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Default HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 03:26 AM

Friends,

I'm looking to book a Honeymood pretty soon, and I was wondering where to go.

Obviously my good lady expects me to book some exotic destination. 'Exotic' being the key-word she keeps on using. I think she imagines some far-off island, filled with palm trees, and doesn't think of the potential draw backs. (ie. some rastafarian dread-locked negra trying to force us to smoke weed and 'get high')

But can anyone recommend somewhere that isn't filled with homersexuals, dykes, queers, freaks, weirdos, commies, qypies, losers, voodoo-worshipping darkies, mudslimes, joos, cattylicks, rastafarians, drug-addicts, fat people, and other general low-life trash?

Thanks in advance.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 03:42 AM

Dr. Kent Hovind's world famous "Dinosaur Adventure Land" would be my first choice. Good Christian fun and Biblically sound education all in one theme park! How could you go wrong?

As an added bonus, the price of admission includes financial support for Dr. Hovind's defense fund.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 03:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother_Percy View Post
Friends,

I'm looking to book a Honeymood pretty soon, and I was wondering where to go.

Thanks in advance.
I recommend Christ of the Ozarks...

Christ of the Ozarks statue is a monumental sculpture of Jesus located near Eureka Springs, Arkansas, atop Magnetic Mountain. It was erected in 1966 by Gerald L. K. Smith, a Depression-era religious and political figure who briefly led the Share Our Wealth movement initiated by Huey Long. The statue is a popular tourist attraction, but remains controversial with local residents due to Smith's association with white supremacist and antisemitic organizations throughout his career.

But do be careful in Eureka Springs, I've heard rumors that there's a homosexual underground there. Antique stores, Bed and Breakfasts, and public restrooms are perfect places for homers to hide out. It might be best to travel by RV, that way you won't have to use a public restroom or sleep in any strange beds. HELPFUL MOTHER GLENDORA

PS Godly Wal-Mart headquarters is in nearby Bentonville.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 04:16 AM

God's Square Mile--Ocean Grove, NJ

Probablly the only shore destination that meets your criteria! Here is the event schedule for July-you can fill your mornings and nights with a variety of Christian activities and enjoy the beach in between!

http://www.ogcma.org/pages/Calendar_...atus=published


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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 05:38 AM

Doesn't everyone go to Niagra Falls?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 09:28 AM

What could be more romantic than a weekend together in your new home... AND a brand new Cruise Craft Outsider 625?



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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-20-2008, 10:36 AM

If your wife fancies a bit of adventure, I'd recommend Zioni Inc. Travels.

They organise a full week trip to the West Bank, where you can throw stones at the passing Palestinians all day long from within a secured compound (you can throw them at the Joos too, and just claim you have a lousy aim ). Excursions are: building your own settlement in Gaza (can get a bit hairy), a reconstruction of Moses' travels (by SUV, and with a GPS, so it doesn't take 40 years), and a giant farewell BBQ at Gethsemane.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 06:10 AM

Why not take a Christian Mission Cruise to the Bahamas?

You can learn to witness to all sorts of folks!

Young, Impressionable Schoolchildren!
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School Ministry (Over 3500 decisions for Christ through this part last year)

You will be trained to be a counselor in one of the schools on the island. We will take music, drama, schools supplies, and the Gospel into the schools on the island. Please feel free to bring school supplies for the schools. We need people in willing to pray and minister with the children who make decisions for Christ and confirm those decisions so that we can begin the follow up process with local churches. If your church has a group who does drama, has a choir, or any other creative way of ministering, we want to invite you to audition the first night on the ship for an opportunity to minister in one of the schools. To register for this, please e-mail Matthew@praisefestministries.com

IN ADDITION – We are working with Dr. Tony Evans and the National Adopt a School Program. It is our goal to have every Bahamian school adopted by one Bahamian church and one U.S. Church. We will have information available.
Homeless People!

Quote:
Street Witnessing Ministry (Led by the Great News Network)


You will learn from the best in the business on how to share your faith out in the streets of Nassau. Darrel Rundus and his team will teach you the Way of the Master techniques. You will get materials and training from this organization on how to share the Gospel the way that Jesus did. This will be some great training and information to bring back and incorporate at your home church.


Prisoners!

Quote:
Prison Ministry (Led by former wrestlers - 70 were saved in the prison last year)

We need a limited number of people to join former wrestlers ministering in the prisons in Nassau. This option is reserved for pastors, and people who are more experienced in counseling.
And all sorts of others desperate for the least glimmer of hope!

Quote:
Prayer Ministry

You be trained and grouped together to go throughout Nassau and pray over people for the needs and concerns in their lives.

YOU and your new spouse can bring that hope to all these lost sheep! Catch them while they're down, and turn them around!

