Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Promise Enforcers - Men Only!
Reload this Page Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant
Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Elmer G. White's Avatar
Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus' eternal love Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 10-02-2019, 03:19 AM

Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - A Case Study.
Elmer G. White
Landover University, Department of Creation Science
Peer-reviewed by Prayer and God


Previously, our own impeccable community has determined that male masturbation is gay sex due to the inescapable fact that the hand giving the satisfaction to the copulatory organ is that of a man (Leviticus 18:22). I present here an important exception to this general rule based on the experiences of a good friend, a Godly man and a relatively good preacher, who wishes to remain anonymous, as he frequents these discussion boards and does not wish to raise too much envy (Job 5:2).

This anonymous man, one of our own, was spreading the gospel in the South American (Messican) with his obedient wife (who took care of the catering) jungles when they were attacked by a group of local savages armed with machetes. After the resulting mayhem and a lot of efficient prayers, the life of the man was saved, as Jesus still had plans for him. However, his wife perished after a well-landed precise strike of the weapons, and the man suffered serious injuries, the worst of which was that his right hand was amputated.



But he had lots of preaching to do, blessings to give and sermons to write. And he was - similar to all God-fearing men, right-handed. What to do?

Fortunately the mission had a gasoline-driven generator and a portable fridge to cool their refreshments. So the man preserved some crucial body parts of his wife, while the savages apparently consumed the hand that had given blessings and healings and invited more heathens to Jesus than the number of fingers of that hand had been.

To cut the story short, the man had wisely married a woman of the same blood type to avoid marriage across racial boundaries (Deuteronomy 7:3). Thus, the deceased wife was the perfect donor for a hand transplant. After a quick Prayer with Jesus informing that, indeed, in this rare case he should trust the doctors, the man received the hand of his wife and was, once again, able to do the Lord's Work in an efficient manner. Praise Jesus who let his wife to die in the hands of the savages to give this man a new hand!



Philippians 4:5
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

Revelation 5:7
And he came and took the book out of the right hand of him that sat upon the throne.




Now, Brethren, a man needs release but only within the Godly heterosexual marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18). I am happy to tell you that this man has become an avid masturbator. He gets release at least once a day, even more often in-between his sermons. And IT IS NOT SIN. The hand he is using is a hand of a WOMAN. It is NOT homosexual. Furthermore, it is the hand of HIS WIFE! It is NOT adultery (Leviticus 20:10). You might raise the objection that the seed is spilled (Genesis 38:9), but it is NOT. Praise Jesus! In fact, the convulsions of this man during the phase of release are so weak that the spurts only travel a very short distance and most of the discharge lands on his wife's hand that is just performing her marital duties. (I know that it is complicated.) By the Grace and Miracle of Jesus, it is possible that the touching of his seed on his wife's now transplanted hand may lead into the miracle of pregnancy and birth, and I am proud to say that this man is trying this most vigorously.

And as the sense of touch in the transplanted hand will remain feeble, he fulfills the promise of Jesus!

Matthew 6:3
But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:


Conclusions: Masturbation includes marital duties performed with a transplanted arm and in this case it is WITHOUT SIN. Jesus sees all this and smiles approvingly and enjoys to watch how one of His chosen ones continues to do His work even after this unfortunate incident. God IS Great!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Kyrre Eliasen Kyrre Eliasen is offline
Unsaved trash
 

LDS Fool Incel Swiss Skull

 
Posts: 51
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Åmli
Kyrre Eliasen is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 10-02-2019, 01:27 PM

Hallelujah.I wish all the savages the best.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
AntiToxic AntiToxic is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation

Incel

 
Posts: 7
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: In my home, with my husband and baby
AntiToxic is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Love Jesus Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 04-11-2020, 09:56 PM

How would a pregnancy in the hand transplant work?

It is clearly explained in the Holy Bible that it is a woman of child bearing age that is able to become pregnant. The pregnancy happens in the womb according to Genesis 25:24 and John 16:21.That is the case even if the mother-to-be is carrying multiples (twins and triplets, rare but possible).


