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Reload this Page A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real]
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Prayer A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 05:56 AM

So I've done this once before but that topic's long gone, so I guess it's time to introduce myself again!

Tell us what church you go to

I don't have a church anymore. I used to go to this non-denominational one where people sang Amy Grant songs and drank grape juice. I don't think y'all would approve... seems like the kind of place you'd consider lukewarm. Oh, they also used the New Living Translation instead of the KJV1611.

and what your favorite Bible verse is

Mine's an unusual one to be sure:
Quote:
But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there. - Isaiah 13:21
When I was a little kid, I had an experience where I woke up and felt a heavy weight upon me, and when I opened my eyes, the ugliest bearded midget I ever saw was sitting on my chest and almost touching noses with me. I was afraid of the dark back then, so I had a flashlight under my pillow, and I grabbed it and shined it at that thing and it ran off screaming.

I was screaming too, as you can imagine, and that thing sounded like ET when he screams. Anyway, as the midget hopped off my bed and ran out the back door, I shined my flashlight and saw it had hairy goat legs. Even though I was scared to death, I opened the back door and followed it, and I didn't see it because it was already long gone, but I could still hear its hooves hitting the asphalt as it made its escape.

So there's my satyr story. Everything I've read about satyrs over the years says they're fairy tales and myths... everything except the Bible, and I know what I saw that night. I usually don't tell this story anymore because I get laughed at when I do.

I don't know what I believe spiritually, but on this the Bible and I are in 100% agreement!

and how you came to find Jesus.

I'm in Texas, so Jesus has always been there. When I was a kid, I went to school with these Mexican kids that wore shirts where Jesus had His bloody heart sticking right out of His chest, but He just had a big smile on His face like he didn't even notice this horror was happening to Him. He looked like He'd been to the Temple of Doom and had lots of fun.

Oh, and about my screen name... in another topic, Dr. Toole took umbrage with it, and I can see why, but it's not at all like it sounds. I remember it came from a movie I'd seen shortly before I arrived here last time... a wholesome old Western film about fellowship, though I unfortunately can't remember the name of it.


Proverbs 26:11 * As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Default Re: A reintroduction - 06-21-2022, 08:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Nasty (in another thread) View Post
I was instructed by a certain Mary somethingorother to write a 500 word devotional(?) to Jesus. And I don't know about you, but it takes me an awful long time to write something like that

"Mrs somethingorother" would be Mary Etheldreda one of Christ's humble vessels through whom references to Scripture may be found and relied upon. She defers to her owner in all matters and doesn't offer opinions – obviously telling you about The Bible is not a matter of opinion.

You've already exceeded 500 words since your return earlier this month but whether what you've posted qualifies is up to her, of course. In counting your words I ignored the Roman era public lavatory theme and "Desiderata 16:2" whatever that is.

If you would like to commit your life to serving Christ, a Pastor would be glad to advise you. I have decided not to add you to my friends list at this stage but here is a nice flower.

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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 04:17 PM

tldr: me me me

Welcome I guess. A link to your first Intro would have been enough for me but anyway... what specifically brought you back to torture us again with rambling tales about yourself that have no point except to open the door to more rambling tales about yourself?


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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 07:29 PM

Your satyr story sounds a little gay to me. Are you sure you weren't simply black-out drunk and woke up with a hairy Mexican man on your chest? Anyway, it sounds awfully traumatic to have been inundated with such terrible images of Our Lord throughout childhood. I like to think of Him as looking serene and whole (well, with holes in his hands and a the side wound modestly covered up anyway), not tortured and horrified. That's Catholic for you - sadists all the way. Welcome back dear. I think I speak for everyone when I saw we look forward to reading your apology essay.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 07:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Welcome back dear. I think I speak for everyone when I saw we look forward to reading your apology essay.
Oh yes, hundreds more words.

And also dare I say another Introduction? We still know barely nothing about this visitor - his marital status, number of sons, age??? The reading/writing/comprehension level plus the fact he joined 7 years ago suggests an age of... 7? We're left to imagine.


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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 08:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Oh yes, hundreds more words.
I would like to thank the administrators of these forums for the Shun! function. So useful.


Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-21-2022, 08:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Oh yes, hundreds more words.
I believe Jesus will never tire of hearing His Praises. Just think about it, why would He create Heaven to be a place where souls sing Hallelujah and other divine ejaculations for eternity if He didn't want to hear words that glorify Him for ever and ever and ever? It doesn't make sense. And no true, genuine praise can begin without sufficient shame. This is the foundation of True Faith™.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
And also dare I say another Introduction? We still know barely nothing about this visitor - his marital status, number of sons, age???

Oh I suppose you men want to talk about hunting and football and which wrench fixes engine knock. I suppose these things can be of interest in some way, but because the Holy Ghost has given me the gift of empathy I can empathize with Jesus in a strong and visceral way. I know how His Heart hurts when a soul is so close to regeneration but never quite makes it. Would you deny a newborn babe his mother's breast? Of course not - the milk is what gives him life. Okay, well, praise is not quite like mother's milk and Jesus isn't dependent upon it to sustain His life because He cannot die having defeated death and shown Satan to whom the victory belongs. But I digress. Still, I would not deny Christ His Praise and 500 years is but a drop in the proverbial bucket of Praise He will be gifted in Heaven! Why wait one more day?

