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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-15-2016, 08:28 PM
What has happened to Pastor Zeke?
I used to touch base with Pastor Zeke regularly. A lot of money and other issues have passed between the Freehold City government and Landover Baptist Church. Right now there are pending deals, but no Pastor Zeke to move them forward.
I checked his hanger, the Boeing is gone. So is his favorite Escalade. No one admits to knowing his where he is or when he will return.
What I'm concerned about are his frequent travels to the Middle East. He has been going there to boost the moral of Christians who are being harmed by ISIS. We've all read about the murders and beheadings of Christians. Could Zeke be in harm's way?
So, I'm asking--no I'm begging. Please provide any information you have about our beloved Pastor Zeke.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-15-2016, 09:42 PM
Mr. Mayor, I fear he may have been abducted. He is a powerful voice for righteousness in America and there is an election soon. The enemies of God and America may want him silenced.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-15-2016, 10:49 PM
I didn't notice he was missing. My wife says that is because I always fall asleep in Church. All lies of course. Women lie all the time. Just look at Hillary Clinton.
Since the Boeing is gone I assume he is in some foreign country saving souls. I remember him being in Japan for years suffering those chinks day in and day out for Jesus. No wonder Zeke is God's favorite Pastor.
I will visit his house this afternoon to borrow some garden tools and see if his staff knows anything. They are not very good at speaking American but if I yell very loudly I am sure they will understand.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 12:11 AM
I've been thinking about it and I'm sure the Democrats have him. Maybe if we hire Bill Clinton to give a speech they will let him go.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,455
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 12:26 AM
Didn't he volunteer for that "First Person on Mars" thing? The way he was thinking, it was either prove what every True Christian™ already knows, i.e. that Mars is just a light attached to the Firmament (and this was a kinda sneaky way of exposing NASA's lies), or if it turned out Mars was really a whole new planet, he'd be the very first preacher there. Imagine all those Martian souls waiting to be Saved™.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 02:59 AM
Right before he dropped out of sight, Pastor assured me he was going to leave word with the church leadership that the unfortunate warning in my signature file could be removed, and that I would be returned to full True Christian™ status, which, naturally, includes lifting ALL restrictions on my ability to communicate with new members via Skype, personal message, e-mail, Face Time, or whatever.
So can we please get the ball rolling on that?
Thank you in advance for your attention to this very small, inconsequential matter, which Pastor has already issued a ruling about.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 12:15 PM
A few nights ago I had a dream about Pastor Ezekiel. I saw him bathing in a river in the middle of a desert. Not sure if it had a meaning, though.
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 01:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
Right before he dropped out of sight, Pastor assured me he was going to leave word with the church leadership that the unfortunate warning in my signature file could be removed, and that I would be returned to full True Christian™ status, which, naturally, includes lifting ALL restrictions on my ability to communicate with new members via Skype, personal message, e-mail, Face Time, or whatever.
So can we please get the ball rolling on that?
Thank you in advance for your attention to this very small, inconsequential matter, which Pastor has already issued a ruling about.
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I do recall hearing about this directive but wasn't there something about a probationary period wherein restrictions would resume if there was any breach of trust? I, for one, have no doubt that FM's ministry to our youth would be enhanced by technology. I hear he has a complete library of the youth with whom he's had webcam discussions, many of them crying out, "Oh, God, Oh God". Praise Jesus!
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 02:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
I do recall hearing about this directive but wasn't there something about a probationary period wherein restrictions would resume if there was any breach of trust? I, for one, have no doubt that FM's ministry to our youth would be enhanced by technology. I hear he has a complete library of the youth with whom he's had webcam discussions, many of them crying out, "Oh, God, Oh God". Praise Jesus!
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I'm sure Brother Faith is accurate in recalling his private conversation with Pastor Zeke. My own understanding is that some, although they may not turn out to be important at all, questions remain as to what transpired during the long period when Mistress Cookie was missing and was being cared for by Brother Faith.
