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Jesus Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-12-2019, 04:04 PM

Sister Maxine:


I trust it will not embarrass you that I respond to your recent private message publicly but I feel I must bring the sins of the father to light as they may affect his lovely daughter, you. You are far too young to understand this, I know, but once I explain it I hope you'll have a better grasp on why I did this. Please read it with the same gentle and soothing tone with which it is written.


1. Your father wants me to do a promotional poster or something to promote your eligibility as a potential bride.


2. Your father is offering me financial compensation for this.


My response has to be NO. Dearest one, do you not see that by complying with his request I would be turning you into a prostitutional person? A harlot? A trollop? A woman of ill repute? No, child - this is not something I can do. As an uber-hetero male, I respect the weaker gender far too much to do something like this. So:


I rebuke your father in Jesus' Name. I wouldn't comply with this request even if your father was a True Christian™ because there are certain lines I will not venture across, and harlotation is one of them. Your LORD and your GOD knows what He has in store for you, and your father should trust in Him completely rather than trying to pawn you off like some dime store floozy. Does he not see the potential you have as a future bride? Does he not praise God daily for the dowry you will someday bring?


We love you, Sister, and we want what's best for you. My advice is to move out on your own where you can build up your self-esteem. Perhaps find a Christian sister with whom you can share old maid status. This will give father a chance to sort things out for himself. He can't depend on you forever. And he needs to be finding a young wife who can bring him more soldiers for Christ. Armageddon isn't some fleeting idea in the mind of a few authors, you know. The battle is real and will happen soon! What if Christ only needed one more soldier to defeat the enemy and that soldier wasn't there because of your father's selfishness?


If I've offended you, then may God hang a millstone around my neck - but I think He would want me to be honest with you, dear.


In Christian Love and Concern,
BrotherLarry
Revelation 22:12


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-12-2019, 09:05 PM

Happy early birthday.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-12-2019, 10:49 PM

Sister Isabella,

Once I am properly engaged and everything is approved by my Pa, I will definitely ask that you bake the cake pictured. It is quite lovely. Are the beer cans edible?

Mister Larry,

I deeply appreciate your concern and will take it into consideration. I am in deep conflict, however, as I am reminded of Colossians 3:20. I discussed this with my Pa and he has rescinded his offer of payment to you. He apologized for how it came off and that he was just desperate to marry me off so that I can be out of the house to please someone. I can only assume he wants me to start being a good housewife for a husband ASAP.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-15-2019, 10:38 AM

I'd just like to take this moment to remind all the gentlemen here that you should always check ID's and birth certificates any time any young lady's age is at all in question.

You would not believe the kinds of trouble a guy can get into.


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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 02:18 PM

Update: I got married as of Wednesday last week. After paying a hefty sum for Sister Isabella to design the wedding cake, we didn’t have much else left for decorations so we improvised with what was available at the dollar store. The photos are still on the disposable cameras to be processed but once they are, I’ll share with all of you.

Unfortunately, my newfound hubby has been shot down by a Nigra the very next day. This, coupled with the fact that I found out from the court system that I am still 17, the marriage was annulled. I am devastated by this. I was sure that I was turning 18. I was all set to begin my life as a loyal wife. I am now the owner of the man’s estate though. What do i do with the money? Also, putting his baby in the care of the state. It’s not my baby.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 05:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Update: I got married as of Wednesday last week. After paying a hefty sum for Sister Isabella to design the wedding cake, we didn’t have much else left for decorations so we improvised with what was available at the dollar store. The photos are still on the disposable cameras to be processed but once they are, I’ll share with all of you.

Unfortunately, my newfound hubby has been shot down by a Nigra the very next day. This, coupled with the fact that I found out from the court system that I am still 17, the marriage was annulled. I am devastated by this. I was sure that I was turning 18. I was all set to begin my life as a loyal wife. I am now the owner of the man’s estate though. What do i do with the money? Also, putting his baby in the care of the state. It’s not my baby.

I fail to see the age issue--did your parents forget to sign the waiver? This makes me doubt the sincerity of your and your parents' beliefs. I also question the legality of you inheriting your "not-husband's" estate after his untimely passing, considering the so-called "annullment". Are you having fun at our expense? Because we have no time for your petty "humor", we are busy people doing God's Work in the little time we have left before He returns.


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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 05:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
After paying a hefty sum for Sister Isabella to design the wedding cake, we didn’t have much else left for decorations so we improvised with what was available at the dollar store.
Nonsense. No True Christian™ in her right mind would socialize with the Spiritual Riff Raff, much less work for them for monetary compensation. Sister Isabella is a Prayer Warrior of extraordinary measure and is too busy Power Rebuking those gosh darned library Drag Queens Story Time horrors that keep popping up like rats (please excuse my language).


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 05:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Nonsense. No True Christian™ in her right mind would socialize with the Spiritual Riff Raff, much less work for them for monetary compensation.
Has someone hacked Sister Isabella's password? Some of her posts on this thread have been peculiar. I did suggest, privately, that using the word "password" as your password is unwise, but I'm not sure that she understood why.

This whole business is all very odd, especially this:
Quote:
Unfortunately, my newfound hubby has been shot down by a Nigra the very next day.
Do they even have colored folks in Newfoundland? I suspect that psychopathic drugs may be involved here.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 05:58 PM

Sister Joanna, once again your insight is inspiring. The LORD surely speaks through you.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 05:58 PM

Is Sister Isabella still teaching her class on Power Rebuking? I believe I could afford the suggested donation this year, if I take some money out of my retirement account.


