Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-06-2012, 06:27 AM
I am not comfortable discussing this subject at all, but I would be remiss if I did not pass this along for your edification. If any of you have any questions, please discuss them quietly amongst yourselves. I can not help you, because I know nothing of this topic. Any questions you send me will just be forwarded along to a qualified expert, such as my brother in Christ, Todd Akin.
(When they say to swim, dance, or picnic, the assumption, of course, is that you are lucky enough to own a super-deluxe menstrual hut, with enough square footage to include a pool, jukebox, and grassy knoll. If your husband hasn't already provided such amenities for you, it might be that he can't afford it. If that's the case, ask him to take a good, hard look at his tithing schedule. Men who don't tithe properly often do not experience financial blessings.)
Also, "do moderately" is a misprint. The second column should actually be labeled "do not."
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-06-2012, 08:56 AM
Why would anyone encourage young women to swim during that time?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 414
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In the South of the North
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-06-2012, 09:12 AM
Too bad I didn’t have this list before my wife got into menopause. I always had a feeling that her square dancing made the whole thing worse but I lacked the evidence.
Stop whining
(1 Thessalonians 5:18) - In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
(1 Corinthians 10:10) - Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer
(Psalm 106:25) - But murmured in their tents, And hearkened not unto the voice of the LORD
(Ephesians 4:29) - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-06-2012, 11:56 AM
I have no idea (no do I want to know) what happens during a females unclean time. I imagine it is something akin to a transformation into a werewolf. You can hear the screams emanating from the building from 1/2 mile away.
All I do know is we have to delouse the females when they come back from 'the shack'.
The women do seem to realize how hard this is for me. A weeks worth of their chores pile up, I never know whose is going to prepare my meals and the shame I feel knowing that a woman is aborting (murdering, really) one of Gods precious children just breaks my heart. Females really are an unsensitive breed.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-06-2012, 06:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Why would anyone encourage young women to swim during that time?
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No True Christian™ lady would swim in a public pool filled with chlorine, pee, and men in speedos. A remote lake, far away from the public, with but a few girlfriends, and suitably modest swim wear, is preferable. This list is clearly for True Christian™ ladies.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash, confirmed retarded
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Posts: 27
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: piffleing your mom
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-22-2012, 05:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
I have no idea (no do I want to know) what happens during a females unclean time. I imagine it is something akin to a transformation into a werewolf. You can hear the screams emanating from the building from 1/2 mile away.
All I do know is we have to delouse the females when they come back from 'the shack'.
The women do seem to realize how hard this is for me. A weeks worth of their chores pile up, I never know whose is going to prepare my meals and the shame I feel knowing that a woman is aborting (murdering, really) one of Gods precious children just breaks my heart. Females really are an unsensitive breed.
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Maybe you should learn to do some things. Also you said you don't know what happens with women during this time, and yet you say that women are aborting "God's precious children". How can you say this when you don't even know what's going on?
For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous.--Lev.21:18
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-22-2012, 06:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drecky
Maybe you should learn to do some things. Also you said you don't know what happens with women during this time, and yet you say that women are aborting "God's precious children". How can you say this when you don't even know what's going on?
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Do you understand human reproduction, Dreck?
During menstruation, the woman throws away a perfectly viable ovum, which could have been impregnated by her husband and grown into a human.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-22-2012, 07:08 PM
I learned this a long time ago: When it's your woman's time of the month those are the three days out of the month when she's right- even when she's wrong. There's no point in arguing with an hysterical woman. Once she's off the rag she'll be back to normal.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-23-2012, 12:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by drecky
Maybe you should learn to do some things. Also you said you don't know what happens with women during this time, and yet you say that women are aborting "God's precious children". How can you say this when you don't even know what's going on?
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Friend, I do not need to stick my head up a persons ass to know they crap. Nor do I need to be there when it happens. I do know a septic system needs to be pumped out from time to time. I do not need to know anymore about it.
Tell you what, next time your mother bleeds like a stuck pig, please go through her flow and find the dead baby. Let me know how it pleases you.
People like you make me sick!
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-23-2012, 12:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
There's no point in arguing with an hysterical woman.
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Agreed, that is why locking them up or a gentle corrective slap on the head with a Bible works best.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
10-23-2012, 12:19 AM
Dear Friends,
Wait... this is still happening to women? In 2012?
We need to pray harder!
BAB
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 51
Join Date: Mar 2013
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Re: Handy tips for that time of the month. -
03-21-2013, 10:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Agreed, that is why locking them up or a gentle corrective slap on the head with a Bible works best.
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It does work well. Or a rod to the backside. I find that's what helps me the most during that time of the month when I am hysterical and unreasonable.
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