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Spiritual Mother of LBC
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:10 AM
Folks, I am very disturbed by the American Heart Associations attempts to disguise SEX as CPR. For those of you who doubt me (usually Hell-bound anyway) just take a look at the following:
Remove clothing to bare chest (including women).
Find the area between the nipples and perform compressions at the rate of 100 thrusts per minute (this is the same rate as sexual intercourse).
Place your mouth over (unconscious rape victim's) mouth and deliver two breaths.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Muttonheaded homer -- very confused young man On the point of being banned for lying and libel
Foul Sinner on Moderation
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Posts: 317
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:21 AM
lol
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
Remove clothing to bare chest (including women).
Find the area between the nipples and perform compressions at the rate of 100 thrusts per minute (this is the same rate as sexual intercourse).
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Not if it's a christian couple, it isn't. *snicker*
Quote:
Place your mouth over (unconscious rape victim's) mouth and deliver two breaths.
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CPR has saved many lives. Many, many lives. Sex, pleasant as it may be, does not save lives.
And CPR is not pleasuarble for either party in question (unless they're really perverted)
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
True Christian™
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Posts: 989
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Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Momma Glynndie
Find the area between the nipples and perform compressions at the rate of 100 thrusts per minute (this is the same rate as sexual intercourse).
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Mrs.Momma Glynndie, can that nawtiness make a lady pregnint? cuz i not want to get knocked-up wiv no liddle cpr basterd!
Quote:
Place your mouth over (unconscious rape victim's) mouth and deliver two breaths.
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that be nothin but a mockerys of when lord God createds Mr.Adam!
And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. <--- that be genesis 2:7
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
CPR has saved many lives. Many, many lives. Sex, pleasant as it may be, does not save lives.
And CPR is not pleasuarble for either party in question (unless they're really perverted)
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All sex is perverted, Ms. Van Humperdinkle! Sex is sick stuff for sick people. Only pro-creation is acceptable in the eyes of God and our church, which you seem to be spending lots of time at???
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
All sex is perverted, Ms. Van Humperdinkle! Sex is sick stuff for sick people.
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CPR is NOT sex! Look up sex in the dictionary! It involves certain insertations into certain areas which is not present during CPR.
What is wrong with CPR?
Are you saying that if you were on a beach dying after having fallen in and swallowed lots of seawater, and it was a choice between death and having someone give you CPR and save your life, you'd rather die?
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Only pro-creation is acceptable in the eyes of God and our church, which you seem to be spending lots of time at???
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I seem to have gotten lost on the way to the 'libertarians forum' Very confusing, this new-fangled 'internet' business
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petal
Mrs.Momma Glynndie, can that nawtiness make a lady pregnint? cuz i not want to get knocked-up wiv no liddle cpr basterd!
that be nothin but a mockerys of when lord God createds Mr.Adam!
And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. <--- that be genesis 2:7
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Precious Petal, Mother Glynndie is so sorry your pure liddle soul has been exposed to this horrible stuff. But I seem to remember if you don't let an eel go into your cave . . . or was it if you keep your gun in your holster? Anyway, I'm sure Jesus will help answer your questions. CARING MOTHER GLYNNDIE
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Are you saying that if you were on a beach dying after having fallen in and swallowed lots of seawater, and it was a choice between death and having someone give you CPR and save your life, you'd rather die?
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Yes, I would be extremely angry if some sex crazed pervert assaulted me and interrupted my trip to Heaven. Only a heathen or false Christian would be afraid of death.
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 02:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
Yes, I would be extremely angry if some sex crazed pervert assaulted me and interrupted my trip to Heaven. Only a heathen or false Christian would be afraid of death.
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I don't fear death, but I'm no hurry to end life either.
What about your family? You wouldn't care that Elmer would be left without a wife, and Skeeter (that's his name isn't it?) without a mother? The fact is, many lives have been saved by CPR.
And sex by definition involves a certain act which does not occur in CPR. Why, if CPR was sex than by your logic, hugging could be sex!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 03:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
I don't fear death, but I'm no hurry to end life either.
What about your family? You wouldn't care that Elmer would be left without a wife, and Skeeter (that's his name isn't it?) without a mother? The fact is, many lives have been saved by CPR.
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You should know the answer by now. HE is in control, not us. And HE will take care of my husband and son. And I cant wait to be in HIS arms!
Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 04:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
You should know the answer by now. HE is in control, not us. And HE will take care of my husband and son. And I cant wait to be in HIS arms!
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Bah, you'd rather just die than have someone save your life?
And once more, how can you call something sex when there is no insertation of a man's you-know-what into a woman's you know what (or what homosexual men do, or when straight couples do that same thing) unless there is any insertation of that kind, it is NOT sex! Case closed!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 05:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Bah, you'd rather just die than have someone save your life?
And once more, how can you call something sex when there is no insertation of a man's you-know-what into a woman's you know what (or what homosexual men do, or when straight couples do that same thing) unless there is any insertation of that kind, it is NOT sex! Case closed!
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That's exactly what President Clinton said! Well, actually he said "I did not have sex with that woman". He was just playing her sax and she was playing his flute. No sex involved. BAH!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 06:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
That's exactly what President Clinton said! Well, actually he said "I did not have sex with that woman". He was just playing her sax and she was playing his flute. No sex involved. BAH!
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Pastor Al, I deeply regret it has come to this but I feel obliged to post from Dictionary.com (don't worry, I will edit for your tender baptist eyes)
Quote:
Main Entry: sexual intercourse
Function: noun
1 : heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the cooter by the choo-choo : COITUS
2 : intercourse involving genital contact between individuals other than penetration of the cooter by the choo-choo.
sexual intercourse
n : the act of sexual procreation between a man and a woman; the man's choo-choo is inserted into the woman's cooter and excited until seed is drawn forth.
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LOL....there. There's the definition, and edited to words suitable for your tender baptist eyes.
See?
Notice how CPR isn't mentioned, or anything like the actions mentioned above?
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Night Hag
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,231
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Location: Enzed
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 06:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson
Folks, I am very disturbed by the American Heart Associations attempts to disguise SEX as CPR. For those of you who doubt me (usually Hell-bound anyway) just take a look at the following:
Remove clothing to bare chest (including women).
Find the area between the nipples and perform compressions at the rate of 100 thrusts per minute (this is the same rate as sexual intercourse).
Place your mouth over (unconscious rape victim's) mouth and deliver two breaths.
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Just wondering Glendora...if by chance you happened to meet your favourite angel (the one in that stunning pic) & you just happened to have heart palpitations - a distinct possibility,obviously - are you saying that you WOULDN'T want him to perform CPR on your inert,helpless form?
In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 06:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Notice how CPR isn't mentioned, or anything like the actions mentioned above?
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OF COURSE IT ISN't MENTIONED! That definition was written by DEMONCRAT homers to get Slick Willie Clinton off the hook, which they did.
Naturally, to a wicker like yourself or Lilith, giving a total stranger a buzzer isn't sex at all, it's just a friendly how-do-you-do, and pass the mayonnaise, please!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 06:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
OF COURSE IT ISN't MENTIONED! That definition was written by DEMONCRAT homers to get Slick Willie Clinton off the hook, which they did.
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But that definition would have been there a long time before....if you go on the site they cite medical sources. The fact is those are the definitions of sex. CPR is no more sexual than giving someone a hug! A hug can be MORE sexual!
Quote:
Naturally, to a wicker like yourself or Lilith, giving a total stranger a buzzer isn't sex at all, it's just a friendly how-do-you-do, and pass the mayonnaise, please!
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PASS THE MAYONNAISE??? LOL.....I've heard it called many things, but never that!
And besides, everyone knows the term is 'special sauce'....not mayonnaise...
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 07:26 AM
I jst re-read the definition you posted.
2 : intercourse involving genital contact between individuals other than penetration of the cooter by the choo-choo.
If she is lip-locked onto him, it's sex!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 10:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
I jst re-read the definition you posted.
2 : intercourse involving genital contact between individuals other than penetration of the cooter by the choo-choo.
If she is lip-locked onto him, it's sex!
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But........no.....dangit....you may just be right.
You're still wrong about the CPR thing though.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 10:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
But........no.....dangit....you may just be right.
You're still wrong about the CPR thing though.
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I didn't discuss CPR. That was Glendora. And I am NEVER wrong.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! -
10-25-2006, 10:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
I didn't discuss CPR. That was Glendora. And I am NEVER wrong.
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Right or wrong, regards the CPR thing, am I wrong there? No genital contact...therefore....cannot be thought of as sex, can it?
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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