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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 06:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Is Sister Isabella still teaching her class on Power Rebuking? I believe I could afford the suggested donation this year, if I take some money out of my retirement account.
I don't know, Brother, but if she is then the class in how to deliver the cold, hard death-glare is well worth the donation. The rest is good too, but that one has been the most useful in controlling both the unSaved and my youngest children. Oh, and tradesmen, of course.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Isabella White Isabella White is offline
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-20-2019, 08:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Nonsense. No True Christian™ in her right mind would socialize with the Spiritual Riff Raff, much less work for them for monetary compensation. Sister Isabella is a Prayer Warrior of extraordinary measure and is too busy Power Rebuking those gosh darned library Drag Queens Story Time horrors that keep popping up like rats (please excuse my language).
Oh, dear Sister Mary: Thank you so much for speaking so kindly of my efforts to rid our libraries of those darned drag queens. You know, when I was the Librarian at my local library, I had quite a job on my hands, what with going through the stacks of sinful books (anything by Shakespeare, for example) and removing them for use in the upcoming bonfires. But, now, being a good librarian (especially a -fearing, one) has become much more challenging, what with these pansy-faced perverts trying to take our children down the garden path. Well, I won't have it! And neither with the ! I might be on in years, but I'm as determined as ever to fight the injustice of sin that infiltrates our schools and libraries. And I'll continue to stand on the Word of the for as long as He gives breath to these old lungs.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Has someone hacked Sister Isabella's password? Some of her posts on this thread have been peculiar. I did suggest, privately, that using the word "password" as your password is unwise, but I'm not sure that she understood why.

This whole business is all very odd, especially this:
Do they even have colored folks in Newfoundland? I suspect that psychopathic drugs may be involved here.
Oh, dear Sister Joanna: I do thank you for your concern but, so far as I know, my account has not been hacked. I'm not sure that I understand which of my posts have been peculiar, though. Perhaps it's because I've been trying to give some support to dear Sister Maxine, as it seems she's somewhat confused (that's between you and me) these days, what with her ordeal over the truck stalling in the middle of Nowhere and all. And, yes, they do have the odd nigra in Newfoundland. Agatha's Toronto friend (Priscilla) mentioned that it is so, although the people there are not accustomed to seeing blackened faces. Apparently, some of the children have suffered severe nightmares from such unexpected horrors when they were enjoying their cod tongue dinners at restaurants.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Is Sister Isabella still teaching her class on Power Rebuking? I believe I could afford the suggested donation this year, if I take some money out of my retirement account.
Oh, dear Faith: Indeed, yes, I am still teaching Power-Rebuking. As a matter of fact, I have just returned from the McGill Street Tuesday Afternoon Ladies' Prayer Group, where we had a grand, old time praising the , and rebuking the Demonrats that would steal the Presidency from our -sent President Donald J. Trump. (May he rule forever!) I'll share a little secret with you about rebuking effectively: it is especially powerful with two little steps: 1) Wear your reading glasses down on your nose; 2) Glare and frown as much as possible.


Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Update: I got married as of Wednesday last week. After paying a hefty sum for Sister Isabella to design the wedding cake, we didn’t have much else left for decorations so we improvised with what was available at the dollar store. The photos are still on the disposable cameras to be processed but once they are, I’ll share with all of you.

Unfortunately, my newfound hubby has been shot down by a Nigra the very next day. This, coupled with the fact that I found out from the court system that I am still 17, the marriage was annulled. I am devastated by this. I was sure that I was turning 18. I was all set to begin my life as a loyal wife. I am now the owner of the man’s estate though. What do i do with the money? Also, putting his baby in the care of the state. It’s not my baby.
Oh, dear Heaven above, Sister Maxine! I am horrified to hear of this tragic news, but you know, it's probably the best thing that's happened to you all summer. The wedding plans do sound somewhat rushed, thrown together like a dog's breakfast, and I was afraid that something bad was going to happen. I do so hope that you're not too upset and have been praying constantly to find yourself in favor with once again. Now, as for the wedding cake business: I insisted that I would bake the cake and send it you as my gift for your big day, even though you said you would pay me. Your check has not arrived yet and when it does, it shall be returned to you immediately. It is my hope that you have enjoyed the cake, though, and I hope that it helped to take your mind off the tragedy. And what happened to the nigra who shot your hubby? Did the police nail him good, too?

A blessed day to you, dear friends at ,
Sincerely, Isabella W.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
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Basilissa Basilissa is offline
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-21-2019, 01:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Update:
tl;dr: you are still going to Hell (1 Timothy 2:15).
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Default Re: I will turn 18 one week from today. - 08-21-2019, 10:01 PM

Look, I'm not a snob or anything. I don't have a snobbish bone in my body. Some of my best friends are mouth-breathing inbred trucker-bomb jugglers. But this is too much for even me.

We try to have a touch of class around here, and that becomes impossible when certain ladies (I'm using the term loosely) stray from the ladies forum, and from their housework, to clutter this forum like so much goose-poop on the diamond-tither's golf course.

This thread is closed.

PS the cake gave me heartburn.
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