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Default Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 10:41 AM

Hello Brothers and Sisters in Christ!

In a rare opportunity to spread the holiday message of God's love this Christmas Eve, the kid's choir from Landover Baptist Middle School will visit San Francisco, the modern day city of Sodom to sing door to door from their Landover Baptist Hymnals. Our focus is the neighborhood of the Tenderloin since the name implies it is predominantly homosexual. Since our concealed carry licenses are not valid in California and the area is inhabited by limp-wristed Nancy Boys, a dozen deacons will carry only small cans of mace and be accompanied by several hound dogs on our most anticipated soul-winning trip to date.

Select songs from our own congregation will include:

• Bring Them Out Unto You
• One Righteous Man Among Thee
• God Rained Brimstone Upon Them

While families usually gather on Christmas Eve to celebrate the birth of Jesus, those who have chosen to live the Devil's lifestyle tend to spend their evening alone, having been banished from their relatives for their evil ways. We'll be out to show them that they're not forgotten! We (and God) will reverse our judgement and righteous hatred for them if they choose to turn and repent before the Lord. As soon as the doors open we will shout rebukes over the blessed song of the students. Any homers that drop their wine bottle long enough to listen will then be witnessed to behind closed doors by Phillipe Vollard, our own True Christian™ Tin Wings Tither and ex-gay missionary to the area.

One of the escorts, Deacon Daniel Brock is responsible for preparing the kids for the trip. "Our students have been going through a week of training to get ready for this," he said. "While we don't rightfully understand what goes on in the demon-posessed mind of a sodomite to make them lust after a fellow man's hiney, we can try to recreate situations from the homer's own 'trade terms' to prepare the kids for what they might see when the Devil opens his front door."

Excercises involved activities such as throwing lettuce at unclothed male mannequins and then dressing them up as illegal Mexican immigrants in dirt stained clothing. A brief class was given on the potential health risks of trying to digest carpet fibers as well. The students will also carry bottled water with them for any homeless folks they encounter sleeping on the streets. Any lazy vagrant that is soaked in Christ's love this time of year will be snapped out of their booze induced slumber and motivated to serve the Lord with his paycheck! Praise Jesus!

A private, catered charter flight to SFO has been scheduled for the children of Platinum and Gold tithing Church members. Tin Wings tithing families can call myself or Pastor Geoffrey Weaver to make their own arrangements.

Merry Christmas and God bless!

Youth Pastor Martin Richards




Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 01:35 PM

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Youth Blastor Marty
In a rare opportunity to spread...predominantly homosexuals...limp-wristed Nancy Boys...dozen deacons... on our most anticipated trip to date.

Select songs from our own congregation will include:

• Out Unto You
• One Righteous Man between Three
• God Rained Brimstone Upon Them

...have chosen to live the Devil's lifestyle...We'll be out to show...Any homers that drop their escorts, Deacon Daniel Brock is training to get ready for this to make them lust after a fellow man's hiney.

The students will also be snapped out of their booze induced slumber and motivated to call myself or Pastor Geoffrey Weaver to make their own arrangements.

Youth Blastor Martin Richards

In the words of the great American thinker Jed Clampett...


...Pitiful... just pitiful.


So now you are out of jail have you word on your old cell-mate Pastor Al?

Is he still playing housewife for Bubba or what?




Bless you, my degenerate deipnosophist,
Father Mo




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A Cardinal in the making.

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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 01:46 PM

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Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
In the words of the great

Bless you, my degenerate deipnosophist,
Father Mo
Expect a knock on your door Christmas Eve, but instead of songs you'll immediately get the mace and hounds you homer!



Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 02:55 PM

God Bless you, Pastor Marty, for this project.

When these young people see the sinful lifestyles in San Francisco, they will return dedicated to lead Christian lives.

JJH


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 03:01 PM

God Bless you and the Boys Choir, Youth Pastor Marty!

Will they again be performing Down On Your Knees for the Love of Man?
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 04:49 PM

Godly Work Pastor Marty! I know the Tenderloin well from by missionary days - it's homor ground zero in San Fransisco! I have never seen to so many strip bars, massage parlors and harlots a harlotry in my life outside Waco, Texas the Tenderloin is nothing but a machine that takes a young man in a spits out a drag queen.

Good luck to you Pastor!



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 05:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
In the words of the great American thinker Jed Clampett...

...Pitiful... just pitiful.

