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Default How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-14-2023, 12:25 AM

The web is full of Christian helpers giving advice to local churches and their preachers. The title of the one below is "Seven Ways to Grow Your Church in 2023." There is a paywall for the article. I did not pay because everyone of us at LBC knows exactly how to build an even bigger Landover Baptist. We have a full house every Sunday but we need to think about an even bigger sanctuary and parking lot because our enemy, Satan, is always sniffing around trying to find followers.

I can tell you without you having to pay what most of the "seven ways to grow your church" are. The article will say, "Invite new members to coffee," "have a club for every kind of new member, singles, seniors, teens, etc.," "note every new member's birthday and see that they get phone calls and cards", "have a program to visit elderly shut ins," etc. I could go on.

The key to growing every church, including LBC, is for the preacher, in our case Pastor Zeke, to stand before the congregation every Sunday and condemn sin and sinners. The pastor must cover the details of a gruesome eternity in the lake of fire.

We lay people must pick up the baton from Pastor Zeke and, like him, condemn sin wherever we find it. There is plenty of it around.

God Bless us all as we charge into 2023 with renewed energy.

7 best practices to help you reach and grow disciples. - Pushpay





Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-14-2023, 12:57 PM

A time when Satan’s legions possess the hearts of so many is a time when the Christian realizes the magnitude of the task that Jesus set for us. We have to know what the people want, and tell them that Jesus supplies all their needs. We need to explain that what they haven’t got – health, wealth,happiness and a Republican Congressman – is denied to them only because they,in some way have denied Jesus.

It must be made clear that although God smites people with inflictions and disasters, He does this only in a kindly way in order to advertise His Greatness (John:9:3). Taking this on board, it is unlikely that He would use an actual Christian as an advert – it would all be a little pointless to cure someone of being dead and then smite him with a rash. And after all, Jesus and the Disciples were never poor, ill, unhappy, or represented by a Demoncrat.

The problem is “instantaneous gratification”. Jesus did that for the 5,000 when He fed them, for that man beset by demons, and that woman who couldn’t stop bleeding, etc, etc.

I suggest a “Lucky Ticket” in each church attendance. Pastor Zeke can then announce three numbers, and the would-be winners will be invited down to complete for the prize by testing them to see if they are Christian enough to deserve the prize. A sort of “game-show”that’s not a “game-show” because eternal life is not a game, but incredibly real.

Oh, I forgot to mention… That’s the prize… Eternal Life.

Surely this cannot fail?





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Jesus Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-15-2023, 01:42 AM

I agree. Parishioners need to give more. Every dollar not in the hands of God are used to masturbate the Devil.
Everyone needs to stop being selfish in this Holiest of times and think about the less fortunate. I know our beloved Pastor Ezekiel Flint receives just $5,000.00 a year in salary. While some of his other expenses are covered though access to the Discretionary Fund© it is not a bottomless pit. It needs to be filled with donations.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-16-2023, 07:09 AM

Most Christian churches focus their recruitment on down-on-their luck losers until their whole church has become Loserville. I'm all for growing our church, but only if we maintain our standards. At the very least this means only morally upstanding, white families where the man meets our minimum income standards.


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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-16-2023, 03:26 PM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Most Christian churches focus their recruitment on down-on-their luck losers until their whole church has become Loserville. I'm all for growing our church, but only if we maintain our standards. At the very least this means only morally upstanding, white families where the man meets our minimum income standards.
I'm with you, Brother Dnow. We don't want church trash. A lot of churches advertise, "Lonely? Come to our church and find friends."
These places deserve their busted budgets and falling numbers.

Romans 2:6 tell us God rewards those who work for their money. God rewards those who do well with membership in Landover Baptist Church.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-17-2023, 10:11 PM

At some point we will have to drop the charade and force people to join the Church. It's not optional - we know that, they know that - so let's stop being so nice. We've got the Supreme Court, Congress and the 2024 Presidency is almost guaranteed thanks to a few adjustments in swing states.

I think the way we grow is to aggressively go after converts, door to door and street by street. The Christian theocracy we've craved for so many years is almost upon us and now is not the time to go weak - feel the power, yield to temptation, whatever it takes - the Lord is coming fast.


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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-18-2023, 09:56 PM

I think Pat Boone needs to come back and give another speech to drive donations! It really helped when he did it in '98. As long as we tell him we will tolerate NONE of that biker business.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-18-2023, 11:56 PM

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Originally Posted by ChristKev View Post
I think Pat Boone needs to come back and give another speech to drive donations!
I could not agree more. We need some fresh blood!


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-19-2023, 02:46 AM

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I could not agree more. We need some fresh blood!
The blood of patriots and tyrants particularly welcome.


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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-19-2023, 03:20 AM

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Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
The blood of patriots and tyrants particularly welcome.
I believe singer Anita Bryant is available for a concert series. She would generate excitement among young people. God Bless her for her lifelong advocacy of heterosexual relationships.




Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-19-2023, 12:47 PM

Ho about adopting the fastest growing religion i.e. Catholicism?
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-20-2023, 07:11 AM

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Ho about adopting the fastest growing religion i.e. Catholicism?
How about you Catholics converting to Christianity so you won't burn in Hell? Anyway, we're not joining any religion that's run by a bunch of homos who wear dresses.


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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-23-2023, 10:19 AM

So many interesting points. Clothing options in some places are very relaxed and many folks simply will not attend anything with a dress code.

Example from the "Laguna Life" newspaper (Southern California)
Name:  Laguna Beach Chapel 1916.jpeg
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The words I've highlighted combined with the location exemplify what happens when Christian values are not applied. Imaging standing there singing a hymn from a modernist hymnbook accompanied by Pastor on a mandolin, dripping wet but slowly drying off, shaking your head to get the salt out or sand or whatever you'd got in your hair "on the beach" prior to attending the service? Who will be standing behind you? What will you see before you? Where will you go later on? Back to the beach. And now that everyone's on the same page, wouldn't it all be more of an "ice breaker" than a worship service?

On the dreadful Laguna beach, with its many secluded nooks, activities very unlikely to increase Church attendance will ensue. And since 1916 how has SoCal fared in this respect? Congregations may grow in the short term but eventually it's chakra workshops and crystal dungeons with even less restrictive dress codes.
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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-23-2023, 03:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post

On the dreadful Laguna beach, with its many secluded nooks, activities very unlikely to increase Church attendance will ensue. And since 1916 how has SoCal fared in this respect?
During the past 100 years, Laguna Beach has become a homer mecca. That's what that preacher got from lower the dress code in his church to almost nothing. We at LBC do not need homers to grow our membership.

LGBTQ+ Travel & Things To Do In Laguna Beach | Visit Laguna Beach


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Default Re: How Can We Grow Landover Baptist Church in 2023 - 01-23-2023, 11:34 PM

Coming to church from the beach while barely dressed is the real theme of the 2011 movie, Soul Surfer. The movie is intended as one of those "soft sells" on the value of Christianity because it shows a girl reclaim her surfing nerves after being maimed by a shark.

The girl and her family are church-goers and the story-tellers want us to believe that Jesus got the girl "back out there" on the waves because, apparently, that why He suffered and died on the Cross. I'm not sure that Hell is even mentioned in this movie. But we do see a nubile young woman in a bathing suit.

Sometimes the people broadcasting their Christian testimonies are the worst ever adverts for Christ.


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