Valentine's Day, AKA Treason Season! Where we discuss the evils of this pagan holiday. |
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 08:27 PM
I know Skeeter's been coming in twice daily at the Landover Victory College Bookstore, hoping he'd be the first to wear an Ex-Masturbator t-shirt. Well, Skeeter, your wait is over. Landover's friends at Passion For Christ Movement have finally sent us the promised shipment of shirts.
Check it out. The shirt comes in red and black for both men and women. There's no reason not to buy one of each, although I have to warn you, our supplies are limited. And YES! We DO have a very few Ex-Fornicator shirts for those who come early.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 08:40 PM
Why, Brother Larry, I was just reading a story on this very subject.
It included this most dreadful tale of hoe woe from a confessed ex-masturbator:
Quote:
I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn’t the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn’t the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from “humping” the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret…
Then I tried to break free, I found that those same desires tracked me down like a Mississippi Slave catcher. I had never had so much temptation to sin by masturbating in my whole life. I kept giving in and giving in. It was hard to last one day, much less two, without doing it. This lasted from June 2005 to September 2005. Until for 2 and half months, I managed to stop. Temptations were strong. There were times I’d have to run out of my dorm room or find a public place to be in because I couldn’t be alone when I was tempted. This was huge for me because I was used to falling to this sin daily. However, I backslide due to unforgiveness.
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Strangely, this young lady does not consider her latent Lezbianism to be of greater shame than her self-manipulation. Odd, that!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 09:11 PM
I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,546
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pastor Deacon Fred Hall, Landover Christian University School of Law, Freehold, Iowa, God's Country
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 09:35 PM
Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.
Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 11:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahimaaz Smith
Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.
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One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-09-2009, 11:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?
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Is that all you think about, Rod?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 11
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-26-2010, 09:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.
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are you calling some of God's works- beasts? are you saying black people are not worthy of respect and being treated equal- like one of God's own children?
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Unsaved trash God-hating feminazi clown Advise pastors of any suspicious activity!
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Posts: 165
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-27-2010, 12:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amie-81
are you calling some of God's works- beasts? are you saying black people are not worthy of respect and being treated equal- like one of God's own children?
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Yes they are. They say black people were put on this earth to be our slave.
They believe unless you are just like them you are going to hell.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-27-2010, 12:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueJuggaloMaMa
Yes they are. They say black people were put on this earth to be our slave.
They believe unless you are just like them you are going to hell.
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And your issue with that is what exactly?
We follow the Holy Word of God. If you don't like that, take it up with Him!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 1
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-27-2010, 02:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.
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I think being racist is wrong.
If that is truly your opinion then yo mama comes from the jungle.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-27-2010, 02:34 AM
BTB is not from the steamy dark jungle, she's an angel from the golden plains of Iowa.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2009, 03:50 AM
Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.
Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.
Especially when Jesus is watching.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2009, 07:46 AM
Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?
I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2009, 08:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?
I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.
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I expect they refer to ex-atheists Sis.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 109
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Arkansas of course!
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2009, 12:55 PM
I agree sister. But you never know when the devil might take posession of your soul if even for a brief moment. Especially after inhaling some fumes from the cooking sherry while preparing a roast for the Sunday church potluck.
That's why Mr. Roberts insists that I wear the Godly Chastity Belt when he is on the road. He keeps the key with him of course.
George Jesus Bush
Savior of Democracy
Help stop wasting taxpayer dollars on education spending.....Support home schooling, because reeding is fundermental.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2009, 06:18 PM
Those shirts are so nice, I almost wish I'd masturbated once so I could buy and wear one!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 3
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
01-29-2010, 10:01 AM
But I love to arouse my trouser snake
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 6
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Hillsboro, Oregon
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2010, 09:04 PM
I had a shirt similar to that made for myself a few years back after I started my "Touch Jesus, Not Yourself" program at my Church. It went over very well.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: hell
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
03-24-2010, 12:26 PM
wtf kind of christians are you people?
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Unsaved trash, false Christian bigot
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Posts: 29
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Godless UK
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Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! -
02-10-2010, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.
Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.
Especially when Jesus is watching.
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Why do you have an "Ex-Masturbator" badge up above your post, then? Did you decide to give them all to yourself in some sort of power trip?
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