So now you are out of jail have you word on your old cell-mate Pastor Al?

Is he still playing housewife for Bubba or what?

Bless you, my degenerate deipnosophist,
Father Mo.
Good grief, you mackerel snappers made Jed Clampett a saint?



Bless you my frenchified "fodder",

Z. Smyth


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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-21-2011, 10:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
Bless you my frenchified "fodder",

Z. Smyth
And me without a cannon . . .

YPM, please let me know if you need additional chaperones for the young lads on this trip. I've encountered many raging sodomites in my truck stop ministry, and could doubtless teach the boys a trick or two in handling a so-called "bull queer".


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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-22-2011, 12:33 AM

Great work, Pastor.

As arranged, I'm sending my cousin Nathaniel who lives in the area to meet you when you arrive. I regret not being able to make the trip myself. But you'll do a great job, as always.

I've sent with Nathaniel the sheet music you requested for "Reach-around No More!" as discussed. Sung in E-minor, it's a beautiful piece.

Pastor Ed



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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-22-2011, 03:55 AM

Thank you all for your loving support!

The requested songs are all on the list! Our singing will make those sissies jump up for the Lord faster than yelling la migra clears a Home Depot parking lot!

You are more than welcome to come along Rev. Rodimer! I'll contact our travel office to send a electronic ticket your way. And Pastor Lowman, your cousin will be a fine addition to our mission. Praise Jesus!



Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-22-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Youth Pastor Marty View Post
Our singing will make those sissies jump up for the Lord faster than yelling la migra clears a Home Depot parking lot!
Oh.my.God. I can only Pray that this will not begin happening at Walmart
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-22-2011, 05:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Youth Pastor Marty View Post
You are more than welcome to come along Rev. Rodimer! I'll contact our travel office to send a electronic ticket your way. And Pastor Lowman, your cousin will be a fine addition to our mission. Praise Jesus!
Wonderful, looking forward to it!

We don't want those young lads being surprised by something they can't handle!


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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-22-2011, 06:15 PM

I'm Wondering....

Might a Lady come along to succor you Boys?
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-23-2011, 03:57 AM

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Originally Posted by SUV View Post
I'm Wondering....

Might a Lady come along to succor you Boys?
But of course Sister Sue! We've actually been looking for some last minute female chaperones. The Lord delivers!

As you can see from her picture at the piano, Sister Bernice has been very accustomed to the blessings of the Lord at the dinner table. She's such a good Christian that she prays twice as long now before consuming her double portions, but became quite despondent when the airline requested that her reserved seating double as well!



Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-23-2011, 09:15 AM

Oh, this is very exciting for me, because I'm something of a fixture on Polk Street, right on the edge of the Tenderloin, where I routinely preach in the streets and rebuke homosexuals.

When will you be arriving at SFO? If you need transportation from the airport, just say the word and I'll meet your party there. I can fit four passengers in my Ford Focus.


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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-23-2011, 09:59 AM

YPM, I'm so excited that you're bringing your boy's choir to San Francisco that I took the liberty of creating a handy little neighborhood map for you. I figure if you take your boys to any areas besides the Tenderloin, this will help you anticipate what kinds of people you'll be witnessing to, and you'll be able to tailor your message accordingly.

Faith Machine's Guide to San Francisco:



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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-25-2011, 01:32 AM

Marty, did we somehow get our signals crossed? I've been waiting here at SFO for several hours, but have seen no sign of you and the boys. Did you wind up hitching a ride on James Hutchins's private jet or something?

Hopefully you've already arrived safely. Please let me know which hotel you're staying at!


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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-26-2011, 03:12 PM

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Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Marty, did we somehow get our signals crossed? I've been waiting here at SFO for several hours, but have seen no sign of you and the boys. Did you wind up hitching a ride on James Hutchins's private jet or something?

Hopefully you've already arrived safely. Please let me know which hotel you're staying at!
It's all the better that you didn't meet with us, Brother. One look into that hotbed of sin and we got right back onto the plane! Your faith in the Lord must be strong to enable you to even leave your home in that place, for surely it is no more than a magma chute sliding souls straight into Lava Lake!



Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Middle School Choir to Visit San Francisco! - 12-26-2011, 08:36 PM

Marty, I'm so glad to hear you've put the safety of those young boys first! Indeed, San Francisco is a nightmarish tapestry of deviant behavior.


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