Women are the ones that have the bodily structure to breastfeed and nurse babies. Ruth 4:16 and Thessalonians 2:7




My conclusion from these bible verses is that masturbation with your hand or another, still leads to wasted seed. It is stated clearly in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and Leviticus 15:16-17.


In fact someone who is caught masturbating (because they are unable to stop their desires) should be castaway according to 1 Corinthians 9:27.

Amen.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Elmer G. White's Avatar
Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Rebuke Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 04-12-2020, 05:18 AM

A while ago, based on a LOT of Prayer and my Life-Long Study of the Good Book I published the aforementioned Study in Creation Science. It had a pivotal point, as follows:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
By the Grace and Miracle of Jesus, it is possible that the touching of his seed on his wife's now transplanted hand may lead into the miracle of pregnancy and birth
Now. an incel has usurped the thread and - unfortunately - I have to pause my Prayer duties to reply.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AntiToxic View Post
How would a pregnancy in the hand transplant work?

It is clearly explained in the Holy Bible that it is a woman of child bearing age that is able to become pregnant. The pregnancy happens in the womb according to Genesis 25:24 and John 16:21.That is the case even if the mother-to-be is carrying multiples (twins and triplets, rare but possible).

Women are the ones that have the bodily structure to breastfeed and nurse babies. Ruth 4:16 and Thessalonians 2:7

My conclusion from these bible verses is that masturbation with your hand or another, still leads to wasted seed. It is stated clearly in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and Leviticus 15:16-17.
In fact someone who is caught masturbating (because they are unable to stop their desires) should be castaway according to 1 Corinthians 9:27.

Amen.
Dear Incel Person,

The verses you cite refer to Sinners. However, the person I referred to in my more educated and Godly post was not a Sinner but a True Christian™ man. Becoming a True Christian™ means that you are re-born in Christ. What does that entail?

1 John 3:9
Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

As you have unnatural interest in semen, I am afraid that I must mention here that the "seed" in the verse above refers to God's seed and not the emissions of the "whosoever". Thus, whatever a True Christian™ does, it is compatible with what Jesus wants. The act does not determine its Immaculate nature, the doer of the act decides. In addition, I mentioned that Jesus can do anything. Why do you deny that? We must be weeping in desperation when He reads the lines you writ.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Scared Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 04-13-2020, 03:56 PM

I have to admit, I am a bit uncomfortable with this subject on many levels.

First, the idea of masturbation bothers me and I get worked up. The mere idea of a hand firmly grasping a turgid male member, stroking it over and over and over until an eruption of Man Seed™ occurs is a thought I cannot shake.
Certainly if a man touches a member, it is absolutely homersexualistic interaction. Unless it is accidental as could easily occur in a locker room or say in a pool or mens room.
If though the abomination of medical mutilation, a man has another mans hand attached, it is pure perversion. Does the man whose hand was used have any say in what acts of degradation his body is going to be used for? If it is a woman's hand, is he also going to have to ask her to marry him? What kind of a sicko wants to marry a dead person. They are worthless after a week or so, unless you keep them well chilled.
Honestly, if it were not for the firm Hand of God holding me tightly, I'd be beside myself.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
William afton William afton is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 3
Join Date: Jul 2020
William afton is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 07-02-2020, 12:30 AM

I hope I am not dearly causing a unfortunate feeling into anyone here regarding this dandy subject we have hear but I think hands!
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Brother Gonzalez's Avatar
Brother Gonzalez Brother Gonzalez is offline
Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz"
True Christian™
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Christian Love Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture Trump of GOD Hands Off Landover Mission to The Mexican Realms Mission to Messico Flat Earth True Christian™ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Donald Trump 2016! Babysitter Outreach preacher Touched by Jesus Ex-Mary Worshipper 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Hatchet Child Rearing Award Alternative Facts Kirk Cameron Fan Club Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Righteousness Mower Crown of Life Probing for Jesus The Gonz GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Polling for Christ Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 2,111
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ungodly South America
Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Gonzalez will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Sinless Masturbation after Hand Transplant - 07-02-2020, 11:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by William afton View Post
I hope I am not dearly causing a unfortunate feeling into anyone here regarding this dandy subject we have hear but I think hands!
LAW AND ORDER!


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved