Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Easter is About Jesus - Period!
Reload this Page Gods Cleansing and Easter
Easter is About Jesus - Period! A seasonal forum where we celebrate the true meaning of Easter. No bunnies allowed!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Guns Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-16-2020, 01:31 PM

During a teleconference today, the Church Elders have decried that no bunnies are to be allowed in Landover. Being no one can be assured where they have been or if they have been touched by a non-True Christian™, we have decided to eliminate this threat to our purity.
All Silver Tithers® and above will be provided with a supply of Tyvek bags and carrots to be used for capturing the menaces. Platinum and Iriium Tithers®, simply call the Church office as usual for suspected problems to 'be resolved' for you as part of you HOA package.
Those that capture the beasts will be asked to bring them down to Toms Meat Grinders over on the south side where they will be processed into hot dogs for sale in Des Moines, the funds to go for the purchase of a new Cross to hang Jesus on being the previous one caught fire.

As an side note, remember, anyone see within ten feet of the comfort zone around the gates of LBC can legally be considered a lethal threat (possible zombie) and using any force possible is authorized to ensure the safety and well being of The Church.

TP is available in all Church facilities at ten sheets for $3.00, free of course for upper level members.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
upchucker67's Avatar
upchucker67 upchucker67 is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

Facepalm The Dimmest Light of the Month Award Sissy Cry Baby The swine behind the pearl Negroe Poster Yellow peril Demonized Democrat Beastiality Perv Homer Potty mouth Caution - Poster is Crazy Langobard

 
Posts: 225
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Milton, PA
upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.upchucker67 is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-16-2020, 09:45 PM

I'm pleased that the good folks at Landover hate rabbits as much as I. I would like to pitch my two cents towards this bunny hunt. Understandably, I'm not anywhere close to church premises, and even if I was, wouldn't be allowed, but I have a left over cache of anti-freeze to place your carrots with. Works like a charm when those furry rascals invade my lawn. Just tell me where I can ship it for you. - Phil
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Aardvark

 
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-18-2020, 08:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
During a teleconference today, the Church Elders have decried that no bunnies are to be allowed in Landover.
I'm sorry to bring this up but this year it may be necessary. "Bunnies" can be misinterpreted by certain types as referring to live (actual) rabbits only. They already have the costumes and will jump at any opportunity to promote sin. There are two distinct looks, the for her..[LEFT] and the for him..[RIGHT]. Can you reassure me that such garments will be covered by the bunny ban this Easter?

Name:  for her Bunny Easter.jpg
Views: 117
Size:  214.8 KB Name:  for him Bunny Easter.jpg
Views: 95
Size:  117.2 KB
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Johny Joe Hold's Avatar
Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is offline
Mayor of Freehold
 

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mayor True Republican Teabag Patriot Ex-liberal Saved 1 Year Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Eats the Most Pork Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Mission to Korea Stamp of Approval Guns ablazin' Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Sons of Liberty Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 12,122
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Johny Joe Hold will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-23-2020, 03:58 AM

Thank you, Brother James, for helping to end these Pagan practices that have found their way into our faith at Easter time. Rabbits, eggs and fashion parades detract from the sin Jesus promised to forgive. As you say, it's time to clean up Easter. This is the year fire hoses are going to wash away the Pagan rabbit droppings.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Aardvark

 
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-23-2020, 03:44 PM

When I told someone the other day that "rabbits" don't lay "eggs" I was informed they weren't eggs. I was concerned that hopping rabbits hardly seemed an appropriate way to commemorate Christ's Savage Death and voiced my doubts – especially after the chocolate owls I received last year. Honestly, what has this got to do with Jesus? It sounds more like Enid Blyton's fictional universe, a nightmare world if ever there was one.

Name:  red eggs.jpg
Views: 71
Size:  24.2 KB

From the words alone you might think, "Well, it's only a story." The picture reveals a demonic influence at work where wizards are normal and incantations the way to get things done. Is that what The Bible teaches? I don't think so!

