminds his congregation of the great need of continuing their tithing. And I do hope that we will all be sure to do our best to keep the tithes and love offerings coming to in a very timely fashion. And to goes much

https://deadstate.org/televangelist-...to-the-church/

“Hey, your job is not your source,’ Copeland said. “If it is, you’re in trouble. Jesus is your source.”
“Whatever you do right now, don’t you stop tithing. Don’t you stop sowing offerings,” he said, adding that even if churches close down, people should “email it in there, text give or something.”
“You get your tithe in that church if you have to go take it down there and stick in under the door or something,” he continued. “You get that tithe in that church, you get that offering in that church, and then you go home and do what you’re supposed to do.”

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by tkwhite

… using video as a means of spreading their feel-good messages … using the Covid-19 as an excuse for doing this …

Yes, I think they are. Many of them will change their message to exploit this opportunity. Here at Landover our message remains the same, just as Jesus remains the same.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

The Bible has a very clear message which we acknowledge. Christians accept what God has revealed through Scripture; those who do not can not really be considered Christians at all, whatever they call themselves. This is an open forum where anyone can read The Truth but I noticed in sister White's link:

Originally Posted by Isabella White

https://gvbc.org/covid19/

I do not use any form of social media. Anything I have to say can be said openly which is the whole point of our forum here and even if there is a need to make the Good News about Jesus known more broadly that's no reason to actually hang out there. For the "students" referred to above, social media would seem to be compulsory.

[its_faith]

A true Christian does not fear the virus for God only gives pestilence to the wicked! If he gives it to a true Christian then its ascension time!

[MitzaLizalor]

God is very straightforward on this. Upon request each and every ailment will be healed. The question of why a Christian became ill in the first place has always puzzled me though. First of all in Mark's Gospel we have the words of Jesus:

Mark 16
9a -When Jesus was risen early the first day of the week.…
14a He appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat
14b And upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart.…
15a And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world
15b Preach the gospel to every creature.
16a He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved
16b He that believeth not shall be damned.
17a And these signs shall follow them that believe.…
18c They shall lay hands on the sick
18d And they shall recover.

Pretty unambiguous. James has a specific message for Christians, meaning for people who accept that Jesus was a real person, did the things He did (as reported in The Bible) made the promises He made (again recorded in The Bible) and empowers us through The Holy Spirit pending His return.

James 5
13a Is any among you afflicted? let him pray.
13b Is any merry? let him sing psalms.
14a Is any sick among you?
14b Let him call for the elders of the church
14c And let them pray over him
14d Anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
15a And the prayer of faith shall save the sick
15b And the Lord shall raise him up
15c And if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

Again, unmistakeable what God is telling us here. Now there may be a need in certain minds for reinterpreting words to have special meanings. In this case they would suggest that "the prayer of faith shall save the sick and the Lord shall raise him up" is a special magic type of healing where you don't get better. They could go on to say (because you don't get better) in this case saving the sick and being raised up refers to being turned into a Christian and being raised up to Heaven. Their timeline would look like this:

AS you can see, for such an interpretation to be true, two afflicted persons one having access to Elders and the other not would share a disease history right up to and including death. The addition of Elders, prayer and oil would have no effect until after the death experience. That is plainly ridiculous. Another ploy would be to claim a special magic sick that we no longer have a word for. Anticipating this sort of thing God included two words here, afflicted and sick. God is not telling us that He might heal us if He feels like it or that He'll only heal things from which you'd recover anyway.

Such weaselly attempts to alter The Bible's meaning are very easily refuted. Firstly, in verse 13, James is clearly addressing Christians. He is not describing magic oil that turns one into a Christian and enables ascent into Heaven. Christians are in that category already. Secondly, James is describing what to do if you get sick so that you will get better. The timeline is not at all complicated. [1] GET SICK [2] CALL ELDERS FOR PRAYER & OIL [3] RECOVER. He is not using special magic words no-one knows the meaning of, why would he? God's message is important and written in language everyone can understand, so that it will be understood.

The Bible is our only record of Jesus Christ, the words He said, the promises He made, the life He lived. Healing is a major part of the Christian message. To say He got it wrong raises all sorts of other questions.
.i). How could He get it wrong? He created everything.
. ii). Was He lying? Why would He do that?
. .iii). Could His words have been altered by someone?
. . iv). If the record is false on this topic, how can it be trusted on others?
. . . v). If you think the record is false, what reason do you have to think Jesus ever lived at all?
. . . .vi). If that's where you stand on The Bible, why would you call yourself a Christian?
Six is enough. If you can't trust Jesus to know what He was talking about or accept the record we have of His life, I don't know why you'd bother singing His praises. Christians accept Jesus is real and accept that The Bible is true. It's teachings are easy to understand EXCEPT for those who want to pretend it says what in fact it does not say.

Malachi 4
2a But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise
2b With healing in his wings
2c And ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.