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Default Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 01:51 PM

I read about a pastor who became angry with his flock because they did not provide him with a gift of a Movado watch. The best ones run about $1,300.

A pastor asking for this kind of a gift is not out of line if he is delivering souls for Jesus. This fellow told his flock they could give up some meals at McDonalds to come up with the $1,300. That seems like a reasonable sacrifice when Jesus is involved. He went on to say his members were sorry losers for not coming up with the money.

This is not an issue here at Landover Baptist. Pastor Zeke probably has a drawer full of Movados. I think, however, members of smaller churches should dig deep for a Movado if their pastor wants one.

Pastor apologizes for calling congregation ‘broke' | Church & Ministries News (christianpost.com)


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 02:58 PM

Dear Johny Joe Hold,

I am surprised there are people considering giving their Pastors a watch for only $1,300. To me that sounds like directly insulting Jesus Christ. As, until the rapture, it is not possible to buy a watch for Jesus; the watch bought for a pastor should reflect a watch one would buy for Jesus. Something decent like a Rolex 2013 Cosmograph Daytona Rainbow. Not a "Movado" as apparently everyone thinks they can make a watch nowadays.

A true believer would not go cheap on Jesus so Pastor Carlton Funderburke's congregation will most likely all burn in Hell.

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 03:13 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. View Post
Dear Johny Joe Hold,

I am surprised there are people considering giving their Pastors a watch for only $1,300. To me that sounds like directly insulting Jesus Christ. As, until the rapture, it is not possible to buy a watch for Jesus; the watch bought for a pastor should reflect a watch one would buy for Jesus. Something decent like a Rolex 2013 Cosmograph Daytona Rainbow. Not a "Movado" as apparently everyone thinks they can make a watch nowadays.
A true believer would not go cheap on Jesus so Pastor Carlton Funderburke's congregation will most likely all burn in Hell.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
Thank you for point that out, Pastor Manning. Without a doubt church members giving their pastor a watch costing almost $600,000 shows more love for Jesus than the dirt cheap $1,300 model. I hope that congregation sees the light.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 07:38 PM

How can anyone take a pastor who wears a cheap watch like a Movado seriously? If you want to save souls, you need to show the vile sinners that being Saved has its rewards, in this life as well as in the next. If you're going to wear a Movado when you preach, you might as well wear a Mickey Mouse watch. (And no, I'm not actually recommending wearing a depiction of a homosexual rodent on your wrist.)

Yes, Pasor Zeke does have a drawer full of Movados. That's the watch his young, Filipino pool boys wear, provided they service his needs to his satisfaction. But the good Pastor wouldn't be caught dead wearing one himself.

The real problem here, however, isn't Pastor Funderburke's extremely bad taste in timepieces, it's the fact that he has no testicles. Normally I'd be all for a black man apologizing for asking for a handout, but he is a representative of God. What kind of pastor apologizes to his flock for haranguing them for money? We're locked in heavy combat with the Devil, and Jesus needs that money to save souls!


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 10:47 PM

The article goes on to explain that the unfortunate Negroe pastor waited a whole year for that watch and they still didn't deliver. This wasn't an immediate request, his congregants had twelve whole months to scrape $1,300 together. Pathetic. No wonder he lost it and cursed at them, I would have done the same.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-18-2022, 11:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
The article goes on to explain that the unfortunate Negroe pastor waited a whole year for that watch and they still didn't deliver. This wasn't an immediate request, his congregants had twelve whole months to scrape $1,300 together. Pathetic. No wonder he lost it and cursed at them, I would have done the same.
Let's say the small church has 70 members. Each member tosses in $20 and you have $1,400. The pastor said his members are so poor they don't have $20 for his watch because they are sorry losers. There is a lot of truth to that.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-19-2022, 01:46 AM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Let's say the small church has 70 members.
What is the point of a church with only 70 members? That's less than the round-off error on Jesus's weekly report of souls lost and saved to the Father.

