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Reload this Page Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio!
Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Default Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 05:54 AM

Howdy! It's been a tough winter! America was in dire straits but we solved it (me and the Donald)! The impeachment debacle was the worst crisis in recent history but now that all things are back to normal and my effectual prayers have accomplished their goal I'm ready for some R&R. With no danger threatening America at the moment, it's time I took a vacation, ain't it?!

Y'all know that I usually combine my holidays with the opportunity to spread the good ol' message of Jesus! So I've decided to go to Brazil asap! The beaches of Rio are filled with young women in need of redemption and the Favelas (we call them slums) are packed with young adolescent boys that are starving for manly support to explain them the Gospel. Some of them may come back with me and service as houseboys.

This is a pic taken during my latest trip to Rio with the beaches filled with harlots and after my sermons the naked whores had left the building.



And on the bottom you can see me (this a a bad photo but the Brazil newspapers seem to focus on their admittedly Godly leader Bolsonaro) celebrating Jesus with their decent president, up to the league of Duterte and Putin while obviously not of the Donald's caliber! I urge y'all to keep 'em tithes flowing. I need to get to Rio asap to catch some rays of the Sun and to promote our good relations with Bolsonaro. This is a great time to go to Brazil as my sources tell me that it is less crowded than ever during this time of the year, there's actually some elbow room on the beaches and hotel prizes are low. I'll be getting a decent suite with less than 20,000 $ a night! If anyone is interested in joining me, feel free to self-cater your holiday with 10% of the expenses you pay going to the Lamentations Flint (my Father) Church fund! Glory to Jesus etc. etc. and so on
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Eagle Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 10:04 AM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
This is a pic taken during my latest trip to Rio with the beaches filled with harlots and after my sermons the naked whores had left the building.
Pastor, I could not help but notice your description of the women that you encountered on vacation. I have a few words to add from my own experience on the subject.

Women, by nature--as we all know well--are unforgivable cysts on the otherwise springy and spongy skin of Holy society. Like God's Word says,

“A good man obtaineth favour of the LORD…” — Proverbs 12:2

Seek also the Gospel of Numbers 22:25:
"And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall: and he smote her again. "

Once AGAIN, women has used her "*ss" to "thrust" good Christian Men in to the RECTUM OF LUCIFER.

SEX is what the women solicits to cause mischief and His wrath upon all of His earthly creatures. The Loard does NOT have error in His divine Judgement; thus we know these, the true colors of Women, to be true and factual.

Women is INFECTED, NOT OBTAINED OF FAVOR, and SEX.
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Default Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 10:45 AM

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Originally Posted by HisCum View Post
Seek also the Gospel of Numbers 22:25:
"And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall: and he smote her again. "

Once AGAIN, women has used her "*ss" to "thrust" good Christian Men in to the RECTUM OF LUCIFER.
Young man, I feel that your road to Jesus may be blighted. For a start Numbers is NOT a gospel.


Secondly, the passage refers to a long suffering donkey and not a woman. That donkey actually saved Balaam from a death by an angel of the Lord. Take the time to read the whole chapter. The donkey actually deserves one of those medals they give out to dogs and other animals for saving human lives.

Oh, and thirdly. As Numbers is part of the Old Testament there were no "good Christian men" around at the time.


Phil


58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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Default Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 08:56 PM

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Originally Posted by Phil Ander View Post
Young man, I feel that your road to Jesus may be blighted. For a start Numbers is NOT a gospel.


Secondly, the passage refers to a long suffering donkey and not a woman. That donkey actually saved Balaam from a death by an angel of the Lord. Take the time to read the whole chapter. The donkey actually deserves one of those medals they give out to dogs and other animals for saving human lives.

Oh, and thirdly. As Numbers is part of the Old Testament there were no "good Christian men" around at the time.


Phil
Esteemed Mr. Ander,

I rebuke myself and apologize profusely for my "previous post." It seems that the nag wife had gotten onto the computer without my permission. Evidently she had chewed through the Nag Wife Restraint Device that she is supposed to be fastened to at all times.


I should of been watching the Nag more closely; I was at the moment so focused in my Study that I did not notice the Nag's escape. Please forgive me for this transgression.


As said in Acts 5:31,
"Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and aSaviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins."


For the Nag Wife's disorderly activity and failure to Understand her role as Inferior, she will have Privileges removed:


*using the toilent
* wearing "jeans" and other suspiciously Un-Christian (Satanic) paraphernalia
*doing Godly chores


I thank you, Brother, for your attention to this matter, and I pray for your mercy upon the young Grum family.


Sincerely and Respectfully,
John Grum, L.L.C.
Husband and Owner of Mrs. John Grum
Timothy 2:12

I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.
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Default Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 09:34 PM

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Originally Posted by Hiscum View Post
For the Nag Wife's disorderly activity and failure to Understand her role as Inferior, she will have Privileges removed:


*using the toilent
* wearing "jeans" and other suspiciously Un-Christian (Satanic) paraphernalia
While I prefer not to know what a "toilent" is, I really must ask: you married a woman who wears pants?????? No wonder you seem so girlish in your introduction thread!

Deuteronomy 22:5 - The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so [are] abomination unto the LORD thy God.


Oh boy. I will pray for you, dear.
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Default Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 05-31-2020, 10:08 PM

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Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
I really must ask: you married a woman who wears pants??????
Precious Misunderstanding Woman,


"Jeans" is Satan Paraphernalia--including denim fabrics rather than 100% cotton or other Christian materials.


This includes jorts, jandals, jair ties, "jeans" jackets, "jeans" purses, and more denim accessories.

True or false? The LORD has made Holy use of animal skins for clothing.


True.
"And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them." --Genesis 3:21


True or false? The LORD GOD said that YOU personally can sew, purchase, or wear these goods.


FALSE.

"Jeans" is unacceptable, even in dresses such as those that Mrs. Grum the Heathen Nag Wife tries to sneak around.


Have a pleasant Sunday.


Mister Grum, L.L.C.
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Default Re: Holiday planning: See y'all in Rio! - 06-01-2020, 12:41 AM

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Originally Posted by Hiscum View Post
Precious Misunderstanding Woman,


"Jeans" is Satan Paraphernalia--including denim fabrics rather than 100% cotton or other Christian materials.


This includes jorts, jandals, jair ties, "jeans" jackets, "jeans" purses, and more denim accessories.

True or false? The LORD has made Holy use of animal skins for clothing.


True.
"And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them." --Genesis 3:21


True or false? The LORD GOD said that YOU personally can sew, purchase, or wear these goods.


FALSE.

"Jeans" is unacceptable, even in dresses such as those that Mrs. Grum the Heathen Nag Wife tries to sneak around.


Have a pleasant Sunday.


Mister Grum, L.L.C.
Hissy dear, thank you for your explanation (which isn't exactly Biblical, but we will work on that over time), however, it begs the question, why did your parents marry you off to a woman who would use such hideous materials for her accessories?

I am asking about your parents because you claim to be barely 18, so I assume you married at a very young age, and as such your parents must have given their consent.

I do have to ask as well: if your understanding of the Bible is that only animal skins are to be used for clothing, how do you approach verses that talk about fabric mixing?

And also, since weaving is a God-approved occupation, do you approve vicuña wool as a suitable clothing material?
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