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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-15-2011, 01:06 AM

Great thread, praise Jesus

I was just wondering how do I get my wife to have my sandwich ready when I get home from work, and not start making it when I pull in the driveway (I'm very impatient). I tried beating her repeatedly and even put her in the hospital once or twice (my 'Jesus' hand is very strong) but she still hasn't learned...

any tips from the women of landover?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-15-2011, 01:09 AM

@Jacobfromlost Perhaps you should buy a clock for her!


I Jesus!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-15-2011, 01:14 AM

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Originally Posted by Felicity View Post
@Jacobfromlost Perhaps you should buy a clock for her!
Great advice, praise Jesus, however we have many clocks in our home. Perhaps she is just a slow learner..sigh

I have another question. It says 'unsaved trash' and 'under investigation' under my user name, how do I change this?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-15-2011, 01:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacobfromlost View Post
Great advice, praise Jesus, however we have many clocks in our home. Perhaps she is just a slow learner..sigh

I have another question. It says 'unsaved trash' and 'under investigation' under my user name, how do I change this?
Start witnessing for Jesus Christ! Small steps, my friend.


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-15-2011, 06:36 AM

If she were smart she'd prepare lots of them several days in advance and then all she would have to do is pull one out of the fridge, unwrap it, stick an olive on a tooth pick, insert it into the top of the sammy and then set it on a plate with chips, cottage cheese and a pickle. What's so hard about that?

Then again she may enjoy making them with your daughter to show her how to cook when she grows up.



Talk to your wife and tell her how lazy she is becoming and how unbecoming that is to Christ. Once should be enough. If you have to tell her again it's time to make it sting.

Good luck Brother. Your lunch should be on the table and ready for you by time you get home. If it is not, she is a whore.




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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-23-2011, 06:20 PM

My fiance tells me that these are excellent tips! I shall keep these in mind so that I may please him in every way possible.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-24-2011, 05:31 PM

TIP

leaving dried bits of food on dirty dishes, not sweeping under the bed, not dusting thoughouly or leaving a ring around his collar can lead to demon infestation!

Quote:
JESUS said in Matthew 12:43, "When the unclean spirit (demon) is gone OUT of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none."
12:44 JESUS still talking - "Then he saith, I will return INTO my HOUSE from whence I came OUT; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished." For a demon to come OUT, it had to be IN. JESUS also said that the demons consider YOU their HOUSE. They may have lived there for many years, and do not like to get evicted. This story is repeated in Luke 11:24-26
You don't want to be responsible for sending your family to HELL by inviting them into your house because you were lazy do you?




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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-24-2011, 07:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
TIP

leaving dried bits of food on dirty dishes, not sweeping under the bed, not dusting thoughouly or leaving a ring around his collar can lead to demon infestation!



You don't want to be responsible for sending your family to HELL by inviting them into your house because you were lazy do you?
Sister you have that right!
When you wash dishes and have some "dried on" food on them, just wiping your dish rag over the dish does not remove it all. You must use some elbow grease, and may even require a "scrub pad" of some kind to remove it all.
Well, some demons are the same way. Just saying "come out in the name of JESUS" does not always insure a "clean plate". The demon may be "dried on" for some reason like being involved in witchcraft, holding unforgiveness, etc. This requires the "scrub pad" of the Holy Spirit, and maybe prayer and fasting, and a lot of time. We spent four hours of constant Spiritual Warfare on ONE demon before it left!
JESUS said in Matthew 12:43, "When the unclean spirit (demon) is gone OUT of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none."
12:44 JESUS still talking - "Then he saith, I will return INTO my HOUSE from whence I came OUT; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished." For a demon to come OUT, it had to be IN. JESUS also said that the demons consider YOU their HOUSE. They may have lived there for many years, and do not like to get evicted. This story is repeated in Luke 11:24-26. This is even King James Version! Don't give up the fight. Press on!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-24-2011, 10:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
TIP

leaving dried bits of food on dirty dishes, not sweeping under the bed, not dusting thoughouly or leaving a ring around his collar can lead to demon infestation!



You don't want to be responsible for sending your family to HELL by inviting them into your house because you were lazy do you?

I will have to be more careful then. I surely do not want to be responsible for that! Thank you for that very good tip Sister Daisy!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-24-2011, 10:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
TIP

leaving dried bits of food on dirty dishes, not sweeping under the bed, not dusting thoughouly or leaving a ring around his collar can lead to demon infestation!



You don't want to be responsible for sending your family to HELL by inviting them into your house because you were lazy do you?
AMEN SISTER!

I have this quote on my bathroom mirror and read it every morning and night.

Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

To me it means that I should clean my house like it was Jesus himself coming home and I should cook like I was going to serve Jesus the meal. Although, I will admit to skimping a bit when Seth is on the road, me and the boys can eat macaroni and cut up sausages once a week, it saves on the food budget.


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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-26-2011, 09:28 PM

I am surprised that "Do not speak unless spoken to." has not made this list of "tips".
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 01-30-2011, 06:29 PM

It is imperative that one never be "too tired" for anything.

It's when you slow down that they think about trading you in for a newer model, so keep a song in your heart (if you sing it out loud it might annoy him), a bounce in your step, and an EverReady attitude flashing from your eyes.

9 hours of sleep a night helps. Also, Oil of Olay is an excellent moisturizer.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-10-2011, 04:30 AM

28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself
Does this mean anything?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-10-2011, 04:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by renaldude View Post
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself
Does this mean anything?
No, it doesn't. Did you get that out of the Kooran?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-10-2011, 06:52 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
No, it doesn't. Did you get that out of the Kooran?
Nope, just from a site i was directed to by the introduce yourself forum here.
Ephesians 5:23-32; John 3:6 (King James Version)

look familure yet?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-11-2011, 05:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by renaldude View Post
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself
Does this mean anything?
Quote:
Originally Posted by renaldude View Post
Nope, just from a site i was directed to by the introduce yourself forum here.
Ephesians 5:23-32; John 3:6 (King James Version)

look familure yet?
Next time, pay attention to detail.

Quote:
Deuteronomy 4:2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.

Matthew 4:4 Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-12-2011, 01:40 AM

Oh dear, I've been using orange juice from concentrate all this time. I guess that makes me whore. I feel so dirty.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-12-2011, 01:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by missmolly View Post
Oh dear, I've been using orange juice from concentrate all this time. I guess that makes me whore. I feel so dirty.

Not so much a whore, but a lazy woman that would serve her Christian husband mediocre slop, instead of putting some effort into the relationship.

A bag of oranges is relatively cheap. If you love him, you would fresh-squeeze.

In Jesus


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-12-2011, 02:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
Not so much a whore, but a lazy woman that would serve her Christian husband mediocre slop, instead of putting some effort into the relationship.

A bag of oranges is relatively cheap. If you love him, you would fresh-squeeze.

In Jesus

I fresh squeeze orange juice and Lemonade as well. I also used to make my children's baby food as well. I never bought the orange juice lemonade or baby food from stores, I always believed it had demons in it and I wasn't bringing that in my house.


Judge not, Lest ye be Judged.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for True Christian Wives - 03-12-2011, 03:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelClark View Post
I fresh squeeze orange juice and Lemonade as well. I also used to make my children's baby food as well. I never bought the orange juice lemonade or baby food from stores, I always believed it had demons in it and I wasn't bringing that in my house.
Praise God, Sister!

He tells us that what we eat should be fresh from the field. Not concentrated, frozen or tampered with, as the joo is likely to do in order to gyp the Christian out of a dollar at every turn.

Genesis 1:29 "And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat."

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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