[Nobar King]

Dear Brothers;

Yesterday I had some trees removed from my estate. They weren't giving me any privacy, and had become too large to manage. One was too close to one of my walls.

One of the trees was a black acacia (Shittim), a member of the Koa family, and a prized hardwood. It is a Holy wood, as the Ark was made out of it:

Exodus 25


10 And they shall make an ark of shittim wood: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.
11 And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, within and without shalt thou overlay it, and shalt make upon it a crown of gold round about.
12 And thou shalt cast four rings of gold for it, and put them in the four corners thereof; and two rings shall be in the one side of it, and two rings in the other side of it.
13 And thou shalt make staves of shittim wood, and overlay them with gold.
14 And thou shalt put the staves into the rings by the sides of the ark, that the ark may be borne with them.
15 The staves shall be in the rings of the ark: they shall not be taken from it.
16 And thou shalt put into the ark the testimony which I shall give thee.

The tree was 2' in diameter, and the heart wood is 60% of that.

I felt bad about having all that holy wood destroyed, so I saved some pieces, either to use for firewood, or to offer to any members to use as wood for carving or some other project. I'm sure that a good woodworker would be able to make something special from this wood.


This is a picture of what I have left. Please PM me if you are interested.

Brother Nobar

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I was looking at those logs and thought to myself, Ex:25:23: Thou shalt also make a table of shittim wood: two cubits shall be the length thereof, and a cubit the breadth thereof, and a cubit and a half the height thereof.

If you just slice them up and stick legs on them, you will have instant tables as per the Lord's DIY manual.

[VictoryOS]

I wouldn't mind having a holy shittim table for my living room. Brother Nobar, if you make some tables, would you mind sending one along to me?

[Nobar King]

I'm not making any tables. I might roll one of the rounds over into my garden for a seat, but that's it.

I just wanted to offer them to any of the good members here. Someone might have a use for them.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

I'm on my way Brother! Shittim is a very durable wood, it would make wonderful "grin wipers" for dealing with undesirables! Since my Suburban is in Fresno, I'll have to borrow someone's truck.

Wait a tick, Pastor Peter's is bringing three dressed out hogs over for the Praise-O-Que at my new "digs" this weekend! I'll let him take my rental Focus and I'll have his truck! Is Monday good for you? This will work out perfectly!

The wood looks great! With the small pieces, maybe I could make a small replica Ark for the Landover Sunday School classes. We could drain one of the pools at the rec center, build a nice replica of a biblical village, and then flood it, leaving only the Ark floating amongst the debris of God's loving wrath! Praise indeed! Contact me by PM and we can set up the details! Glory!

[Jimmy-Roy Stewart]

I might could get church members a good deal on some gopher wood once we take down a tree from a clients' yard ill' let you know by the way brother portway id' loan you my truck but you totally dont' want to try and drive it lol.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I have it on good authority that the Colorado Rockies, God's favorite baseball team, have all of their bats made out of shittim.

[Nobar King]

Brother Aaron, I received your PM. I'm glad that someone is going to put some of this wood to good use. I'll be in all day Monday, and I'll send you a map to help you find my house. Google maps is messed up and it thinks I live a block away, so don't trust them.

[Ebenezer Wright]

You are lucky Brother Portway, shittim is a fine wood!

Brother Nobar you are a generous man giving away free shittim. I only wish I had read this earlier.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway

Wait a tick, Pastor Peter's is bringing three dressed out hogs over for the Praise-O-Que at my new "digs" this weekend! I'll let him take my rental Focus and I'll have his truck! Is Monday good for you? This will work out perfectly!

If it's all the same to you, do you mind if I have my wife drive over separately in one of our Hummers, so that I'll still have my own wheels while you use the truck? Oh, and please don't be like a certain other church member who shall remain nameless (but you know who you are ) and leave candy wrappers in the truck.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

If it's all the same to you, do you mind if I have my wife drive over separately in one of our Hummers, so that I'll still have my own wheels while you use the truck? Oh, and please don't be like a certain other church member who shall remain nameless (but you know who you are ) and leave candy wrappers in the truck.

No problem Pastor! That Focus is a bit spartan for your tastes I imagine. And those rental cars all have that same smell, not a very Godly smell either!

I'll fill it up with gas too. Will $200.00 fill up one of the tanks in your truck?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Brother Nobar, that's quite a heap of holy shittim you've got there!

Perhaps it could be ground up and used as food in the re-education camps after Palin/McCain wins in November? Those Obama supporters are already full of pulp, so I doubt they'd notice the difference . . . but this being holy shittim, it might help them to become re-educated as Saved© True Christians™!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

I lve Holy wood! It's so much harder than regular wood.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Solomon Healey was giving away shittim for the holidays last year. He came by and dropped a big log on my doorstep Christmas morning—I almost fainted with delight!

[Nobar King]

You're going to need a lot of it to keep your house warm this winter. I don't expect heating oil prices to go down much.

[Wide-Open]

I wonder if one could make a bear cage with it? Might solve some problems. Not that anyone here has a bear I suppose. (Don't believe the rumours! )

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Wide-Open

I wonder if one could make a bear cage with it? Might solve some problems. Not that anyone here has a bear I suppose. (Don't believe the rumours! )

No, you need titanium steel bars for something like that. Bears are strong, really strong.

Not that I know from first hand experience. I'm just saying.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

I picked up the Shittim from Brother Nobar's estate! He took some pictures and I'm sure he will post them when he has time, he's very busy keeping an eye on the Mexicants that are working on his property.

If you've had Mexicants working for you, you will know that it's a full time job making sure they don't siesta all day or poop in your yard!

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Holy shittim! I'd love some...but unfortunately, I'm not in Freehold. Maybe one day after I'm a True Christian™, of course, I'll move there. I wouldn't make it through security until I'm promoted though. See you and your boys then, Bobby-Joe!

[Nobar King]

Brother Aaron came over on Monday to get his wood. He was kind enough to bring me some already-cut firewood in exchange.

Moving the rounds of shittim was fairly easy; we rolled them from the back pasture to the front driveway with little effort. Getting them into the truck was more difficult. Both of us were needed to get the wood into the truck.

Brother Aaron took five pieces total. I offered him a beer afterward, but he said he needed to get going to finish more work.