If others can shed light on this issue it would be helpful. In the meantime, we must keep up our search for Pastor Zeke.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-16-2016, 10:17 PM
No one worried about me this much when I went hunting for two weeks last month.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-17-2016, 03:17 AM
That's not true, Nobar. Your wife was distraught, and I was so worried, I did not dare leave her alone in that big, empty house.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Hates Obama. Really Hates Obama. Actually, REALLY REALLY REALLY Hates Obama.
Forum Member
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Posts: 882
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Trump Train!
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-17-2016, 01:54 PM
Has anyone checked with Sister Daisy Mae Johnson?
But whosoever shall deny me before men,
him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
~Matt. 10:33
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Theme song in hell: "I Did it My Way"
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-17-2016, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PetitionLady
Has anyone checked with Sister Daisy Mae Johnson?
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I believe in the past when Zeke is off on his mission trips, he rarely communicated with Sister Johnson, claiming it interfered with his ability to concentrate on saving the souls of young Asian boys. He needed to have his full attention centered on the process of getting these boys back on his plane and exiting 3rd world countries so they could be reached for Jesus. He had a knack for getting them on their knees quickly - so romantic distractions were discouraged. Of course, Daisy completely understood.
She also completely understands why Zeke has continued to put off their marriage for so many years. After all, the good pastor wants to be sure it's God's will. So much energy has been expended fighting those nasty rumors that he has no intention of ever getting married - it's sad.
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-18-2016, 01:19 AM
I may be wrong, but take a close look at the guy immediately behind Donald with a ball cap on as a disguise. Not the security guy with the ear piece but the one on his left. The side view is very similar to Pastor Zeke. Whoever he is, he is giving instructions to Donald:
By Start Making Sense and Jon Wiener
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump greets supporters after a rally on in Costa Mesa, California. (AP Photo / Chris Carlson)
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-18-2016, 05:34 AM
The profile seems familiar, but I can't place him. Is it Clint Eastwood?
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,914
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Black Forrest, Germany
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-18-2016, 11:15 AM
I think it's time for a little rant. For many months Pastor Ezekiel asked very kindly for a new multi-million dollar airplane so he can do his job all over the country. But nothing happened. He was probably very dissapointed into the lack of financial help. I just pray that he finds forgiveness for us and comes back!
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-18-2016, 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss
The profile seems familiar, but I can't place him. Is it Clint Eastwood?
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You might be right. I wish the photo was just a bit more clear. We know Pastor Zeke is doing something important--let's keep watching for him in news photos.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Possibly retarded pothead
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Posts: 1,003
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Here in Babylon
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-18-2016, 04:45 PM
Maybe he has gone to the Olympics in Brazil.
Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-19-2016, 02:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari
Maybe he has gone to the Olympics in Brazil.
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Pastor Zeke has always been angry that free condoms are passed out to male athletes at the Olympics. It would not surprise me if he showed up there to give fiery sermons against sin, especially sex.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,337
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke -
08-19-2016, 05:10 AM
Mr. Mayor,
Things are indeed worrisome and alarming. Many hypothetical whereabouts of our sweet Pastor Ezekiel must be carefully considered, including the possibility that he's been Raptured, which would not be totally surprising, as he is the most perfect and immaculate human being on Earth at the moment - or in Heaven in case he actually was Raptured. While this development would be extremely good news to Jesus, as they could plan for the Events for the End of Times in a more intimate relationship, it would make the Work of Spreading the Gospel even harder for us who still have to abide this Rotten Earth in expectation of Eternity. Zeke is (or was in case he ware Raptured) the best of the best. His love towards everyone, even his Filipino houseboys, was unprecedented.
Philemon 1:7
For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.
Thus, our Rapture Preparation Committee now participates in the Missing Children Milk Carton Program and the following image will be available nationwide in all supermarkets and dairy product outlets. We're expecting positive results within the hour!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
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