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Exclamation Rapture News UPDATE: oil price apocalypse! Spraytan reserve depleted! Chinese swallowing Latino rapeseed! - 09-16-2019, 04:08 PM

Business and economy

Figures released by the National Bureau of Statistics of China show that industrial production growth in August was at a 17-year low.
Everybody knows that after 17 years the Chinese stop growing. They continue to look like 17-year-olds until menopause, at which point they turn into old crones and you need to hire a new luggage-lifter.
A car bomb in the Syrian town of al-Rai, close to the Turkish border, kills at least ten people after it explodes near a hospital.
See how much nicer USA-supplied freedom fighters are? Our guys set off their bombs close to hospitals, so the ambulances don't have to drive far.
Following the drone attacks on Saudi Aramco facilities, the price of benchmark Brent Crude oil futures contracts surges as high as 19.5% at market opening, the biggest increase in percentage terms since the 1990 oil price shock in response to Ba'athist Iraq invading Kuwait.
Got that? Biggest shock to modern technological civilization in 3 decades - WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS NEWS TO BRING YOU CELEBRITY GOSSIP!!!!!
Donald Trump authorizes the use of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to "keep the markets well-supplied",
I didn't even know we had a strategic spraytan reserve.
U.S. company Purdue Pharma files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Agreeing to contribute more than US$3 billion from the sale of a daughter company, the owners propose to settle thousands of lawsuits related to the risk of addiction to their narcotic painkiller Oxycontin.
3 billion bucks for a single daughter! Most of us can barely manage 50 shekels.
A Transpacifico airplane crashes shortly after departing an airport in Popayan, Colombia for a domestic flight. Seven of the nine occupants are killed. The remaining two on board are injured, as is a child on the ground.
Yeah, I was kind of taking for granted that they are on the ground now, thanks.
A fire in a hospital kills eleven people in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
What kind of idiot builds a hospital in the Amazon Jungle? This is why we need a border wall, folks.
China announces that it will allow the import of soybean meal from Argentina, to ensure livestock feed under the impact of the trade war with the U.S. Apart from Argentina, China has been increasing imports of soybeans and soymeal from other channels, such as allowing soybean meal, rapeseed meal and sunflower meal from Russia since September 6.
See, proof the Trump taxes are working! The Chinese are now so poor, they're reduced to eating Latin American and Russian animal feed, and whatever "rapeseed" is.

Please, no speculation of what "rapeseed" is, this is a family forum.
Water vapor is detected on exoplanet K2-18b, a super-Earth which is located about 111 light-years away from Earth.
Sounds more like the Scientists were vaping something.
A sightseeing boat capsizes on the Godavari River in India's East Godavari district, killing at least 12 people
That must have been a sight to see...


Adjusted Rapture Score (ARS): 784.43 + 3476.40001 * 4.210 = Date of Rapture is 6:21PM tomorrow, 6:41 in Newfoundland.

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 09-16-2019 at 07:21 PM.
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Default Re: Rapture News UPDATE: oil price apocalypse! Spraytan reserve depleted! Chinese swallowing Latino rapese - 09-16-2019, 08:54 PM

How does a "sight seeing boat" not see danger ahead? Yes, the news is peculiar.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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