I understand that not every church has 32,000 members like we have at Landover, but 70 just isn't economically tenable as a congregation, even if they do keep costs low by hiring a watchless black pastor.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-19-2022, 05:13 AM

Movado watches are overpriced and made in Switzerland by gnomes using cheap quartz movements. Their iconic "museum" watches have a dial with no hour or minute markings - so it's hard to tell the time (and there is no second hand). Movado's effete modernist / minimalist design and branding reeks of homerism - and no one calling themselves "Christian" should be seen wearing one.

If you happen to own one, you might be able to redeem a few dollars in a pawn shop and give it to Jesus.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-19-2022, 11:13 PM

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Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
Movado watches are overpriced and made in Switzerland by gnomes using cheap quartz movements. Their iconic "museum" watches have a dial with no hour or minute markings - so it's hard to tell the time (and there is no second hand). Movado's effete modernist / minimalist design and branding reeks of homerism - and no one calling themselves "Christian" should be seen wearing one.

If you happen to own one, you might be able to redeem a few dollars in a pawn shop and give it to Jesus.
Watches are for fags. A man who wears flashy jewelry on his wrist is a fag. Real men tell time by the Sun. I'm not surprised this pastor is black because most black guys are sodomites.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-20-2022, 07:43 AM

Q: What do you call a black pastor who wears a Movado?

A: A suspect.


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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-20-2022, 09:22 AM

It’s hard to know where to start on this one. There are times when you feel so good in Jesus that His blessings make you feel entitled.

It is the job of the Pastor to tell his congregation not only about the things that other people do wrongly, but to tell them of all the good things that they are doing correctly. This leads directly to Jesus’s teaching: the ease of life is not the end goal, the end goal is to die and go to heaven – the bit in the middle –this vale of tears – is but the blink of an eye in the middle of it all, so do not take it seriously.

The Pastor needs to lead up with a parable about how a man,working in the fields of his Lord, overheard the Lord speak of a fine sundial and, the man, being a faithful servant, secretly spent his son’s college fund son the gift to the Lord of a sundial. The Lord was overjoyed and praised the man and gave him an easier job, but the man’s wife was sore vexed. When the Lord heard of the ungrateful and stiff-necked wife, he did go unto the woman and say “Uneducated sons are a dime a dozen, For ye have them always with you; but but me ye have not always.” And the woman saw the error of her ways and,with the money for her daughter’s dowry, also gave the Lord a fine crocodile strap to secure the sundial to his wrist.

I’m sure even the densest congregation would get the message.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-20-2022, 01:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post

And the woman saw the error of her ways and,with the money for her daughter’s dowry, also gave the Lord a fine crocodile strap to secure the sundial to his wrist.
That's deep, Pastor Bathfire. Your years of training in theology come through loud and clear. Those of us with less academic training would see the issue in a more simply way: A pastor needs to know the time of day. Buy him a watch.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-20-2022, 02:06 PM

When conversation is flagging at a dinner party, the host will often ask the guests about their wristwatches. That's why I always wear this model



58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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Default Re: Is $1,300 too Much for a Pastor's Watch - 08-22-2022, 01:49 PM

The matter of this pastor's watch remains unresolved nationally. Another Christian site wants to analyze what Christians should think. People should simply log onto this site to get the correct perspective. We here a Landover Baptist know the preacher business, we have the best in the country. They wear watches so expensive most churches could not even pay the sales taxes.

One of the big issues nationally in this story is that the pastor got angry when those in the pews would not come up with the cash for his luxury watch. At Landover Baptist, insults to the congregation delivered by Pastor Zeke are an every Sunday thing. Those who sin know it is directed at them. Those of us who do not sin are pumped up to keep the faith. We are all better off for Pastor Zeke's rants.

How should people react to pastor's 'tantrum' over luxury watch? | Living News (christianpost.com)


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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