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Default The Limits of Christian Diversity - 02-21-2020, 05:44 PM

The Limits of Christian Diversity

PREAMBLE:
Minorities are a minority for a reason. The reason is that they failed to go forth and multiply as, or to the extent, required. This is usually because they are ugly, unhygienic, weird, lazy, unintelligent and inherently godless, which combined with speaking some unintelligible tongue, makes finding a “a helpmate mete for them” extremely difficult and thus procreation all but impossible.

In my position as Pastor for Diversity, I am naturally interested in anything that affects, directly or indirectly, the minorities of this world as all too often, not realizing that we live in a democracy, they seem to think that they have some sort of right to tell the rest of us “normal” people what we should do. However, they seem somehow to not notice that we “normal” people, who are numerous as the stars in the firmament, are seen as oppressors by virtue of our majority vote that is guided by God Himself… Amazing!

Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not against diversity – I know a lot of the 1%ers who, by definition are a minority, and yet you don’t see them whining about “rights for 1%ers” or parading loudly and violently on the streets demanding that we should believe black is white, or that someone with a violent stutter should be a 911 operator. No, they use the quiet reasoned persuasion that Jesus approves of, and in general terms, it is they who have shaped America and proven true the saying “In America, anyone can become president.”

MAIN POINT
Landover’s Office of Pastor for Diversity has been held by a line of stellar pastors, of whom I am but the latest. I see myself mainly as “keeping the seat warm for my successor” rather than the tenured recipient of a huge honor and stipend.

One of my duties is to attempt to foster relations with those who are, in some way, “under-represented in the congregation” and whose presence will test us, our faith and our title of “God’s Favorite Church” and thus bring us all nearer to God. And it is God Himself who directs my steps.

It was in this light, and in spite of a dream in which 2 catfish were walking backwards across the Wilderness, that I decided to have my faithful retainer “Boy” drive me to a building that calls itself a “church” – a “church” that also has a Pastor for Diversity. I will not mention any details for fear that an unruly mob, fueled by righteous indignation, raze this den of sin to the ground.

The visit lasted a little over 3 minutes. The pastor welcomed me with
-“Ah, Pastor Bathfire! I’m so please to see you. Our ministry, is one of the most challenging, don’t you think?”

I thanked him but added,
- “No. Landover’s congregation know where I am, and I know where they are. What do you see as a challenge?”

I was quite surprised when he replied
-“At the moment, my concern is enabling the LGBTQ+ community to feel more of an important part within God’s love for us all.”

-“There aren’t any of them in Landover, and that’s how we like it. We like it because God likes it.” I replied.

He seemed surprised,
- “Are you sure, Pastor Bathfire?”

- “I’m Landover’s Pastor for Diversity. Who else would know if there were abominations, spreading disease and discord in the congregation? I’m sure that, like me, you don’t want people going round saying “That there Pastor at ____ church, he’s trying to fill his church with ass-bandits and drag-queens… ”

Then came the blow…

-“Pastor Bathfire! My personal pronoun is not “He”, it is “She” and that is what my husband calls me. I would like you to apologize!”

I managed to gasp out
- “You’re a woman! … Dressed as a man… and you have a husband? Is he an abomination?”

And before the world started to spin and go black I heard.
- “If it is any business of yours, “Pastor for Diversity”, my husband is a “She.”

I awoke with a cry on the couch in my own blessed home some hours later. It appears that “Boy” had been in the church’s kitchen eating brownies with one of his kind and had heard my cry and saved my soul and probably parts of my anatomy from significant damage.

It was then that the significance of the “Catfish” dream became apparent. The two catfish were Jesus and I. We were walking backwards so that we could keep in sight for as long as possible Landover and its truth and guidance as we approached Sodom and Gomorrah. Of course “Landover is a metaphor for “the Celestial City” and I swear I will never disregard such a dream again.

MORAL
1. There is diversity, and then there is “diversity”. The first I have described third paragraph of the Preamble. The second one is a hijacked word stolen by Satan and given to his minions it describes a frightening and often scary world akin to those created by H P Lovecraft (whose books you are forbidden to read.).
2. Dreams are messages from God (often)
3. Other “churches” should not be entered. If they are not “of Satan” they are heretical.
4. Have a private detective do background checks on every stranger you have to meet.
5. Trust in God, He’ll not give you more than you can bear, although, at times it might seem otherwise.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: The Limits of Christian Diversity - 02-21-2020, 09:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Landover’s Office of Pastor for Diversity has been held by a line of stellar pastors, of whom I am but the latest. I see myself mainly as “keeping the seat warm for my successor” rather than the tenured recipient of a huge honor and stipend.
Oh, Pastor Bathfire, Sir, please reassure us that you have no plans to retire anytime soon?
Quote:
“At the moment, my concern is enabling the LGBTQ+ community to feel more of an important part within God’s love for us all.”
That one word, enabling, says it all.
As to the pronoun business, despite having read your report multiple times I am none the wiser as to who (if anyone) was the man and who (ditto) the woman in this scenario. It is frankly terrifying and yet another reason to avoid outsiders.

I have printed out multiple copies of your MORAL section and will be testing the children on it before breakfast tomorrow. Point 5 is particularly relevant to this household, and any child who realizes that he, personally, is the cause of his mother's despair will be appropriately rewarded. Or at least, not punished.

Thank you for your valuable guidance, in which I am sure we all hear the inspiration of Jesus.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default Re: The Limits of Christian Diversity - 02-22-2020, 12:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Oh, Pastor Bathfire, Sir, please reassure us that you have no plans to retire anytime soon?
My soul is at the disposal of The Lord.
Quote:
As to the pronoun business, despite having read your report multiple times I am none the wiser as to who (if anyone) was the man and who (ditto) the woman in this scenario.
I tried to work it out myself, but even recalling the incident leaves me confused and faint.
Quote:
Point 5 is particularly relevant to this household, and any child who realizes that he, personally, is the cause of his mother's despair will be appropriately rewarded. Or at least, not punished.
Yes, I too find it comforting. Even Jesus was not "given more than He could bear," and look what happened to Him.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: The Limits of Christian Diversity - 10-25-2020, 01:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Minorities are a minority for a reason. The reason is that they failed to go forth and multiply as, or to the extent, required. This is usually because they are ugly, unhygienic, weird, lazy, unintelligent and inherently godless, which combined with speaking some unintelligible tongue, makes finding a “a helpmate mete for them” extremely difficult and thus procreation all but impossible.
The worst thing about this is that Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are trying to rig the game! They are trying to cheat the system! Mexicans don't multiply fruitfully, as commanded in Genesis 1:28, due to being smelly and ugly so Joe Biden want's to solve this by opening our borders!

I cannot wait for Donald Trump to obliterate Joe Biden in the elections so this nightmare can finally be over!


Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: The Limits of Christian Diversity - 10-26-2020, 04:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Mexicans don't multiply fruitfully, as commanded in Genesis 1:28, due to being smelly and ugly
Mezkins multiply very well in their natural habitat of the desert. It is only when they are transplanted into a human habitable zone that they fail to thrive. Think of them like weeds. Greasy, smelly weeds that turn a yard into an eyesore.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Rebuke Re: The Limits of Christian Diversity - 10-26-2020, 08:50 PM

The Bible forbids races to mix.and hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation Acts 17:26


Ecclesiastes 5:3b "A fool's voice is known by multitude of words."
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