\0/
Glory!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-22-2022, 01:30 AM

I've reviewed your post history and it's incomplete. The moderators will frequently edit posts to remove filth and blasphemy but it's not often they'll outright erase posts. Whatever you said the last time you were here must have been egregiously vile and disgraceful.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Default Re: A reintroduction - 06-22-2022, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
You've already exceeded 500 words since your return earlier this month but whether what you've posted qualifies is up to her, of course. In counting your words I ignored the Roman era public lavatory theme and "Desiderata 16:2" whatever that is.
I don't know what that is, either. I've still got some chemicals runnin' through my bloodstream from my more wild days and I think every now and then they hit me and some strange gibberish like that pops out!

Quote:
If you would like to commit your life to serving Christ, a Pastor would be glad to advise you. I have decided not to add you to my friends list at this stage but here is a nice flower.
Oh, thank you! It's like a precious little rosebud, something I'm particularly fond of.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
tldr: me me me


Welcome I guess. A link to your first Intro would have been enough for me but anyway... what specifically brought you back to torture us again with rambling tales about yourself that have no point except to open the door to more rambling tales about yourself?
My apologies, Good Doctor. As Brother Dennis has pointed out, the previous one no longer exists (I have a theory about that.) I guess because of the writing assignment, I thought y'all wanted more rather than less, so I hope that with the guidance of this church, I can find the right balance, with more Jesus in it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Your satyr story sounds a little gay to me. Are you sure you weren't simply black-out drunk and woke up with a hairy Mexican man on your chest?
Oh no, I was merely a child at the time and also my uncle was a very tall man, so that rules anything like that out. It was very out of the norm at that point in my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Oh yes, hundreds more words.


And also dare I say another Introduction? We still know barely nothing about this visitor - his marital status, number of sons, age??? The reading/writing/comprehension level plus the fact he joined 7 years ago suggests an age of... 7? We're left to imagine.
Apologies again, little things like this slip my mind.
Marital status: Single
Children: None (that I know of)
Age: I have a ballpark, but don't remember my exact age. When one is caught up in a deviant lifestyle of uppers, downers, lefters, righters, poppers, boppers and who knows what else, some important documents can get lost. That said, there's a chance my age might be in your church's records, but I'll get to that shortly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
I believe Jesus will never tire of hearing His Praises. Just think about it, why would He create Heaven to be a place where souls sing Hallelujah and other divine ejaculations for eternity if He didn't want to hear words that glorify Him for ever and ever and ever? It doesn't make sense. And no true, genuine praise can begin without sufficient shame. This is the foundation of True Faith™.
I don't know why, but this post brings a redness to my cheeks.


Proverbs 26:11 * As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-22-2022, 03:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
I've reviewed your post history and it's incomplete. The moderators will frequently edit posts to remove filth and blasphemy but it's not often they'll outright erase posts. Whatever you said the last time you were here must have been egregiously vile and disgraceful.
And now we come to that matter. I think a certain someone might have understandably been extremely thorough in deleting some things which could have brought him embarrassment or caused a misunderstanding in certain circles.

I actually came to Freehold some years back, due to the arrangement of a certain winking, baby-faced pastor with an LED-light smile, a perfect physique (well-built, but not TOO muscular), and more charm than the devil himself. I'm not mentioning any names, though---why, this could be ANYONE I'm talking about!

I was much younger then, even younger than some of this pastor's houseboys at the time, and I think that's why he wanted to fill me with God's Word while I was still pliable. There were many nights of passionate scripture reading and discipline, and even a baptism of sorts, but in the end things just didn't work out. The fault is entirely on my end, of course, I was a very stubborn mule back then.

Anyway, a few of you may have put two and two together and figured out who it is, but if so, please don't bring it up to him. Per Matthew 6:3-4 he is very secretive about his generosity and good deeds and would be quite embarrassed if someone were to bring this up to him personally.

If there are any hard feelings with this strapping Adonis of the Lord, they are not on my end. I'm willing to leave all that in the past and get back to trying to get Saved™, and only bring all of this up to give a probable explanation of those missing posts.


Proverbs 26:11 * As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-22-2022, 11:17 PM

I feel we must have triggered this person to emerge again, like a cicada after 7 or 17 years. If anything I did or said contributed in any way to this happening, I deeply apologize to the Church leadership.


If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.
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Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
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Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-23-2022, 03:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
I feel we must have triggered this person to emerge again, like a cicada after 7 or 17 years. If anything I did or said contributed in any way to this happening, I deeply apologize to the Church leadership.
Cicadas? More like the call of Cthulhu. This guy's a real piece of work.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Roland is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-23-2022, 04:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
[...] If anything I did or said contributed in any way to this happening, I deeply apologize to the Church leadership.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Cicadas? More like the call of Cthulhu. This guy's a real piece of work.
Did Nasty dig out of the ground or is he just digging up some dirt? What happened to Nasty before he came back?


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Dr. Anthony J. Toole's Avatar
Dr. Anthony J. Toole Dr. Anthony J. Toole is offline
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Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Pro-Life Donald Trump 2016! Mission to Messico Touched by Jesus Christian Love Protected by JESUS Teabag Patriot Alternative Facts TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian True Scientist™ Doctor Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! True Christian™ Real American™ True Republican BFF of Jesus Ex-eurotrash True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Friend of Jesus Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD The Lord’s Witness Wound Persecuted Prayer Warrior Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Ex-liberal QAnon Storm Chaser Tool of God Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Sweet Toole

 
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Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A reintroduction [featuring: proof that Satyrs are real] - 06-23-2022, 05:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
What happened to Nasty before he came back?
7 years... could be murder in California, legitimate rape, armed robbery, or possession of the demon's weed in Southern states. Lucky for Nasty he did not commit corporate fraud in Thailand = 141,078 years; or 1st degree murder in Oklahoma = 161 life sentences plus 9,300 years parole.

Of course, these time-scales dwarf into insignificance compared to the eternity in Hell in store for non-believers.


If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.
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