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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default Suppositories - 06-12-2010, 11:59 PM

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I have been suffering from extreme nausea and gastrointestinal pain for the last two days, so I went to a Dr. Golding in Des Moines this morning. He gave me a prescription and told me I'd be fine in a short while if I took the medicine.

When I got back to Dr. Bessemer's guest house and unwrapped the package, I was very dismayed to discover that I had been prescribed suppositories, which I am supposed to insert into my rectum four times each day.

As I shared with many of you during my testimony at Wednesday Night Fellowship, I am a fully recovered Ex-Gay©. While I am now certified 100% heterosexual, I still avoid any activity which would cause a relapse in spiritually weaker individuals. For example, my wife cuts my bananas up for me rather than serving them to me whole, as this conjures up too many painful memories. I am concerned about inserting a suppository into my rectum for the same reason.

I need to discuss this matter with Professor Stephen, but he has been out all afternoon. I'm just sitting here staring at the bag of suppositories, in incredible pain, and I have no idea what to do. I've tried taking Pepto Bismol and pills, but I just throw them back up.

Can anyone offer some True Christian™ advice? My stomach hurts so badly...

YIC


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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VashniEAmaraya VashniEAmaraya is offline
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Default Re: Suppositories - 06-13-2010, 12:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedediah View Post
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I have been suffering from extreme nausea and gastrointestinal pain for the last two days, so I went to a Dr. Golding in Des Moines this morning. He gave me a prescription and told me I'd be fine in a short while if I took the medicine.

When I got back to Dr. Bessemer's guest house and unwrapped the package, I was very dismayed to discover that I had been prescribed suppositories, which I am supposed to insert into my rectum four times each day.

As I shared with many of you during my testimony at Wednesday Night Fellowship, I am a fully recovered Ex-Gay©. While I am now certified 100% heterosexual, I still avoid any activity which would cause a relapse in spiritually weaker individuals. For example, my wife cuts my bananas up for me rather than serving them to me whole, as this conjures up too many painful memories. I am concerned about inserting a suppository into my rectum for the same reason.

I need to discuss this matter with Professor Stephen, but he has been out all afternoon. I'm just sitting here staring at the bag of suppositories, in incredible pain, and I have no idea what to do. I've tried taking Pepto Bismol and pills, but I just throw them back up.

Can anyone offer some True Christian™ advice? My stomach hurts so badly...

YIC
Pray.
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Default Re: Suppositories - 06-13-2010, 01:05 AM

Brother Jedediah,

Gosh, I barely know what to say and I am praying that your pain subsides.

I am wondering about this Dr Golding. Do you think he may be a homer joo, trying to entice you back into your former behavior?

For all you know, he could well be filled with lustful thoughts and fantasizing about you at this very minute!

I truly think the best thing to do is wait it out until you and Professor Bessemer can have a good one on one. I have heard that his private rooms are excellent and he always seems to get to the bottom of things in there. His probing techniques are often discussed in our fellowship here in Australia, especially by the men.

In the meantime, perhaps reading Leviticus and Deuteronomy may quell any subconscious "urges" you may be feeling right now.

If however you do backslide, I am sure that Professor Bessemer will be there with solid support. He is a hard man, but a good man.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow.






There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
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Default Re: Suppositories - 06-13-2010, 01:52 AM

Perhaps you could have the suppositories administered whilst in a medically-induced coma; you will not remember the procedure, therefore will not form any distressing homo-associated memories.

Additionally, if one is on a tight budget, Professor Bessemer offers an affordable alternative involving copious amounts of alcohol, in place of general anesthetic. This is perhaps the most GODLY option, as Professor Bessemer is in the habit of praying fervently whenever he views the naked male backside; from your bottom to God's Ears, if you like. I have the utmost confidence and faith that you will be healed using this method.


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Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

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Default Re: Suppositories - 06-13-2010, 01:57 AM

Would there be some way of acquiring a time released version of the suppository?

If you took it orally, and the 'time release' part was timed correctly the suppository would be in the proximity of the problem, having traveled the long way there.

Hope this is feasible.


Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.
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Default Re: Suppositories - 06-13-2010, 01:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedediah View Post
For example, my wife cuts my bananas up for me rather than serving them to me whole
When you have sliced banana with your corn flakes, do you prefer the slices to be round, or half-rounds? How thin does she cut the slices?


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