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Reload this Page RIBFEST '09! Register here!
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Smile RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 01:51 PM

That's right, Ribfest '09 is coming up fast. Register here. Already registered:

Sister Jenny

I don't know what's on Sister Jenny's ribs, but I know I'm already drooling in anticipation of that tender, juicy flesh. She's last year's winner - though some say It's just because of all the free samples she gives away.

Brother Zeke

There is stiff competition this year with a promise of copious qualities of ribs from Brother Zeke. He goes to legendary lengths to protect the secret of his secret sauce. And what a secret it is - sticky, salty, with a can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it flavor - some sort of manna from heaven, some Catholics believe it is milk from the Virgin Mary. That theory explains its color, though nothing else.

Brother Trent

A greenhorn facing off against seasoned veterans, Brother Trent won't have an easy time conquering Ribfest '09. Will he cut and run, like he did from Iraq? Will the strong spices make him cry for a purple heart? Will the sight of roasting flesh make him run away to PTSD councelling? I can't wait to find out!

Jeb's Nothin' But Grits

Currently the winner in the grits category, I'll be there with my famous Nothin' But Grits™. I'm also the only member in this category, because my Nothin' But Grits™ are so good nobody even tries to beat them.
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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 02:01 PM

I just want everyone to know that I AM BRINGIN' IT this year. With Jesus on my side and my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy working day and night, we are sure to re-capture the title this year!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 02:17 PM

Nobar's smoked ribs are going to be the prize winner this year. I'm doing a variant with walnuts and blue cheese and wrapping them with bacon. One bite of my ribs and you will think the Rapture has come early and you have been dispatched to Heaven.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 03:26 PM

Mayfield Ribs:
I have discovered a Czech secret herb that will make you hungry for more! And the fact that with my ribs you get a free Pilsner, well. And like they say, That fat on my ribs just makes them juicier!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 04:27 PM

Wait till yall try Jimmy Cs RIPPIN' RIBS! Made with 99 purcent ALL-AMERICAN BEEF! Its thumb suckin good!



(BBQ sauce specially perpared by my naybur Missus Balls.)


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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 05:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Nobar's smoked ribs are going to be the prize winner this year. I'm doing a variant with walnuts and blue cheese and wrapping them with bacon. One bite of my ribs and you will think the Rapture has come early and you have been dispatched to Heaven.
Nobar, if last year's entry is any indication, that feeling of being dispatched to Heaven will be from the dysentery. How many did you hospitalize? And poor Brother Hatchet, he very nearly DID meet Jesus!

I do hope you'll be boiling your Jenkins Flats water this year before cooking for those of us who live away from the hog farms.

As for my entry? Well, gentlemen, I'm still not going to share my secret for locking in that juicy flavor. And no, the ladies who spend their time of the month at The Monthly Visitor will not tell you anything, either! They know that it couldn't happen without them . . . each makes her own contribution to my prize-winning glaze.


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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 06:53 PM

I won't get my lips near your ribs, you saucy tart.
You'll probably be cooking piglet:

What did he ever do to you?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-25-2009, 07:29 PM

I have never entered that contest because I'm from Texas and I automatically have an unfair advantage. Then again, my chink housekeeper pretty well negates any advantage by trying to convince me that the slop from her cousin's chop suey house is edible.

I'll give you a little idea what you'd be up against if I ever took up the challenge. This is Bubba, my Barbeque chef in Houston last month.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15JA16WFYLc


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-27-2009, 09:58 PM

Oh, I hope I can get down to Freehold for this event! My mouth is watering just thinking about chowing down on some True Christian™ ribs!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-29-2009, 05:00 AM

Are there no other competitors?

Can no man (or woman) best The Monthly Visitor's entry?


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Default Re: RIBFEST '09! Register here! - 04-29-2009, 08:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
Are there no other competitors?
It sounds like there'll be some good eating at this year's Rib Fest, but the ribs I hunger for are SUV's slooowwww cooked, pit-smoked barbeque. After 12-hours of smoking it up with SUV, you'd be done to perfection, too.


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I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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