[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

It's that time of year again....Get ready for the

2007 Freehold Summer Family Fun Film Festival!

The current lineup is as follows (still subject to change):

Adventure:

Red Dawn (1984)

Though derided by liberals as being "unrealistic" this movie was actually based on real-life operations by the freedom fighters of Afganistan (this is why it's set in Colorado, rather than Alaska: the mountains and deserts of Colorado are the closest American equivalent of Afganistan.) After the vieweing, there will be a special question and answer session with actual veterans of Afganistan's holy war against godless communism.

Left Behind: The Movie (2000)

Obviously this film speaks for itself. As this event is expected to be sold out, please do not plan to attend if you have already watched Left Behind more than 10 times in the past year.

Apocalypse (1998)

This film introduces us to Helen Hannah, a news reporter for WNN, World News Network. Her boyfriend and fellow anchor, Bronson Pearl is in the middle east covering the Battle of Armageddon. While Bronson is there, the rapture occurs and the whole world is thrown into chaos. Both Helen and Bronson search for answers.

Helen sadly finds that her grandma was taken to be with Jesus. But she had left a key for Helen, using which she opens a box that has tapes of Dr. Jack and Rexella Van Impe's television show. The tapes are about the end times. Hilarity ensues.

Inchon (1982)

Financed and produced by our good friends at the Unification Church, with none other than Sun Myung Moon being a Special Advisor to the film.

The Conqueror (1956)

A Howard Hughes-funded box-office blockbuster featuring John Wayne at his best, playing Genghis Khan. All the actors have an especially healthy glow due to the filming being downwind from an atomic testing range in Nevada.

The Green Berets (1968)

This heart-poundingly realistic, and completely origional film includes such memorable characters as an Irishman named Muldoon, a doubting journalist, a Negro, a little refugee kid with a pet dog, and even a hard-bitten veteran.

Children's:

The Passion of The Christ

Special super-extended directors cut, includes over 100 minutes of never-before seen torture and mutilation scenes!

Why Do Boys Have Nipples? 101 intelligent design questions answered.

Don't worry, no nipples are shown in the film.

A Cigarette's Tale (1988)

Coughy the Camel, Skinny Sally, and Koolie, the Kool smoking penguin. Considered by many to be superior to the later and more successful Vegitales franchise.

Ted Nugent's Metalstorm™ in Madagascar! (2007)

Watch acclaimed naturalist Ted Negent discover rare and unknown species, before shredding them with the latest high-tech firearms. The T.O.W. Missile VS Cheetah segment is worth the price of admission alone.

Bikini Babes with Bazookas volume 12 (2007)

Considered by many to be the best yet of the series. After party at LBC University shooting range with a secret special guest. (Gold tithers and below not invited)

Comedy:

SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

Widely regarded as among the funniest movies of all time.

Gimme Shelter (1971)

Jeb Thurmond's special abridged version. The music has been replaced with Christian rock, and all scenes not involving hippies getting beaten up have been removed. Laugh at the zany sound effects, and groove to the toe-tappin' rock n' rapture soundtrack.

Drama:

OG: Olive Garden, The Movie (2007)

Nationwide premiere... RIGHT HERE IN FREEHOLD!! Jack (played by Lenardo de Cappio), a young all American kid is hired to be an OG manager. Mr Harris (played by Gene Hackman), a tough but fair OG VP puts the Jack threw the paces to see if he has the moves to run a OG restaurant and maintain the commitment to quality that OG stands for. The going is tough for Jack but with the love his girlfriend he pulls threw Harris’ grueling training regime. Finally it is the big time for Jack, he gets his own restaurant and gets to live the American Dream®, Olive Garden Style.

An Atheist's Tale (2006)

Follows the day in the life of a secularist as he puts time in at abortion clinic, fakes fossiles and cashes his welfare check.

Little Omar: Finding Freedom (2007)

The dramatized life of an Iraq real child who is learns to enjoy the blessings of freedom thanks to the American liberation of Iraq. The movies climax is Omar being baptized a Christian by Mother Teresa (played by Anne Coulter) heading up the heroic missionaries converting Iraq to Christianity

Horror:

Satan Hunter’s: The Wicker Meanace (2006)

Due to a crises of faith of the daughter, a Christian family’s protection covering lapses. A wicker coven then attacks the family one night, hunting down, torturing and killing the family members one by one. Finally the daughter is forced to confront the coven's high priestess and chose between killing for Christ or a life time of depravity and cannibalism as a slave girl of Satan.

Documentary:

The Clonus Horror (1979)

Discover the truth behind "cloning" and similar crimes against God being committed by science.

Borat (2006)

A typical documentary about the glory of America with a twist: it is actually a foreign film. Viewer discretion advised, contains foreigner antics, not for the weak of stomach. No admittance to those under 21 or of the female gender.

Micheal Moore Hates America (2004)

Other

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Not recommended. We are legally obligated to show this film as part of the out-of-court settlement for Church of Scientology VS Americhrist Industries 2001.