Get a tan and take a dip in the ocean between soul-savings!

Don't forget to reward yourself with the Grand Buffet later!


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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 07:41 AM

I'd recommend Chaiten, Chile. With that volcano erupting, you'll have no problem showing your blushing bride her fate if she's not submissive.

You might check with our resident vulcanologist Dr. Santiago Solo



Judges 15:16
And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 12:59 PM

You can spend "quality time" with Gog at the Oasis Resort.
http://www.oasisretreatsvg.com/

I hesitate to recommend this one, which is a Christian camp in California
http://www.alhatti.com/index.php?section_url=1

From the looks of the home page, it caters to gangbangers and you risk being carjacked in the parking lot.


"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
If your wife fancies a bit of adventure, I'd recommend Zioni Inc. Travels.

They organise a full week trip to the West Bank, where you can throw stones at the passing Palestinians all day long from within a secured compound (you can throw them at the Joos too, and just claim you have a lousy aim ). Excursions are: building your own settlement in Gaza (can get a bit hairy), a reconstruction of Moses' travels (by SUV, and with a GPS, so it doesn't take 40 years), and a giant farewell BBQ at Gethsemane.
That sounds wonderful Brother WO!!! I hope Pastor Zeke takes me there when we go on our honeymoon!




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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 02:01 PM

I help you hoping Sister.

PS: Not that it's any of my business, but did you guys set a date yet?


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
That sounds wonderful Brother WO!!! I hope Pastor Zeke takes me there when we go on our honeymoon!

If he hasn't married you by now, he's not going to.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 02:47 PM

Does Landover have a travel ministry? The Religious Travel Association thinks all churches should. Purely to help them find communion with Jesus, of course.

http://www.religioustravelassociatio...elministry.htm

In Moscow, I am thinking of organizing a Christian youth weekend in St. Petersburg for straight young men and teenagers. None of those pesky Orthodox Christians will be admitted, but only those truly devoted to the Bible and to Christ's love. I will ask the RTA if they can offer tips.

(I will be screening out the infirm, though. The last time I hosted a potluck dinner in my apartment, one young Muscovite came with a broken arm and could barely feed himself. This gave me no chance to organize my sermon as I was busy tossing his salad, etc. I won't make that mistake again!)


"Come Unto Me. Put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath." (Matthew 19:14, Job 1:11).
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 03:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
If he hasn't married you by now, he's not going to.
I could say the same about you and Old Man Hatchet, but it doesn't seem to stop you throwing yourself at him every chance you get, you vile, contemptible whore.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 03:50 PM

Roma is the only answer one need consider when looking into a perfect honeymoon location. The food is superb, the richness in history and architecture is unrivaled and, as the crowning glory, one can take time to enjoy the word of God in his holiest of places... The Vatican!

Come to Roma and see for yourself how the first followers of Jesus went from being persecuted and publicly brutalised by the heathen Romans to become the most powerful Church ever. The sheer scope and scale of the struggle for Christianity is evident even to the unsophisticated eye of Mid-west Americans.

Admittedly, there are no velvet 'paintings' of Elvis and Dale Earnhrdt playing poker with dalmatians but we do have bucket-loads of Caravaggio, Leonardo and pretty well anyone else worth their canvas. Where else can you walk the piazzas and enjoy both fantastic cuisine, local artisans and Bernini fountains as well as Ravi's little gem over by The Spanish Steps?

There is but one answer... the point to which all roads lead... the center of God's own Church... Roma.


Do come and visit. Ask for Father Mo at any of the better Basilicas... you won't be disappointed and it may save your soul.




Bless you, my curious corn-husker,
Father Mo







.


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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 04:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
If he hasn't married you by now, he's not going to.
If one considers the country wisdom of not buying the cow when the milk is free, it is easy to imagine how fitting this pithy saying is when applied to the charms of Miss Thumper.




Bless you, my prescient pugilist,
Father Mo







.


A Cardinal in the making.

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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 04:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
I could say the same about you and Old Man Hatchet, but it doesn't seem to stop you throwing yourself at him every chance you get, you vile, contemptible whore.

I have nothing to say that would be of any interest to Old Man Hatchet or anyone else.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
Roma is the only answer one need consider when looking into a perfect honeymoon location. (remaining papist twaddle deleted)
Thanks for chiming in. Who wouldn't want the opinion of a dress-wearing, unmarried Romanist priest on such matters? But then, maybe you've gone to Commiefornicatia and "married" your favorite altar boy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
If one considers the country wisdom of not buying the cow when the milk is free....
Oops, my bad. I guess you and your favorite altar boy haven't tied the knot after all.


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Default Re: HONEYMOON DESTINATION IDEAS?? - 06-26-2008, 07:26 PM

KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!
 

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