Name:  Woffles.jpg
Views: 65
Size:  33.5 KBName:  The Snoogle.jpg
Views: 442
Size:  79.0 KBName:  The flower opened Five red eggs.jpg
Views: 88
Size:  175.2 KB

Secular influence has undergone function creep. By associating decorative eggs with Easter they are associated with Jesus and from there it's a small step to identify Jesus as some sort of wizard. "He died to set you free," I said. "He has nothing to do with pixies, fairies, elves or Woffles."

There are all sorts of chocolate animals going around at this time of the year, something for everyone. White and brown, filled with marzipan or minced hazelnuts or that raspberry liqueur (which is actually quite nice in a trifle) just so long as no-one thinks about the punishment they were born deserving and the sacrifice made by God because He loves us. I was utterly revolted when this abomination came to my attention:

Name:  chocolate roadkill.jpg
Views: 76
Size:  155.6 KB

Chocolate road-kill. It starts off with an enchanted wood, whispering trees and pixies. Next we got a dreadful "school" for witches where they learned spells and no doubt curses for invisibility, where to find demons and how to worship idols, all dressed up as harmless fiction when obviously it isn't. Jesus is not a wizard. He never performed spells or did enchantments and is not a made-up jigsaw monster like the Snoogle. He has no association with chocolate anything and He is definitely not road-kill.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Alvin Moss's Avatar
Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
Serving Jesus
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Proud Niglet Sponsorer Touched by Jesus One Year/1000 posts Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Sons of Liberty Porn Resistant Early riser Tell her once Persecuted Bronze Tither Punched the most queers Mission to Korea Trump of GOD True Republican Donald Trump 2016! 2015 Witch Hunt Award Prayer Warrior Kirk Cameron Fan Club Hands Off True Heterosexual™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Nuke of Heaven Crown of Glory Mower Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Gunfest '14 Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-23-2020, 04:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post

Chocolate road-kill. It starts off with an enchanted wood, whispering trees and pixies. Next we got a dreadful "school" for witches where they learned spells and no doubt curses for invisibility, where to find demons and how to worship idols, all dressed up as harmless fiction when obviously it isn't. Jesus is not a wizard. He never performed spells or did enchantments and is not a made-up jigsaw monster like the Snoogle. He has no association with chocolate anything and He is definitely not road-kill.

Excellent points, Sister.


Some weeks past, I espied a small car near a large local park with five strangely dressed individuals in it who were just parking their car. It had a Save the Baby Goats bumper sticker that I assume was to voice opposition to cabrito, which is a local delicacy made with said baby goats.


As the five got out of their car, I saw that they were the type of people you would usually only see at a computer repair shop or possibly at a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and they were all wearing cardboard armor and carrying plastic broadswords. Each had a foil helmet with a long and colorful plume.


I rarely attempt to understand the motivations of sinners or even what they are doing, no matter how bizarre, so I went on my way and didn't give the matter any further thought until just now.


Could they have been the witches or wizards you expose in this post?


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor Aardvark

 
Posts: 14,663
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Gods Cleansing and Easter - 03-23-2020, 05:10 PM

The point of the stories is to present characters as though they were normal. Witches are shown to be "more in touch" with what, exactly, not being specified. Later on, outside of the imaginary story world, role playing opportunities are made available where pretending to be a witch or a wizard or a made-up hybrid character such as the snoogle seems innocent enough — but only for someone softened up by reading the stories. They may still think warlocks and spells aren't real. Be sure that someone aware of The Truth and in cahoots with the adversary will be watching.

I Peter 5:8

In order to move across from a story book to dressing up like an idiot and pretending to be The Great Magister is rather like getting a toy microphone and pretending to sing, or maybe a toy car and pretending to drive. Before long you'll come across an actual microphone on a stage somewhere or an old car you can sit in. The people you saw have probably reached that phase, still doing pretend magic but in an environment where actual diabolism exists too. It's then an easy transition.

In the same way, having sang into a hairbrush (or toy microphone) then messed around on an empty stage somewhere makes it so much easier to meet someone who works in that environment and the next thing you're channelling flapper girls — or filling in for a getaway driver who accidentally shot himself. It's the same for necromancy, divination, trance mediums, witchdoctoring, casting hexes and killing birds in flight with psychic energy. Demons are at work in every case, even during the "innocuous" phase.

Were there any funny smells?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved