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Default Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 01:21 AM

THIS kind of idol-worship makes Jesus and I sick. The Bible doesn't say to bow down to cheap, stuffed dolls of a Mary-worshiper!

Quote:
Pope Mania Sweeps The Philippines Ahead Of Francis' Visit

MANILA, Philippines (AP) -- Well before Pope Francis' plane touches down in this Asian bastion of the Roman Catholic faith, Filipinos have been snapping their selfies beside his life-sized cutout image in churches and malls. His face beams from welcome posters, shirts, cookies, coins, stamps, coffee mugs and all imaginable mementoes.


There's even "Pope Francis, the Musical," in which the pontiff is portrayed singing a little One Direction.

Filipinos have welcomed popes with rock-star intensity since 1970; the late John Paul II visited twice. Pope Francis' Jan. 15-19 trip, following his ongoing Sri Lanka visit, promises to be as big or bigger, in part because the country has many painful reasons to look for hope.
Which brings me to my main point: Why hasn't anyone in my congregation come up with this idea? It's marketing genius! We obviously need some increased tithing unless we can start thinking outside the box, like those papists do. Any decent joo ad executive would JUMP at the chance to mass produce "Pastor Ezekiel Action Figures!"

Think about it.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 02:03 AM

They already exist!





Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 02:52 AM

You're a tramp and a whore! Pastor Flint looks nothing like that.


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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 08:20 PM

A Pastor Ezekiel talking action figure would be a great thing.
We just need to figure out what it is saying.
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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 10:33 PM

If Pastor Zeke had a doll it would look like this:

(Only he would have a KJV Bible in his other hand. )




Then you could be like !

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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-19-2015, 10:39 PM

My husband, Mr. Whitford, thinks a Pastor Zeke action figure is a great idea. He's also thinking about the possibility of a life-sized Pastor Zeke doll that people can use in conjunction with recordings of your sermons to use at home. Right now he can't decide what's better, a realistic doll or an inflatable one that be carried around when he's on business trips. He's going to give you a call about it, and will get his R&D department on the case immediately.


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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-29-2015, 03:35 AM

Pope Francis says that he doesn't believe atheists will go to hell.

The word of God says in John 3:18 that he who believeth not is condemned already.

Ergo, Pope Francis does not believe the Bible is the word of God.
Ergo, Pope Francis, and all Catholics, are heretics and not truly Christians.
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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 01-29-2015, 04:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeaconofTruth View Post
Pope Francis says that he doesn't believe atheists will go to hell.

The word of God says in John 3:18 that he who believeth not is condemned already.

Ergo, Pope Francis does not believe the Bible is the word of God.
Ergo, Pope Francis, and all Catholics, are heretics and not truly Christians.

Yes, friend; those Romans are the same who hung sweet Jesus from the cross up on Golgotha. Them and the Jews; they did it. Still, these many years later, they still rejoice in their triumph. They bear effigies of Jesus on the cross as a symbol of their hatred. They pray to statues and the bones of saints, in defiance of God's laws. They call themselves Christian to mock Jesus. Yea, truly, they are worshippers of false gods and they are not Christians.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 02-07-2015, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
My husband, Mr. Whitford, thinks a Pastor Zeke action figure is a great idea. He's also thinking about the possibility of a life-sized Pastor Zeke doll that people can use in conjunction with recordings of your sermons to use at home. Right now he can't decide what's better, a realistic doll or an inflatable one that be carried around when he's on business trips. He's going to give you a call about it, and will get his R&D department on the case immediately.
Let's do both! I would love to mount a life-size Pastor Zeke on the wall next to the poster-sized photos I've made of Jesus and a couple other of my LBC brethren (and sistren). And, the inflatable version would be a great consolation as I sit in some barren hotel room, reading my KJV Bible and longing for the companionship of another TrueChristian.


Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 02-08-2015, 07:04 AM

Dolls are a bit gay, though. Can't we call them action figures?


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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 09-17-2022, 12:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Dolls are a bit gay, though. Can't we call them action figures?
There is NOTHING wrong with being gay!




Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 09-17-2022, 01:00 AM

I'd buy a Pastor Zeke Funko Pop.

Series 1 would be holding out a collection plate, ofc.


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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 09-17-2022, 01:01 AM

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Originally Posted by Dutch Girl View Post
There is NOTHING wrong with being gay!
Yeah, that's why God tells us to love and accept homosexuals... oh, wait. No he doesn't. He tells us to kill them on the spot and send them to Hell for Him so He can get started on the eternity of torture. Not a fan of the gays, God.


Other than that, I guess it's ok. Well, monkeypox.


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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 09-17-2022, 02:23 AM

I sometimes like to mix and match my paper doll books.





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Default Re: Pope Gets a Doll, Why Don't I? - 09-17-2022, 02:18 PM

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Originally Posted by Dutch Girl View Post

[psychobabble]
The answer is Jesus. You must have so many questions; feel free to contact one of The Pastors for information about Salvation and he'll explain about God and how much He loves us.

Perhaps under the circumstances, it would be better not to contact the deaconess.
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